When CIO Doesn't Work...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your title is misleading. You didn’t do CIO and you’re not doing it now. You’ve failed at sleep training and you’ve put allowing your child to keep you up over your marriage. There is no benefit to being awake throughout the night with your kid!! Seriously put your child to bed and go back in the next morning. I do not understand women like you.

Ignore this person. I mean, they are literally saying they don't understand, so obviously their opinion is of little to no use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your title is misleading. You didn’t do CIO and you’re not doing it now. You’ve failed at sleep training and you’ve put allowing your child to keep you up over your marriage. There is no benefit to being awake throughout the night with your kid!! Seriously put your child to bed and go back in the next morning. I do not understand women like you.

Ignore this person. I mean, they are literally saying they don't understand, so obviously their opinion is of little to no use.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your title is misleading. You didn’t do CIO and you’re not doing it now. You’ve failed at sleep training and you’ve put allowing your child to keep you up over your marriage. There is no benefit to being awake throughout the night with your kid!! Seriously put your child to bed and go back in the next morning. I do not understand women like you.

Ignore this person. I mean, they are literally saying they don't understand, so obviously their opinion is of little to no use.

You’re right. I don’t understand why instead of sleeping 8 plus hours a night with their spouse, they would choose to stay up all night with an 8 month old. It’s idiotic and pointless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I almost stopped reading at “my husband has postpartum depression” because no he does not. Your husband didn’t experience pregnancy and does not have a hormonal imbalance. What bullshit. He’s just a dude struggling with parenting or regular depression like the rest of us.

Anyway, I have a seven month old who still won’t fall asleep independently and whose crib is still in our room. We also sleep in separate bedrooms because we do shifts to deal with our terrible sleeper. It’s horrible but you aren’t alone.

This.
Your husband is making a lot of demands.

Listen to your gut and do what feels right for you. I co-slept with my older DC and he slept so much better when in bed with me. I was also feeding to sleep. When I wanted to stop that I stopped nursing him to sleep in the middle of the night, instead I woke up with him, and held him in my arms, so he wasn't abandoned crying all by himself. It took me 3 or 4 nights to night wean and get him sleeping through the night.

Good luck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I was in your shoes with my second child. People who say you just need to follow Ferber “to the letter” don’t get it. I really regret making my child cry that much when it was clearly not working, but everyone (books, dcum, pediatrician) just told me to keep trying.

We finally tried camping out in his room and that helped somewhat, but what finally worked was…. putting a sippy cup of water in his crib! All this fine, he really was thirsty - the nursing wasn’t “a crutch.” I found out at his 2 year appt that he had some allergies that inflamed his nasal passages but had no other symptoms, but I put that together with the fact that he had a tendency to mouth breath, and now it makes a ton of sense to me why he was waking up thirsty.

To me, if your child doesn’t respond to CIO pretty easily, there’s something else going on. The answer is not more crying.

+1
Sippy didn't work for us, but agree with the message. Other people don't get it because they literally have different children than yours. Sleep training worked for one child, but not for my child with anxiety. Probably not a coincidence. I think there can be many reasons why a child isn't sleeping and sleeping training addresses only one of those.

What helped: having a good nap schedule, pacifier, and no more night feeds.

Baby's crib was next to my bed until age one. Then we co-slept. Baby woke only once per night, except for a couple regressions around 1.5-2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I was in your shoes with my second child. People who say you just need to follow Ferber “to the letter” don’t get it. I really regret making my child cry that much when it was clearly not working, but everyone (books, dcum, pediatrician) just told me to keep trying.

We finally tried camping out in his room and that helped somewhat, but what finally worked was…. putting a sippy cup of water in his crib! All this fine, he really was thirsty - the nursing wasn’t “a crutch.” I found out at his 2 year appt that he had some allergies that inflamed his nasal passages but had no other symptoms, but I put that together with the fact that he had a tendency to mouth breath, and now it makes a ton of sense to me why he was waking up thirsty.

To me, if your child doesn’t respond to CIO pretty easily, there’s something else going on. The answer is not more crying.

