Is a "top" school district really the right choice for special needs kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the top school systems have more of the resources and experience to do SN well. I don’t think a school system that has trouble educationing NT students can do SNs well.

My DS with ASD/ADHD, combined type, attended a DC immersion charter and while they tried their best, it was subpar. The main issue being that while they gave us everything our neuropsych recommended in the IEP, the overall education in English and Math wasn’t great and DS was fully mainstreamed, got As and 5s in PARCC.

Now DS goes to a top mainstream private in MA after catching up and fixing holes in his English and Math when we were homeschooling for a year due to COVID.

I think you should go to the best school system possible. At least there you know the education is good. Why would you expect a school system that doesn’t do education well to be better with SNs?

I agree with you that I'm definitely not considering "bad" or "subpar" school systems. I'm really trying to compare the good one (e.g., Bethesda or Potomac) with the very top one nationwide (Lexington MA, Scarsdale NY or Short Hills NJ). Would the very top ones be too competitive while the good one is the right balance for an ASD + ADHD kid? Any thought is appreciated.

Even more interestingly, you mentioned your DS is doing well in the mainstream private. Can I ask how did you manage that? My DS is currently in a small and warm mainstream private Pre-K class. He is very happy there, although is not gaining too much social skills. The reason we are thinking about leaving is because our developmental pd thinks the mainstream private classroom doesn't really know how to support an ASD + ADHD kid and thus recommends us to add an 1:1 aide for DS in school for a year or so to help improving DS's social skills and self-regulation skills, however the school is not very willing to accommodate the 1:1 aide. That's why we are considering public schools instead. Do you mind talk a little bit, in your opinion, what kind of mainstream private is good for ASD + ADHD kid? Of course maybe your DS is more high functioning than mine currently, so maybe we just need to get our DS some strong support for a year or two before sending him back to another mainstream private ...

My kid is in middle school. At this point he doesn’t need any services, meds or accommodations. DS was diagnosed with ASD/Asperger’s when he was four and ADHD, combined type when he was 7. He was fully mainstreamed with IEP prek-5 at a dual language immersion charter. At this point, I doubt he would get an ADHD diagnosis if he had another neuropsych eval: He has no academic issues, has excellent executive functioning and is a top student. Granted his ADHD was mostly hyperactive not impulsive or inattentive. DS gets along well with peers and has friends.

If your child is happy at his preschool, let him stay there. The one on one aid isn’t going to do much of anything with helping with social skills. I am presuming your child is fine with adults and the issue is with peers. Keep your kid at the school if he is happy!

I am not sure what mainstream private would be the best for your DS. While I complain about my kid’s immersion charter, they were great about providing supports and services through the IEP including OT, pragmatic speech, social skills classes, PT, etc. We only used school provided services except for a few months, 4?, of private OT. I am not sure if these services were helpful to be honest. The most helpful was DS having a wonderful, warm, nurturing SN teachers/case manager in some of those years and OT which taught DS to type on a laptop starting in 2nd grade. School OT also taught him to tie his shoes, buttons, zippers, utensils, etc.

As I said, the education in English especially in writing and Math was poor and DS was in the top reading and math groups throughout elementary school.

Since your DC is little, your main concern should be how much he likes his school and it sounds like he does. I would keep him there and not bother with the 1:1 aid unless the school thinks he needs one.

Really appreciate your inputs. Part of me definitely agree with you (why bother change since DS is happy right now). But … our developmental pd strongly recommend adding 1:1 aide if we stay at the current private, and part of me agree with that. The school is very nice and warm and DS is happy, but there is no SN support: there is no teacher with SN background and no speech and OT therapy integrated in the school day (all we can do is to add some speech and OT therapy after school). As a result, DS’s social & communicative skills as well as self-regulation skills are not getting improved fast enough. Our dev pd recommended either staying at current school but adding an 1:1 aide as well as integrated speech/OT in the classroom, or going to a good public with IEP, or going to an “SN lite” private where at least classroom teachers have SN background (unfortunately “SN lite” privates are very rare and they are all full). At the current school I’m not sure I can be allowed to add the 1:1 aide or classroom speech/OT for DS for long. Yes it’s possible I’m overreacting and DS doesn’t need 1:1 aide at all and he will grow out of all the issues by himself. However I also think early intervention for ASD is important and DS is already entering K so I probably should not do “let’s wait and see” any more. I’m just trying to show you my perspectives. Let me know your thoughts - thanks a million.

