Is a "top" school district really the right choice for special needs kids?

[Anonymous]

We happen to be moving with a moderate SN kid, so choosing a school district becomes the focus of us lately. Usually the "top" school districts with good general funding and resources are also the ones with good special education resources and programs. However these school districts are also the ones where academic competitiveness is high (aka "pressure cooker", for the lack of better words), and could it be too much pressure on a SN kid?

Note: we are not specially refer to the DC metro area, where a lot of special education resources are at the county level. For the areas we are considering, special ed resources are mostly at the school district level.

Thanks for your inputs!

[Anonymous]

It is for my son, who is intellectual despite his special needs. It’s really been the best of both worlds: strong IEP teams in elementary, middle and high schools, and high academic expectations. He would never be where he is today were it not for teachers looking out for him but also holding him to high standards.

[Anonymous]

It truly depends on your child’s needs. MCPS is huge and has a lot of options. However, the downside is that if your child doesn’t fit into one of their programs, they will still stick them there and just try their best. In addition, it is very impersonal- the people making the placement decisions have often never met your child.

In a smaller district, it is probably more personal but they won’t have the same options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is for my son, who is intellectual despite his special needs. It’s really been the best of both worlds: strong IEP teams in elementary, middle and high schools, and high academic expectations. He would never be where he is today were it not for teachers looking out for him but also holding him to high standards.

OP here. DS has ASD + ADHD. Although he is intellectual (tested), but the ADHD does affect his ability to sit still and stay focused. As a result we are a little reluctant to go to a very "top" school district in (NY metro or Boston metro) as they are also known to be "pressure cooker". I guess it depends on the type of special needs? We feel that ADHD is probably one condition that could more or less affect academic performance so we are a bit worried.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It truly depends on your child’s needs. MCPS is huge and has a lot of options. However, the downside is that if your child doesn’t fit into one of their programs, they will still stick them there and just try their best. In addition, it is very impersonal- the people making the placement decisions have often never met your child.

In a smaller district, it is probably more personal but they won’t have the same options.

Thanks for the input. DS has mild to moderate ASD and ADHD. We are trying to decide if MCPS is the right place or not. Would NoVa or Howard county be better? We also have our eyes on Boston suburb (Lexington, Newton, etc) or NY/NJ (Westchester, Short Hills, etc).

[Anonymous]

I don't think you said how old your child is but I think self-confidence is a really important thing for a child with ADHD and other special needs to develop in childhood and if you don't have that you have an unhappy child who may struggle for the rest of their lives.

I think being in an environment where they feel good about themselves is really important. I can't tell you how many times parents with SN kids have talked to me about how alone their child feels in our high performing school. There are others but when everyone else is easily getting perfect grades while at the same time is excelling at sports or dance while your child is struggling to sit still it can really make them feel pretty bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is for my son, who is intellectual despite his special needs. It’s really been the best of both worlds: strong IEP teams in elementary, middle and high schools, and high academic expectations. He would never be where he is today were it not for teachers looking out for him but also holding him to high standards.

OP here. DS has ASD + ADHD. Although he is intellectual (tested), but the ADHD does affect his ability to sit still and stay focused. As a result we are a little reluctant to go to a very "top" school district in (NY metro or Boston metro) as they are also known to be "pressure cooker". I guess it depends on the type of special needs? We feel that ADHD is probably one condition that could more or less affect academic performance so we are a bit worried.

PP you replied to. DS has severe inattentive ADHD and mild HFA. We had to medicate him, and with accommodations, he went from failing to straight As and a renewed sense of self. Without meds plus double time and special attention from teachers, it wouldn't’ have been possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you said how old your child is but I think self-confidence is a really important thing for a child with ADHD and other special needs to develop in childhood and if you don't have that you have an unhappy child who may struggle for the rest of their lives.

I think being in an environment where they feel good about themselves is really important. I can't tell you how many times parents with SN kids have talked to me about how alone their child feels in our high performing school. There are others but when everyone else is easily getting perfect grades while at the same time is excelling at sports or dance while your child is struggling to sit still it can really make them feel pretty bad.

I agree. My two ADHD kids would not thrive in a “top” pressure cooker environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is for my son, who is intellectual despite his special needs. It’s really been the best of both worlds: strong IEP teams in elementary, middle and high schools, and high academic expectations. He would never be where he is today were it not for teachers looking out for him but also holding him to high standards.