+1
Sippy didn't work for us, but agree with the message. Other people don't get it because they literally have different children than yours. Sleep training worked for one child, but not for my child with anxiety. Probably not a coincidence. I think there can be many reasons why a child isn't sleeping and sleeping training addresses only one of those.

What helped: having a good nap schedule, pacifier, and no more night feeds.

Baby's crib was next to my bed until age one. Then we co-slept. Baby woke only once per night, except for a couple regressions around 1.5-2.

---woke only once per night after co-sleeping. So it was the answer for us.

[Anonymous]

Just let your husband with his "postpartum" depression do the sleep training. You put in earplugs and sleep, let him handle it since he doesn't appreciate the way you are doing it. I have nothing really nice to say regarding the husband. Nor am I a sleep training expert, because my kids co-slept and I never did successfully sleep train them (I did try, and couldn't stomach the screaming).

What is with husband's that can't make sacrifices for their babies. It's like they magically expect everything to just go back to pre-baby life. Then they make their wives feel bad that it doesn't. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP above. Wanted to add: if he sleeps well with you cosleeping, just do it! You can still be in bed with your husband that way. People on dcum are so anti cosleeping, but with an 8 month old it is very very low risk. Put up a bed rail if you’re worried about rolling. You do not need to stay up watching him making sure he’s safe. You could even just put his crib in your room. That way he’s comforted by being in a room with you but you can have your bed to you and your husband.

+1 My sister and SIL switched to co-sleeping after their ped recommended it because neither were getting enough sleep and everything else they tried didn’t work. They did it until 12 months and then transitioned baby to crib - both kids sleep fine on their own now. There’s a safe way to do it and it’s common in a lot of cultures. Don’t listen to PP trying to shame you. Some kids are just more difficult than others. My other friend slept in the nursery the first year together on a floor mattress and kid is fine now and a good sleeper. I hope you find something that works for you. Also your husband sounds a little immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just let your husband with his "postpartum" depression do the sleep training. You put in earplugs and sleep, let him handle it since he doesn't appreciate the way you are doing it. I have nothing really nice to say regarding the husband. Nor am I a sleep training expert, because my kids co-slept and I never did successfully sleep train them (I did try, and couldn't stomach the screaming).

What is with husband's that can't make sacrifices for their babies. It's like they magically expect everything to just go back to pre-baby life. Then they make their wives feel bad that it doesn't. Ugh.

Yup. If you were expecting your husband to get up and do all the night wakings that would be one thing. But for him to be this pissy because you are handling it and he wants more attention from you is just ridiculous. I have had a couple periods of running myself ragged to meet the kids needs (including one of my kids with SN who needs more help with virtually everything) and just barely keeping it together while also working and my husband has a tantrum about how I’m not supporting him enough. I have pushed back HARD every time and he gets it but the truth is I care more about meeting the kids needs than meeting my husbands preferences. And I always will. I get to be the judge of what I consider a need when it comes to my kids and I make no apologies about. Your husband doesn’t NEED you sleeping in the same bed as him. Maybe he’s whining maybe he needs a SSRI who knows but focus on your kid and try not to pretend male post partum depression is a thing (signed a mom who had real post partum problems after her first pregnancy who got a lot of help to not repeat those issues with subsequent pregnancies)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just let your husband with his "postpartum" depression do the sleep training. You put in earplugs and sleep, let him handle it since he doesn't appreciate the way you are doing it. I have nothing really nice to say regarding the husband. Nor am I a sleep training expert, because my kids co-slept and I never did successfully sleep train them (I did try, and couldn't stomach the screaming).

What is with husband's that can't make sacrifices for their babies. It's like they magically expect everything to just go back to pre-baby life. Then they make their wives feel bad that it doesn't. Ugh.