On a separate note, what do you think help your DS transitioning from ASD/ADHD to where he is right now? The way I read it, it’s either time (he simply grows out of it) or it’s that wonderful SN teacher? Then we probably should get our DS to a place where he can be supported by some SN educator / teacher?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^oh, and of the areas you mentioned, I would pick Lexington, MA. MA is great for SNs probably the best out of all the areas you mention.

Should I be worried that Lexington is too “top” aka competitive for an ASD + ADHD kid? That’s almost the top school district of the entire nation … a lot of Harvard / MIT parents I guess … lol

[Anonymous]

In MA, check out the SEPACs for the towns you are considering. They'll have a lot of helpful information. Avoid Arlington, MA. Lots of complaints about student services there. I personally wouldn't choose Lexington for that profile. Take a look at Natick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In MA, check out the SEPACs for the towns you are considering. They'll have a lot of helpful information. Avoid Arlington, MA. Lots of complaints about student services there. I personally wouldn't choose Lexington for that profile. Take a look at Natick.

Thanks a lot. Could you elaborate on Lexington vs Natick? How about Belmont or Newton?

In case you are familiar with DC metro, how much difference Natick/Lexington/Newton make for an ASD/ADHD kid compared to DC metro such as Bethesda or McLean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It truly depends on your child’s needs. MCPS is huge and has a lot of options. However, the downside is that if your child doesn’t fit into one of their programs, they will still stick them there and just try their best. In addition, it is very impersonal- the people making the placement decisions have often never met your child.

In a smaller district, it is probably more personal but they won’t have the same options.

I did not find this with MCPS. when my son didn’t fit, they developed a program within a program for him. The resources at MCPS are amazing and the commitment to success was evident. Also even though it’s big, the special Ed community at the schools is small and the same people are involved with your child for years. So I didn’t find it impersonal either.

I do think better districts are better equipped to handle special needs. My son got so many more services and opportunities than his cousin who was in a smaller district that had less resources.

[Anonymous]

I hear you, OP, but I think top school districts have more resources and most special needs kids will be in different classes than the ones being pushed for their more competitive cohort. At a big school system, there will be lots of different kids.

That said, and I'm sure you want to do the best for your kid, I wouldn't pick a city to live in solely based on my kids' education. Pick a city you want to live in and then pick the best schools available - and if public doesn't work, you can go back to private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^oh, and of the areas you mentioned, I would pick Lexington, MA. MA is great for SNs probably the best out of all the areas you mention.

Should I be worried that Lexington is too “top” aka competitive for an ASD + ADHD kid? That’s almost the top school district of the entire nation … a lot of Harvard / MIT parents I guess … lol

OP, first understand that "top" as it is generally used is arbitrary and has almost nothing to do with the quality of the schools. If you round up a bunch of children of type A, Ivy League grads and put them in the same building, of course their scores are going to be high. We recently switched our ADHD DD out of a "top" school district and could not be happier with that decision.

In our experience the teachers at these "top" schools were actually quite lazy and poorly trained. They were used to having high-performing students spoon-fed to them and had to do little more than make the curriculum available. Teaching neurodiverse kids takes quite a lot of skill, emotional intelligence and dedication. Why should they invest all that time in struggling students when most of their student can excel with the bare minimum effort on their part.

When looking at "top" schools understand that test scores reflect very little on the school. Find a school with highly skilled, trained and dedicated teachers and don't worry about test scores.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It truly depends on your child’s needs. MCPS is huge and has a lot of options. However, the downside is that if your child doesn’t fit into one of their programs, they will still stick them there and just try their best. In addition, it is very impersonal- the people making the placement decisions have often never met your child.