OP here. DS has ASD + ADHD. Although he is intellectual (tested), but the ADHD does affect his ability to sit still and stay focused. As a result we are a little reluctant to go to a very "top" school district in (NY metro or Boston metro) as they are also known to be "pressure cooker". I guess it depends on the type of special needs? We feel that ADHD is probably one condition that could more or less affect academic performance so we are a bit worried.

PP you replied to. DS has severe inattentive ADHD and mild HFA. We had to medicate him, and with accommodations, he went from failing to straight As and a renewed sense of self. Without meds plus double time and special attention from teachers, it wouldn't’ have been possible.

Do you mind sharing a little bit about what school district you are in? Like MCPS or FCPS, or somewhere outside DC metro? Is there some good elementary schools (anywhere in the nation) you could suggest that are good with ADHD + mild/moderate ASD kid?

Also, could I know what kind of "accommodations" are important from school? Pull out therapy service? Or simply classroom teachers pay more attention to DS (which I think is kind of impossible given the 20+ class size in most public schools).

Thanks a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It truly depends on your child’s needs. MCPS is huge and has a lot of options. However, the downside is that if your child doesn’t fit into one of their programs, they will still stick them there and just try their best. In addition, it is very impersonal- the people making the placement decisions have often never met your child.

In a smaller district, it is probably more personal but they won’t have the same options.

Thanks for the input. DS has mild to moderate ASD and ADHD. We are trying to decide if MCPS is the right place or not. Would NoVa or Howard county be better? We also have our eyes on Boston suburb (Lexington, Newton, etc) or NY/NJ (Westchester, Short Hills, etc).

I am a graduate of Lexington public schools. They have tons of experience with SN. They were doing inclusion when I was in ES in the 1970's. They come highly recommended in the present too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It truly depends on your child’s needs. MCPS is huge and has a lot of options. However, the downside is that if your child doesn’t fit into one of their programs, they will still stick them there and just try their best. In addition, it is very impersonal- the people making the placement decisions have often never met your child.

In a smaller district, it is probably more personal but they won’t have the same options.

Thanks for the input. DS has mild to moderate ASD and ADHD. We are trying to decide if MCPS is the right place or not. Would NoVa or Howard county be better? We also have our eyes on Boston suburb (Lexington, Newton, etc) or NY/NJ (Westchester, Short Hills, etc).

I am a graduate of Lexington public schools. They have tons of experience with SN. They were doing inclusion when I was in ES in the 1970's. They come highly recommended in the present too.

Thanks a lot for the input. I did hear that Lexington has tons of experiences with SN, e.g., a very strong Autism program. In the meantime, Lexington is like THE top performing district in the already high-achieving Boston metro area, and it's known to be very competitive even for kids without special needs. I'm curious how that would work for a reasonably smart SN child with ADHD, who is not super self-confident and has a little bit of anxiety to start with?

[Anonymous]

I think the top school systems have more of the resources and experience to do SN well. I don’t think a school system that has trouble educationing NT students can do SNs well.

My DS with ASD/ADHD, combined type, attended a DC immersion charter and while they tried their best, it was subpar. The main issue being that while they gave us everything our neuropsych recommended in the IEP, the overall education in English and Math wasn’t great and DS was fully mainstreamed, got As and 5s in PARCC.

Now DS goes to a top mainstream private in MA after catching up and fixing holes in his English and Math when we were homeschooling for a year due to COVID.

I think you should go to the best school system possible. At least there you know the education is good. Why would you expect a school system that doesn’t do education well to be better with SNs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the top school systems have more of the resources and experience to do SN well. I don’t think a school system that has trouble educationing NT students can do SNs well.

My DS with ASD/ADHD, combined type, attended a DC immersion charter and while they tried their best, it was subpar. The main issue being that while they gave us everything our neuropsych recommended in the IEP, the overall education in English and Math wasn’t great and DS was fully mainstreamed, got As and 5s in PARCC.

Now DS goes to a top mainstream private in MA after catching up and fixing holes in his English and Math when we were homeschooling for a year due to COVID.

I think you should go to the best school system possible. At least there you know the education is good. Why would you expect a school system that doesn’t do education well to be better with SNs?

I agree with you that I'm definitely not considering "bad" or "subpar" school systems. I'm really trying to compare the good one (e.g., Bethesda or Potomac) with the very top one nationwide (Lexington MA, Scarsdale NY or Short Hills NJ). Would the very top ones be too competitive while the good one is the right balance for an ASD + ADHD kid? Any thought is appreciated.

