When CIO Doesn't Work...

[Anonymous]

Man I really wonder how some of y’all stay married. Most of these cosleepers probably never have sex, which is precisely why cosleeping is off the table for both my DH and I. OP, he’s not a bad husband for wanting to share a bed and sleep with his wife, depression or not. Hire a sleep consultant. This isn’t hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man I really wonder how some of y’all stay married. Most of these cosleepers probably never have sex, which is precisely why cosleeping is off the table for both my DH and I. OP, he’s not a bad husband for wanting to share a bed and sleep with his wife, depression or not. Hire a sleep consultant. This isn’t hard.

+1. Seriously. Put the kid in his crib, close the door and go back in at 6 am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man I really wonder how some of y’all stay married. Most of these cosleepers probably never have sex, which is precisely why cosleeping is off the table for both my DH and I. OP, he’s not a bad husband for wanting to share a bed and sleep with his wife, depression or not. Hire a sleep consultant. This isn’t hard.

If you think listening to a baby cry for 3 hours isn’t hard, there is something wrong with you. Wow. It wasn’t hard for you maybe your kid had an easy time of it maybe you have a heart of stone. We will never know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man I really wonder how some of y’all stay married. Most of these cosleepers probably never have sex, which is precisely why cosleeping is off the table for both my DH and I. OP, he’s not a bad husband for wanting to share a bed and sleep with his wife, depression or not. Hire a sleep consultant. This isn’t hard.

If you think listening to a baby cry for 3 hours isn’t hard, there is something wrong with you. Wow. It wasn’t hard for you maybe your kid had an easy time of it maybe you have a heart of stone. We will never know.

What’s harder for me is seeing my child act tired and grumpy because he’s not sleeping. Or risking divorce and him growing up without a dad in the home because I couldn’t sleep train. Or being sick tired I can’t effectively do my job, get fired and then can’t save for college.

Some of you moms need to think bigger picture. There are way more important things. Sleep train your kid. If you can’t sleep train you’ll have serious issues later on with boundaries and important parenting decisions.

[Anonymous]

I think there are a lot of ways to do this that work well for different people.

Two things that don’t work:
1) nobody sleeping enough/well because of frequent and disruptive night wake ups
2) “CIO” but then giving up and going back to sleep crutches after a while or subsequent wakings.

OP it sounds like you’re doing both of those.

There are multiple effective ways to have healthy feeding and sleeping. Some people develop codependency and some unhealthy traumatic cycles that negatively impact their health and relationships. Both sentences can be true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man I really wonder how some of y’all stay married. Most of these cosleepers probably never have sex, which is precisely why cosleeping is off the table for both my DH and I. OP, he’s not a bad husband for wanting to share a bed and sleep with his wife, depression or not. Hire a sleep consultant. This isn’t hard.

+1. Seriously. Put the kid in his crib, close the door and go back in at 6 am.

Co-sleeping doesn't mean being in bed the entire 11-12 hour night with the baby.

[Anonymous]

OP you need to make a decision. Either you carry on what you doing with no changes and the situation stays the same for months if not years. There are plenty of people on here cosleeping with their 4 year olds. OR you decide the current situation is not working for you and you change it. You have created a crutch for your child at this point. An 8mo is capable of putting himself to sleep, sleeping thru the night, and not eating overnight. Yours doesn’t and you k ow why. Do you want to change or no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man I really wonder how some of y’all stay married. Most of these cosleepers probably never have sex, which is precisely why cosleeping is off the table for both my DH and I. OP, he’s not a bad husband for wanting to share a bed and sleep with his wife, depression or not. Hire a sleep consultant. This isn’t hard.

1. Why are you obsessed with other peoples sex lives?
2. Trigger alert: There are other places to have sex outside of a bed and/or master bedroom.
3. if a grown a$$ man wants to share a bed and sleep with his wife (has feelings about that) then why wouldnt a small child also want to sleep with his mother/parents. Or is bed only for sex and thats why its weird? My couch can be both a place for people to sit AND a place for sex. Cars, kitchen, stairs, garage, dryer, bathroom, shower, etc.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know how you cosleepers do it because when we get to bedtime, I am OUTTA THERE. The time between kid bedtime and my bedtime is so precious to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man I really wonder how some of y’all stay married. Most of these cosleepers probably never have sex, which is precisely why cosleeping is off the table for both my DH and I. OP, he’s not a bad husband for wanting to share a bed and sleep with his wife, depression or not. Hire a sleep consultant. This isn’t hard.

It’s pretty easy to have sex while cosleeping. It’s not that different from having them in a crib or other room except you have to be quieter I guess. With young babies, you can just get them asleep on another part of the bed. With older babies or toddlers, you can get them to sleep then go have sex in another room. I mean, how do you think people had sex for most of human history before separate bedrooms became common?

There’s always time for sex no matter where your child sleeps or how bad a sleeper they are. Even if they wake up every hour, that is still plenty of time to have sex. I know because I’ve been there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man I really wonder how some of y’all stay married. Most of these cosleepers probably never have sex, which is precisely why cosleeping is off the table for both my DH and I. OP, he’s not a bad husband for wanting to share a bed and sleep with his wife, depression or not. Hire a sleep consultant. This isn’t hard.