In a smaller district, it is probably more personal but they won’t have the same options.

I did not find this with MCPS. when my son didn’t fit, they developed a program within a program for him. The resources at MCPS are amazing and the commitment to success was evident. Also even though it’s big, the special Ed community at the schools is small and the same people are involved with your child for years. So I didn’t find it impersonal either.

I do think better districts are better equipped to handle special needs. My son got so many more services and opportunities than his cousin who was in a smaller district that had less resources.

Was in a W district and not Autism (the parents of autistic kids do a great job advocating) but we had a horrendous MCPS experience with adhd and dyslexia. I have to say the complete opposite of this PP - horrible teacher culture. Would choose any place over MCPS - literally DCPS has to have been better. Yep

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the top school systems have more of the resources and experience to do SN well. I don’t think a school system that has trouble educationing NT students can do SNs well.

My DS with ASD/ADHD, combined type, attended a DC immersion charter and while they tried their best, it was subpar. The main issue being that while they gave us everything our neuropsych recommended in the IEP, the overall education in English and Math wasn’t great and DS was fully mainstreamed, got As and 5s in PARCC.

Now DS goes to a top mainstream private in MA after catching up and fixing holes in his English and Math when we were homeschooling for a year due to COVID.

I think you should go to the best school system possible. At least there you know the education is good. Why would you expect a school system that doesn’t do education well to be better with SNs?

I agree with you that I'm definitely not considering "bad" or "subpar" school systems. I'm really trying to compare the good one (e.g., Bethesda or Potomac) with the very top one nationwide (Lexington MA, Scarsdale NY or Short Hills NJ). Would the very top ones be too competitive while the good one is the right balance for an ASD + ADHD kid? Any thought is appreciated.

Even more interestingly, you mentioned your DS is doing well in the mainstream private. Can I ask how did you manage that? My DS is currently in a small and warm mainstream private Pre-K class. He is very happy there, although is not gaining too much social skills. The reason we are thinking about leaving is because our developmental pd thinks the mainstream private classroom doesn't really know how to support an ASD + ADHD kid and thus recommends us to add an 1:1 aide for DS in school for a year or so to help improving DS's social skills and self-regulation skills, however the school is not very willing to accommodate the 1:1 aide. That's why we are considering public schools instead. Do you mind talk a little bit, in your opinion, what kind of mainstream private is good for ASD + ADHD kid? Of course maybe your DS is more high functioning than mine currently, so maybe we just need to get our DS some strong support for a year or two before sending him back to another mainstream private ...

My kid is in middle school. At this point he doesn’t need any services, meds or accommodations. DS was diagnosed with ASD/Asperger’s when he was four and ADHD, combined type when he was 7. He was fully mainstreamed with IEP prek-5 at a dual language immersion charter. At this point, I doubt he would get an ADHD diagnosis if he had another neuropsych eval: He has no academic issues, has excellent executive functioning and is a top student. Granted his ADHD was mostly hyperactive not impulsive or inattentive. DS gets along well with peers and has friends.

If your child is happy at his preschool, let him stay there. The one on one aid isn’t going to do much of anything with helping with social skills. I am presuming your child is fine with adults and the issue is with peers. Keep your kid at the school if he is happy!

I am not sure what mainstream private would be the best for your DS. While I complain about my kid’s immersion charter, they were great about providing supports and services through the IEP including OT, pragmatic speech, social skills classes, PT, etc. We only used school provided services except for a few months, 4?, of private OT. I am not sure if these services were helpful to be honest. The most helpful was DS having a wonderful, warm, nurturing SN teachers/case manager in some of those years and OT which taught DS to type on a laptop starting in 2nd grade. School OT also taught him to tie his shoes, buttons, zippers, utensils, etc.

