If you left a private school because of bullying or exclusion, what was the tipping point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can she be in a different class next year with different kids? If she is going to be with same kids for the duration I would switch too.

There are no other classes - it’s one class per grade.

[Anonymous]

I pulled my son out midyear in 6th when he started having panic attacks at the thought of going to school and had constant stomach aches dealing with really nasty behavior from a group of boys. The school was unresponsive and kept downplaying the issue. He's now at our local public and much happier. The smallness of the cohort was a real negative and was overrun by some negative personalities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she's miserable and your public option is a good one, I'd pull her now. 4th/5th grade is REALLY young to have such nastiness. I can't imagine how awful it may get as they grow.

+1 If the school is non-responsive or ineffectual, I think it's time. I would be really worried about sending a kid to middle after a couple/few years of bullying.

Plus 100.
It will NOT get better based on our experience. My daughter had a horrible 5th grade year, the small private school did not handle it well, things escalated in 6th and we are now leaving for a different school for next year. It has had a big negative impact on my daughter, being in a small group of deeply insecure and a couple of really mean girls.
You are the adult and you can see the bigger picture. Not all girls that age are that unkind. Help your daughter by finding a different larger environment for her. By changing things are giving her the message it is not okay to just stay and be treated like sh*t. Good life lesson that some people and some situations you need to walk away from.

Bravo to you for moving on. Curious what size school you went to and how things are working out.

[Anonymous]

OP - sorry this is an issue for your DC. I would ádrese it now even if you plan to live in. One of my DD has difficulty interacting with peers. She is a bit quirky, has some LD and at that age few insights into these issues. This was pre pandemic and I volunteered for a field trip to see what was happening. I could see where she did not read cues correctly,etc
This was less an issue of bullying, more an issue of no friends, though there were a lot of unkind comments.

We did some counseling and observed group interactions to help her navigate the new environment a little better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She can get bullied at public school for free. Pull her out.

IME bigger schools mean everyone can find their people and less bullying across the board.

+1. I begged my parents to pull me out of private and send me to the huge local public. Parents resisted because it was the best private in the region. But I not only found my people, I had some wonderful teachers and got into a great college.

[Anonymous]

7th and 8th were horrible for my daughter but 9th it all went away. it is something to consider because maybe all schools are rough those years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are leaving a school due to bullying (my child is finishing 5th grade now). The school downplayed the bullying for over a year, wasn't transparent with us last year when we requested that the kids not be together this year (they are), gave horrible and conflicting advice to the targets of the bully about how to handle, doesn't seem committed to stopping the bullying, and didn't counsel out the other student. They were able to mostly separate the kids for the rest of this school year, but they don't think they can for next year.

My child who loved going to school now hates it. I am just not willing to pay a significant amount of money for a school who didn't have my child's back.

Same here Pk-12. We put a time limit in place and will apply out this fall if bully dynamic in the grade continues. Or we get another weak homeroom teacher

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC was bullied around that age. I regret not pulling DC out sooner, although the pandemic certainly complicated matters. The cliques calcified over time at DC's school, with incoming kids either folding into existing groups (or not). Engagement and responsiveness of the school staff should be a critical part of your decision. If the school refuses to address and claims it's just the age (or whatever), there are likely many other behavioral issues being swept under the rug and the social situation is unlikely to improve.

Exactly this. Even with multiple classrooms per grade, the toxic kid still controls all.

One of the main reasons one school got rid of the same small clique doing PK and K together was due to how toxic the dynamic played out, particularly for girls, throughout the subsequent lower school grades.

[Anonymous]

If the school is so small that there is no way for your child to distance from mean girls, I would suggest visiting your public school and taking her out pronto. Especially great would be to her drive the process and hope that she wants to leave. My daughter was in that situation starting the end of 5th and through 6th. To her credit, she put her foot down and said she wouldn’t return for 7th. We visited the local public - which was huge compared to her teeny tiny school - and it was a breath of fresh air. The educational experience was excellent, there were plenty of well-adjusted kids, and by discovering she could make good decisions and be strong and happy in a big school, she regained her confidence. Have we looked back? Not at all - or at least not the decision to pull her out of that humiliating situation.

[Anonymous]

Your child should not have to “survive” school. She doesn’t not live in Ukraine. She ought to be thriving. No reason to let her suffer.

[Anonymous]

I have a boy in mid-elementary in a new school that has gone through a lot of bullying this year. There are a few kids in the class with serious behavioral issues that have not been addressed for years. My kid who previously loved school and had no behavioral issues now has started bullying (to survive) and misbehaving (it's become normal in the classroom) and is now seeing a therapist. We are looking at new school options and will pull him out after this year. We have talked to other private schools about taking a late application.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the school is so small that there is no way for your child to distance from mean girls, I would suggest visiting your public school and taking her out pronto. Especially great would be to her drive the process and hope that she wants to leave. My daughter was in that situation starting the end of 5th and through 6th. To her credit, she put her foot down and said she wouldn’t return for 7th. We visited the local public - which was huge compared to her teeny tiny school - and it was a breath of fresh air. The educational experience was excellent, there were plenty of well-adjusted kids, and by discovering she could make good decisions and be strong and happy in a big school, she regained her confidence. Have we looked back? Not at all - or at least not the decision to pull her out of that humiliating situation.

I would agree with this. My kids are in catholic and I’m a big proponent of the schools, but I can see the difference one or two unpleasant kids can make in a small class, especially at a school with only one class per grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a boy in mid-elementary in a new school that has gone through a lot of bullying this year. There are a few kids in the class with serious behavioral issues that have not been addressed for years. My kid who previously loved school and had no behavioral issues now has started bullying (to survive) and misbehaving (it's become normal in the classroom) and is now seeing a therapist. We are looking at new school options and will pull him out after this year. We have talked to other private schools about taking a late application.

Consider your public school too. Too often, I think parents, especially on this Board, will hop to another private if dealing with bullying/ostracizing. Sometimes your public school is better about bullying and inclusiveness issues. For example at our private, the girls are very materialistic, heavily into all types of social media and over sexualized. In comparison, my DD's former peer group from our public school is not at all into this stuff. I'm not saying in the entire public middle school, this isn't an issue - I'm sure it is. But the benefit in public is if it's big enough (which most are), you can find people like yourself so you have options. Small privates especially don't give you this opportunity.

[Anonymous]

Tipping point was the bullying plus subpar teaching and academics.

[Anonymous]

Which schools have people been unhappy with bullying? I'm tying to figure out if it's an individual school problem or a more global private school program