It’s pretty easy to have sex while cosleeping. It’s not that different from having them in a crib or other room except you have to be quieter I guess. With young babies, you can just get them asleep on another part of the bed. With older babies or toddlers, you can get them to sleep then go have sex in another room. I mean, how do you think people had sex for most of human history before separate bedrooms became common?

There’s always time for sex no matter where your child sleeps or how bad a sleeper they are. Even if they wake up every hour, that is still plenty of time to have sex. I know because I’ve been there.

Sounds so much easier to simply have your kids sleep in their own rooms. People coslept for years because they had limited space and no other options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man I really wonder how some of y’all stay married. Most of these cosleepers probably never have sex, which is precisely why cosleeping is off the table for both my DH and I. OP, he’s not a bad husband for wanting to share a bed and sleep with his wife, depression or not. Hire a sleep consultant. This isn’t hard.

1. Why are you obsessed with other peoples sex lives?
2. Trigger alert: There are other places to have sex outside of a bed and/or master bedroom.
3. if a grown a$$ man wants to share a bed and sleep with his wife (has feelings about that) then why wouldnt a small child also want to sleep with his mother/parents. Or is bed only for sex and thats why its weird? My couch can be both a place for people to sit AND a place for sex. Cars, kitchen, stairs, garage, dryer, bathroom, shower, etc.

Hahaha yes - OP needs to sleep train her husband so he can learn how to spend the night alone without getting depressed. Pretty ironic that everyone feels bad for the husband sleeping alone but not the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you need to make a decision. Either you carry on what you doing with no changes and the situation stays the same for months if not years. There are plenty of people on here cosleeping with their 4 year olds. OR you decide the current situation is not working for you and you change it. You have created a crutch for your child at this point. An 8mo is capable of putting himself to sleep, sleeping thru the night, and not eating overnight. Yours doesn’t and you k ow why. Do you want to change or no?

This. Unfortunately a mom who is even engaging in something like this is unlikely to change. Parents who establish boundaries, prioritize their marriage and care about their children don’t enable an 8 month old to not sleep and require co-sleeping.

I feel so bad for the husband. Bet he really regrets having kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My almost 8 month old sleeps terribly. We have always had to feed him to sleep and then transfer him to the crib, even for most naps. Sometimes we have to feed him to sleep and then he will wake up in an hour or so and then we have to rock him. His long stretch was between 2 to 4 hours. He is also high needs and suffered from reflux until about 5 months.

At six months my husband started on insisting on sleep training. I sleep in the nursery with the baby and my husband sleeps in the bedroom alone. I was against sleep training but my husband is suffering from male post-partum depression and he felt that he needed me back in the bedroom with him instead of getting up with the baby all night.

I followed the book Precious Little Sleep and started with softer sleep training techniques. None of it helped. After that we tried extinction. The first night he literally cried for three hours. It was better some nights in that he only cried for an hour or so. The crying did not get progressively shorter though. Even when he cried it out he would only go down for a four hour stretch at most. Some nights he’d be up 40 minutes after he fell asleep. We did this for two weeks but overall there was no improvement in his sleep habits. It was torture for me to listen to him cry. My husband wants the baby to cry it out indefinitely which I think is cruel.

Since then, I have gone back to feeding my son to sleep. Right now, he has no long stretch at the beginnig of the night but has sometimes gone three hours or so in the middle of the night. I will admit that sometimes if he has no long stretches by 3 or 4 am I take him into bed with me and he will sleep in bed next to me. He sleeps really well that way but I stay awake to watch him and keep him safe. I know this is not sustainable! Has anyone else had this experience? Where do I go from here?!

You do whatever gets the most sleep. Nursing is not a crutch at this age. Pediatricians talk out their a$$ about nighttime feedings. There is so much good stuff that is provided in nighttime breastmilk and its completely normal to need to nurse at night for some kids.

You husband does not need you. He wants you. Your child does need you. Meet your child where they are. The more you pull away and push independence the more they will cling. You can erect boundaries in gentle ways. Do not limit feeds until water can be introduced in sufficient amounts. 2-8 oz is the limit for up to 12 months.

Try cosleeping. Follow the safe 7 sleep and look up Dr. James McKenna and his sleep lab. If on FB or IG find the group: beyond sleep training. Find your village and get support for moms who are struggling with kids that dont sleep well independently.

You cant make kids do 3 things: eat, sleep, or pee/poop. Once you accept that, you can find techniques to help you manage and/or slowly work towards the best outcome for all parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man I really wonder how some of y’all stay married. Most of these cosleepers probably never have sex, which is precisely why cosleeping is off the table for both my DH and I. OP, he’s not a bad husband for wanting to share a bed and sleep with his wife, depression or not. Hire a sleep consultant. This isn’t hard.

It’s pretty easy to have sex while cosleeping. It’s not that different from having them in a crib or other room except you have to be quieter I guess. With young babies, you can just get them asleep on another part of the bed. With older babies or toddlers, you can get them to sleep then go have sex in another room. I mean, how do you think people had sex for most of human history before separate bedrooms became common?

There’s always time for sex no matter where your child sleeps or how bad a sleeper they are. Even if they wake up every hour, that is still plenty of time to have sex. I know because I’ve been there.

Sounds so much easier to simply have your kids sleep in their own rooms. People coslept for years because they had limited space and no other options.

Then explain why it still happens in other parts of the world that are developed and your reasons for dismissal arent valid