As I said, the education in English especially in writing and Math was poor and DS was in the top reading and math groups throughout elementary school.

Since your DC is little, your main concern should be how much he likes his school and it sounds like he does. I would keep him there and not bother with the 1:1 aid unless the school thinks he needs one.

Really appreciate your inputs. Part of me definitely agree with you (why bother change since DS is happy right now). But … our developmental pd strongly recommend adding 1:1 aide if we stay at the current private, and part of me agree with that. The school is very nice and warm and DS is happy, but there is no SN support: there is no teacher with SN background and no speech and OT therapy integrated in the school day (all we can do is to add some speech and OT therapy after school). As a result, DS’s social & communicative skills as well as self-regulation skills are not getting improved fast enough. Our dev pd recommended either staying at current school but adding an 1:1 aide as well as integrated speech/OT in the classroom, or going to a good public with IEP, or going to an “SN lite” private where at least classroom teachers have SN background (unfortunately “SN lite” privates are very rare and they are all full). At the current school I’m not sure I can be allowed to add the 1:1 aide or classroom speech/OT for DS for long. Yes it’s possible I’m overreacting and DS doesn’t need 1:1 aide at all and he will grow out of all the issues by himself. However I also think early intervention for ASD is important and DS is already entering K so I probably should not do “let’s wait and see” any more. I’m just trying to show you my perspectives. Let me know your thoughts - thanks a million.

On a separate note, what do you think help your DS transitioning from ASD/ADHD to where he is right now? The way I read it, it’s either time (he simply grows out of it) or it’s that wonderful SN teacher? Then we probably should get our DS to a place where he can be supported by some SN educator / teacher?

For K, I would move to a top school system that does inclusion well and get your child an IEP. I would not move him to a SN private or a SN lite private without trying mainstream with IEP first at a good school. Main thing I would look for in a school: warm, nurturing SN teachers in the classroom (co-teaching with the main teacher) especially if you are doing mainstreamed with IEP. Having the SN teacher in the classroom is way better than a 1:1 aide, better for the entire class actually. Smaller class size for inclusive classes. The school should provide OT, speech, etc as pull outs and provide all the services and accommodations at school as part of a regular school day.

Newton, MA is also great like Lexington. You want to go to a school system with sophisticated parents who already did the heavy lifting and got their kids with ASD/ADHD what they needed from their school system: Wealthy school systems are best with this as are progressive Blue states and MA is the bluest.

My kid still has ASD/Asperger’s. It’s not something you outgrow. His grandfather also likely had it and he lived a successful, contented life without a diagnosis or anything so I am not surprised that DS does fine with a diagnosis and aware of his issues. It’s maturity and time that helped a lot as well as “just having the awareness” - DS is very smart, self aware, very self motivated, confident and happy. I personally think happiness in school counts for a lot too. DS was never bullied, had friends and always got along with peers even when he did not always get along with adults.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^oh, and of the areas you mentioned, I would pick Lexington, MA. MA is great for SNs probably the best out of all the areas you mention.

Should I be worried that Lexington is too “top” aka competitive for an ASD + ADHD kid? That’s almost the top school district of the entire nation … a lot of Harvard / MIT parents I guess … lol

OP, first understand that "top" as it is generally used is arbitrary and has almost nothing to do with the quality of the schools. If you round up a bunch of children of type A, Ivy League grads and put them in the same building, of course their scores are going to be high. We recently switched our ADHD DD out of a "top" school district and could not be happier with that decision.

In our experience the teachers at these "top" schools were actually quite lazy and poorly trained. They were used to having high-performing students spoon-fed to them and had to do little more than make the curriculum available. Teaching neurodiverse kids takes quite a lot of skill, emotional intelligence and dedication. Why should they invest all that time in struggling students when most of their student can excel with the bare minimum effort on their part.

When looking at "top" schools understand that test scores reflect very little on the school. Find a school with highly skilled, trained and dedicated teachers and don't worry about test scores.