Yup. If you were expecting your husband to get up and do all the night wakings that would be one thing. But for him to be this pissy because you are handling it and he wants more attention from you is just ridiculous. I have had a couple periods of running myself ragged to meet the kids needs (including one of my kids with SN who needs more help with virtually everything) and just barely keeping it together while also working and my husband has a tantrum about how I’m not supporting him enough. I have pushed back HARD every time and he gets it but the truth is I care more about meeting the kids needs than meeting my husbands preferences. And I always will. I get to be the judge of what I consider a need when it comes to my kids and I make no apologies about. Your husband doesn’t NEED you sleeping in the same bed as him. Maybe he’s whining maybe he needs a SSRI who knows but focus on your kid and try not to pretend male post partum depression is a thing (signed a mom who had real post partum problems after her first pregnancy who got a lot of help to not repeat those issues with subsequent pregnancies)

The issue is that there is no reason to be up with an 8 month old. So it’s likely hard for the husband to have a lot of sympathy at this point. I doubt he is even asking her to tend to the child during the night. OP has made decisions that have resulted in the child not sleeping. OP is being emotional about this as opposed to taking action for her kid to sleep. The husband had probably thrown his hands up in the air and backed off.

[Anonymous]

How is daytime sleep? Do you follow awake windows to the letter? And how is feeding during the day? Do you know how much milk baby is getting? Be militant about daytime sleep for 2 straight weeks, stop feeding to sleep, make sure he is good and full of milk all day long, and try drowsy but awake. Does soothing baby cribside help? Try to avoid picking up to soothe, but you can be present, touching baby, until they are deeply asleep. Do this for naps and nighttime waking. Eventually, slowly shorten the time you are present and soothing to get you to drowsy but awake stage. Give baby a lovey, the kind that's like a square of muslin fabric, no beads for eyes. At 8 months he will not suffocate himself with it, and he will like to have something to snuggle.

If daytime sleep is sorted out, you have a better chance of night time sleep chunks happening too, if not a full 12 hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP when you did cry it out and he fell asleep, he woke up a few hours later. What did you do when he woke up?

?

[Anonymous]

I would cosleep in the safest way possible. Only one parent should be in the bed. Remove sheets/blankets or make sure they stay below your waist.

[Anonymous]

At this point, I'd pay a sleep consultant. Your efforts aren't working, either because your kid is particularly tough, or you are doing something wrong without realizing it, or (most likely) a combo of both. And it's negatively impacting your marriage. This is not tenable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just let your husband with his "postpartum" depression do the sleep training. You put in earplugs and sleep, let him handle it since he doesn't appreciate the way you are doing it. I have nothing really nice to say regarding the husband. Nor am I a sleep training expert, because my kids co-slept and I never did successfully sleep train them (I did try, and couldn't stomach the screaming).

What is with husband's that can't make sacrifices for their babies. It's like they magically expect everything to just go back to pre-baby life. Then they make their wives feel bad that it doesn't. Ugh.

Yup. If you were expecting your husband to get up and do all the night wakings that would be one thing. But for him to be this pissy because you are handling it and he wants more attention from you is just ridiculous. I have had a couple periods of running myself ragged to meet the kids needs (including one of my kids with SN who needs more help with virtually everything) and just barely keeping it together while also working and my husband has a tantrum about how I’m not supporting him enough. I have pushed back HARD every time and he gets it but the truth is I care more about meeting the kids needs than meeting my husbands preferences. And I always will. I get to be the judge of what I consider a need when it comes to my kids and I make no apologies about. Your husband doesn’t NEED you sleeping in the same bed as him. Maybe he’s whining maybe he needs a SSRI who knows but focus on your kid and try not to pretend male post partum depression is a thing (signed a mom who had real post partum problems after her first pregnancy who got a lot of help to not repeat those issues with subsequent pregnancies)

The issue is that there is no reason to be up with an 8 month old. So it’s likely hard for the husband to have a lot of sympathy at this point. I doubt he is even asking her to tend to the child during the night. OP has made decisions that have resulted in the child not sleeping. OP is being emotional about this as opposed to taking action for her kid to sleep. The husband had probably thrown his hands up in the air and backed off.

That’s true for some kids. My child who was difficult to sleep train now has 3 diagnoses that explain why this was hard. 8 month olds can’t talk so you have to do your best to take care of the kid you have. My typical kid was very very different to sleep train.