Even more interestingly, you mentioned your DS is doing well in the mainstream private. Can I ask how did you manage that? My DS is currently in a small and warm mainstream private Pre-K class. He is very happy there, although is not gaining too much social skills. The reason we are thinking about leaving is because our developmental pd thinks the mainstream private classroom doesn't really know how to support an ASD + ADHD kid and thus recommends us to add an 1:1 aide for DS in school for a year or so to help improving DS's social skills and self-regulation skills, however the school is not very willing to accommodate the 1:1 aide. That's why we are considering public schools instead. Do you mind talk a little bit, in your opinion, what kind of mainstream private is good for ASD + ADHD kid? Of course maybe your DS is more high functioning than mine currently, so maybe we just need to get our DS some strong support for a year or two before sending him back to another mainstream private ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the top school systems have more of the resources and experience to do SN well. I don’t think a school system that has trouble educationing NT students can do SNs well.

My DS with ASD/ADHD, combined type, attended a DC immersion charter and while they tried their best, it was subpar. The main issue being that while they gave us everything our neuropsych recommended in the IEP, the overall education in English and Math wasn’t great and DS was fully mainstreamed, got As and 5s in PARCC.

Now DS goes to a top mainstream private in MA after catching up and fixing holes in his English and Math when we were homeschooling for a year due to COVID.

I think you should go to the best school system possible. At least there you know the education is good. Why would you expect a school system that doesn’t do education well to be better with SNs?

I agree with you that I'm definitely not considering "bad" or "subpar" school systems. I'm really trying to compare the good one (e.g., Bethesda or Potomac) with the very top one nationwide (Lexington MA, Scarsdale NY or Short Hills NJ). Would the very top ones be too competitive while the good one is the right balance for an ASD + ADHD kid? Any thought is appreciated.

Even more interestingly, you mentioned your DS is doing well in the mainstream private. Can I ask how did you manage that? My DS is currently in a small and warm mainstream private Pre-K class. He is very happy there, although is not gaining too much social skills. The reason we are thinking about leaving is because our developmental pd thinks the mainstream private classroom doesn't really know how to support an ASD + ADHD kid and thus recommends us to add an 1:1 aide for DS in school for a year or so to help improving DS's social skills and self-regulation skills, however the school is not very willing to accommodate the 1:1 aide. That's why we are considering public schools instead. Do you mind talk a little bit, in your opinion, what kind of mainstream private is good for ASD + ADHD kid? Of course maybe your DS is more high functioning than mine currently, so maybe we just need to get our DS some strong support for a year or two before sending him back to another mainstream private ...

My kid is in middle school. At this point he doesn’t need any services, meds or accommodations. DS was diagnosed with ASD/Asperger’s when he was four and ADHD, combined type when he was 7. He was fully mainstreamed with IEP prek-5 at a dual language immersion charter. At this point, I doubt he would get an ADHD diagnosis if he had another neuropsych eval: He has no academic issues, has excellent executive functioning and is a top student. Granted his ADHD was mostly hyperactive not impulsive or inattentive. DS gets along well with peers and has friends.

If your child is happy at his preschool, let him stay there. The one on one aid isn’t going to do much of anything with helping with social skills. I am presuming your child is fine with adults and the issue is with peers. Keep your kid at the school if he is happy!

I am not sure what mainstream private would be the best for your DS. While I complain about my kid’s immersion charter, they were great about providing supports and services through the IEP including OT, pragmatic speech, social skills classes, PT, etc. We only used school provided services except for a few months, 4?, of private OT. I am not sure if these services were helpful to be honest. The most helpful was DS having a wonderful, warm, nurturing SN teachers/case manager in some of those years and OT which taught DS to type on a laptop starting in 2nd grade. School OT also taught him to tie his shoes, buttons, zippers, utensils, etc.

As I said, the education in English especially in writing and Math was poor and DS was in the top reading and math groups throughout elementary school.

Since your DC is little, your main concern should be how much he likes his school and it sounds like he does. I would keep him there and not bother with the 1:1 aid unless the school thinks he needs one.

[Anonymous]

^oh, and of the areas you mentioned, I would pick Lexington, MA. MA is great for SNs probably the best out of all the areas you mention.