I definitely agree that testing scores are utterly useless when choosing a school district for a SN kid. I'm really ranking school districts by their SN resources ... which happens to give me all those "top" districts. The reality is that usually the affluent towns with "top" school districts are also the ones with ample SN resources.

I understand "a school with highly skilled, trained and dedicated teachers" is the best. But I don't know where to look in order to find a school with "highly skilled, trained and dedicated teachers", especially in case of public schools.

Any input is appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the top school systems have more of the resources and experience to do SN well. I don’t think a school system that has trouble educationing NT students can do SNs well.

My DS with ASD/ADHD, combined type, attended a DC immersion charter and while they tried their best, it was subpar. The main issue being that while they gave us everything our neuropsych recommended in the IEP, the overall education in English and Math wasn’t great and DS was fully mainstreamed, got As and 5s in PARCC.

Now DS goes to a top mainstream private in MA after catching up and fixing holes in his English and Math when we were homeschooling for a year due to COVID.

I think you should go to the best school system possible. At least there you know the education is good. Why would you expect a school system that doesn’t do education well to be better with SNs?

I agree with you that I'm definitely not considering "bad" or "subpar" school systems. I'm really trying to compare the good one (e.g., Bethesda or Potomac) with the very top one nationwide (Lexington MA, Scarsdale NY or Short Hills NJ). Would the very top ones be too competitive while the good one is the right balance for an ASD + ADHD kid? Any thought is appreciated.

Even more interestingly, you mentioned your DS is doing well in the mainstream private. Can I ask how did you manage that? My DS is currently in a small and warm mainstream private Pre-K class. He is very happy there, although is not gaining too much social skills. The reason we are thinking about leaving is because our developmental pd thinks the mainstream private classroom doesn't really know how to support an ASD + ADHD kid and thus recommends us to add an 1:1 aide for DS in school for a year or so to help improving DS's social skills and self-regulation skills, however the school is not very willing to accommodate the 1:1 aide. That's why we are considering public schools instead. Do you mind talk a little bit, in your opinion, what kind of mainstream private is good for ASD + ADHD kid? Of course maybe your DS is more high functioning than mine currently, so maybe we just need to get our DS some strong support for a year or two before sending him back to another mainstream private ...

My kid is in middle school. At this point he doesn’t need any services, meds or accommodations. DS was diagnosed with ASD/Asperger’s when he was four and ADHD, combined type when he was 7. He was fully mainstreamed with IEP prek-5 at a dual language immersion charter. At this point, I doubt he would get an ADHD diagnosis if he had another neuropsych eval: He has no academic issues, has excellent executive functioning and is a top student. Granted his ADHD was mostly hyperactive not impulsive or inattentive. DS gets along well with peers and has friends.

If your child is happy at his preschool, let him stay there. The one on one aid isn’t going to do much of anything with helping with social skills. I am presuming your child is fine with adults and the issue is with peers. Keep your kid at the school if he is happy!

I am not sure what mainstream private would be the best for your DS. While I complain about my kid’s immersion charter, they were great about providing supports and services through the IEP including OT, pragmatic speech, social skills classes, PT, etc. We only used school provided services except for a few months, 4?, of private OT. I am not sure if these services were helpful to be honest. The most helpful was DS having a wonderful, warm, nurturing SN teachers/case manager in some of those years and OT which taught DS to type on a laptop starting in 2nd grade. School OT also taught him to tie his shoes, buttons, zippers, utensils, etc.

As I said, the education in English especially in writing and Math was poor and DS was in the top reading and math groups throughout elementary school.

Since your DC is little, your main concern should be how much he likes his school and it sounds like he does. I would keep him there and not bother with the 1:1 aid unless the school thinks he needs one.

Really appreciate your inputs. Part of me definitely agree with you (why bother change since DS is happy right now). But … our developmental pd strongly recommend adding 1:1 aide if we stay at the current private, and part of me agree with that. The school is very nice and warm and DS is happy, but there is no SN support: there is no teacher with SN background and no speech and OT therapy integrated in the school day (all we can do is to add some speech and OT therapy after school). As a result, DS’s social & communicative skills as well as self-regulation skills are not getting improved fast enough. Our dev pd recommended either staying at current school but adding an 1:1 aide as well as integrated speech/OT in the classroom, or going to a good public with IEP, or going to an “SN lite” private where at least classroom teachers have SN background (unfortunately “SN lite” privates are very rare and they are all full). At the current school I’m not sure I can be allowed to add the 1:1 aide or classroom speech/OT for DS for long. Yes it’s possible I’m overreacting and DS doesn’t need 1:1 aide at all and he will grow out of all the issues by himself. However I also think early intervention for ASD is important and DS is already entering K so I probably should not do “let’s wait and see” any more. I’m just trying to show you my perspectives. Let me know your thoughts - thanks a million.

On a separate note, what do you think help your DS transitioning from ASD/ADHD to where he is right now? The way I read it, it’s either time (he simply grows out of it) or it’s that wonderful SN teacher? Then we probably should get our DS to a place where he can be supported by some SN educator / teacher?

For K, I would move to a top school system that does inclusion well and get your child an IEP. I would not move him to a SN private or a SN lite private without trying mainstream with IEP first at a good school. Main thing I would look for in a school: warm, nurturing SN teachers in the classroom (co-teaching with the main teacher) especially if you are doing mainstreamed with IEP. Having the SN teacher in the classroom is way better than a 1:1 aide, better for the entire class actually. Smaller class size for inclusive classes. The school should provide OT, speech, etc as pull outs and provide all the services and accommodations at school as part of a regular school day.

Newton, MA is also great like Lexington. You want to go to a school system with sophisticated parents who already did the heavy lifting and got their kids with ASD/ADHD what they needed from their school system: Wealthy school systems are best with this as are progressive Blue states and MA is the bluest.

My kid still has ASD/Asperger’s. It’s not something you outgrow. His grandfather also likely had it and he lived a successful, contented life without a diagnosis or anything so I am not surprised that DS does fine with a diagnosis and aware of his issues. It’s maturity and time that helped a lot as well as “just having the awareness” - DS is very smart, self aware, very self motivated, confident and happy. I personally think happiness in school counts for a lot too. DS was never bullied, had friends and always got along with peers even when he did not always get along with adults.

Good luck!

Many many thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^oh, and of the areas you mentioned, I would pick Lexington, MA. MA is great for SNs probably the best out of all the areas you mention.

Should I be worried that Lexington is too “top” aka competitive for an ASD + ADHD kid? That’s almost the top school district of the entire nation … a lot of Harvard / MIT parents I guess … lol

OP, first understand that "top" as it is generally used is arbitrary and has almost nothing to do with the quality of the schools. If you round up a bunch of children of type A, Ivy League grads and put them in the same building, of course their scores are going to be high. We recently switched our ADHD DD out of a "top" school district and could not be happier with that decision.

In our experience the teachers at these "top" schools were actually quite lazy and poorly trained. They were used to having high-performing students spoon-fed to them and had to do little more than make the curriculum available. Teaching neurodiverse kids takes quite a lot of skill, emotional intelligence and dedication. Why should they invest all that time in struggling students when most of their student can excel with the bare minimum effort on their part.

When looking at "top" schools understand that test scores reflect very little on the school. Find a school with highly skilled, trained and dedicated teachers and don't worry about test scores.

I definitely agree that testing scores are utterly useless when choosing a school district for a SN kid. I'm really ranking school districts by their SN resources ... which happens to give me all those "top" districts. The reality is that usually the affluent towns with "top" school districts are also the ones with ample SN resources.

I understand "a school with highly skilled, trained and dedicated teachers" is the best. But I don't know where to look in order to find a school with "highly skilled, trained and dedicated teachers", especially in case of public schools.

Any input is appreciated.

Go to teacher training programs in the areas where your child needs help. Take a class with these teachers from different districts and it becomes apparent VERY quickly who supports SN kids the best. (Often there is a teacher in there who also has a kid struggling with same issues - they give the best advice). We did this - found a better district and child is thriving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the top school systems have more of the resources and experience to do SN well. I don’t think a school system that has trouble educationing NT students can do SNs well.

My DS with ASD/ADHD, combined type, attended a DC immersion charter and while they tried their best, it was subpar. The main issue being that while they gave us everything our neuropsych recommended in the IEP, the overall education in English and Math wasn’t great and DS was fully mainstreamed, got As and 5s in PARCC.

Now DS goes to a top mainstream private in MA after catching up and fixing holes in his English and Math when we were homeschooling for a year due to COVID.

I think you should go to the best school system possible. At least there you know the education is good. Why would you expect a school system that doesn’t do education well to be better with SNs?

I agree with you that I'm definitely not considering "bad" or "subpar" school systems. I'm really trying to compare the good one (e.g., Bethesda or Potomac) with the very top one nationwide (Lexington MA, Scarsdale NY or Short Hills NJ). Would the very top ones be too competitive while the good one is the right balance for an ASD + ADHD kid? Any thought is appreciated.

Even more interestingly, you mentioned your DS is doing well in the mainstream private. Can I ask how did you manage that? My DS is currently in a small and warm mainstream private Pre-K class. He is very happy there, although is not gaining too much social skills. The reason we are thinking about leaving is because our developmental pd thinks the mainstream private classroom doesn't really know how to support an ASD + ADHD kid and thus recommends us to add an 1:1 aide for DS in school for a year or so to help improving DS's social skills and self-regulation skills, however the school is not very willing to accommodate the 1:1 aide. That's why we are considering public schools instead. Do you mind talk a little bit, in your opinion, what kind of mainstream private is good for ASD + ADHD kid? Of course maybe your DS is more high functioning than mine currently, so maybe we just need to get our DS some strong support for a year or two before sending him back to another mainstream private ...

My kid is in middle school. At this point he doesn’t need any services, meds or accommodations. DS was diagnosed with ASD/Asperger’s when he was four and ADHD, combined type when he was 7. He was fully mainstreamed with IEP prek-5 at a dual language immersion charter. At this point, I doubt he would get an ADHD diagnosis if he had another neuropsych eval: He has no academic issues, has excellent executive functioning and is a top student. Granted his ADHD was mostly hyperactive not impulsive or inattentive. DS gets along well with peers and has friends.

If your child is happy at his preschool, let him stay there. The one on one aid isn’t going to do much of anything with helping with social skills. I am presuming your child is fine with adults and the issue is with peers. Keep your kid at the school if he is happy!

I am not sure what mainstream private would be the best for your DS. While I complain about my kid’s immersion charter, they were great about providing supports and services through the IEP including OT, pragmatic speech, social skills classes, PT, etc. We only used school provided services except for a few months, 4?, of private OT. I am not sure if these services were helpful to be honest. The most helpful was DS having a wonderful, warm, nurturing SN teachers/case manager in some of those years and OT which taught DS to type on a laptop starting in 2nd grade. School OT also taught him to tie his shoes, buttons, zippers, utensils, etc.

As I said, the education in English especially in writing and Math was poor and DS was in the top reading and math groups throughout elementary school.

Since your DC is little, your main concern should be how much he likes his school and it sounds like he does. I would keep him there and not bother with the 1:1 aid unless the school thinks he needs one.

Really appreciate your inputs. Part of me definitely agree with you (why bother change since DS is happy right now). But … our developmental pd strongly recommend adding 1:1 aide if we stay at the current private, and part of me agree with that. The school is very nice and warm and DS is happy, but there is no SN support: there is no teacher with SN background and no speech and OT therapy integrated in the school day (all we can do is to add some speech and OT therapy after school). As a result, DS’s social & communicative skills as well as self-regulation skills are not getting improved fast enough. Our dev pd recommended either staying at current school but adding an 1:1 aide as well as integrated speech/OT in the classroom, or going to a good public with IEP, or going to an “SN lite” private where at least classroom teachers have SN background (unfortunately “SN lite” privates are very rare and they are all full). At the current school I’m not sure I can be allowed to add the 1:1 aide or classroom speech/OT for DS for long. Yes it’s possible I’m overreacting and DS doesn’t need 1:1 aide at all and he will grow out of all the issues by himself. However I also think early intervention for ASD is important and DS is already entering K so I probably should not do “let’s wait and see” any more. I’m just trying to show you my perspectives. Let me know your thoughts - thanks a million.

On a separate note, what do you think help your DS transitioning from ASD/ADHD to where he is right now? The way I read it, it’s either time (he simply grows out of it) or it’s that wonderful SN teacher? Then we probably should get our DS to a place where he can be supported by some SN educator / teacher?

For K, I would move to a top school system that does inclusion well and get your child an IEP. I would not move him to a SN private or a SN lite private without trying mainstream with IEP first at a good school. Main thing I would look for in a school: warm, nurturing SN teachers in the classroom (co-teaching with the main teacher) especially if you are doing mainstreamed with IEP. Having the SN teacher in the classroom is way better than a 1:1 aide, better for the entire class actually. Smaller class size for inclusive classes. The school should provide OT, speech, etc as pull outs and provide all the services and accommodations at school as part of a regular school day.

Newton, MA is also great like Lexington. You want to go to a school system with sophisticated parents who already did the heavy lifting and got their kids with ASD/ADHD what they needed from their school system: Wealthy school systems are best with this as are progressive Blue states and MA is the bluest.

My kid still has ASD/Asperger’s. It’s not something you outgrow. His grandfather also likely had it and he lived a successful, contented life without a diagnosis or anything so I am not surprised that DS does fine with a diagnosis and aware of his issues. It’s maturity and time that helped a lot as well as “just having the awareness” - DS is very smart, self aware, very self motivated, confident and happy. I personally think happiness in school counts for a lot too. DS was never bullied, had friends and always got along with peers even when he did not always get along with adults.

Good luck!

Many many thanks!

You are welcome. As an example my kid’s kindergarten class had a head teacher, assistant teacher and the SN teacher in a classroom of 17 kids. Better than most private schools in DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you said how old your child is but I think self-confidence is a really important thing for a child with ADHD and other special needs to develop in childhood and if you don't have that you have an unhappy child who may struggle for the rest of their lives.

I think being in an environment where they feel good about themselves is really important. I can't tell you how many times parents with SN kids have talked to me about how alone their child feels in our high performing school. There are others but when everyone else is easily getting perfect grades while at the same time is excelling at sports or dance while your child is struggling to sit still it can really make them feel pretty bad.

I agree. My two ADHD kids would not thrive in a “top” pressure cooker environment.

Mine didn’t so I didn’t even try for the other one. Both ADHD. Was a disaster. They needed exactly the opposite of a pressure cooker. That if continued would have been very damaging. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It truly depends on your child’s needs. MCPS is huge and has a lot of options. However, the downside is that if your child doesn’t fit into one of their programs, they will still stick them there and just try their best. In addition, it is very impersonal- the people making the placement decisions have often never met your child.

In a smaller district, it is probably more personal but they won’t have the same options.

I did not find this with MCPS. when my son didn’t fit, they developed a program within a program for him. The resources at MCPS are amazing and the commitment to success was evident. Also even though it’s big, the special Ed community at the schools is small and the same people are involved with your child for years. So I didn’t find it impersonal either.

I do think better districts are better equipped to handle special needs. My son got so many more services and opportunities than his cousin who was in a smaller district that had less resources.

Was in a W district and not Autism (the parents of autistic kids do a great job advocating) but we had a horrendous MCPS experience with adhd and dyslexia. I have to say the complete opposite of this PP - horrible teacher culture. Would choose any place over MCPS - literally DCPS has to have been better. Yep

We are not in a W district