If you left a private school because of bullying or exclusion, what was the tipping point?

[Anonymous]

Dealing with some issues at a small religious school. Kid says she can “survive” another year but I’m ready to pull her out. There’s no physical bullying but dealing with a small group of really insecure and insensitive girls who go out of the way to to be especially cruel to my daughter and one another. They are 10.

[Anonymous]

If she's miserable and your public option is a good one, I'd pull her now. 4th/5th grade is REALLY young to have such nastiness. I can't imagine how awful it may get as they grow.

[Anonymous]

We are leaving a school due to bullying (my child is finishing 5th grade now). The school downplayed the bullying for over a year, wasn't transparent with us last year when we requested that the kids not be together this year (they are), gave horrible and conflicting advice to the targets of the bully about how to handle, doesn't seem committed to stopping the bullying, and didn't counsel out the other student. They were able to mostly separate the kids for the rest of this school year, but they don't think they can for next year.

My child who loved going to school now hates it. I am just not willing to pay a significant amount of money for a school who didn't have my child's back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she's miserable and your public option is a good one, I'd pull her now. 4th/5th grade is REALLY young to have such nastiness. I can't imagine how awful it may get as they grow.

+1 If the school is non-responsive or ineffectual, I think it's time. I would be really worried about sending a kid to middle after a couple/few years of bullying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she's miserable and your public option is a good one, I'd pull her now. 4th/5th grade is REALLY young to have such nastiness. I can't imagine how awful it may get as they grow.

I agree with pulling her if there's a better option. I just wanted to say that when I was a kid in Catholic school, 3rd and 4th were the absolute worst years. By 6th it was better and 7-8 were fine. But I had all kinds of lasting issues and try to let people know that pre-tween bullying is real. It's not always middle school.

[Anonymous]

We left in middle school. We could see there was a group of kids who were actually quite terrible around 5th grade, but some situations that happened in middle school were downright evil. We make people's jaws drop when we explain what went on and how the school handled it.

My kid wanted to "survive it" until the small class grew a bit in high school. The school was too mediocre academically to put up with a nasty climate.

[Anonymous]

She can get bullied at public school for free. Pull her out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She can get bullied at public school for free. Pull her out.

IME bigger schools mean everyone can find their people and less bullying across the board.

[Anonymous]

I would pull her out at the door and of this year OP. It doesn't get better, as I know from experience! The girls are Hocking for position now which will carry through high school, at a small school.

She will find her people, make more friends, and be able to explore more interests in a public.

[Anonymous]

Hocking = jockeying

[Anonymous]

My DC was bullied around that age. I regret not pulling DC out sooner, although the pandemic certainly complicated matters. The cliques calcified over time at DC's school, with incoming kids either folding into existing groups (or not). Engagement and responsiveness of the school staff should be a critical part of your decision. If the school refuses to address and claims it's just the age (or whatever), there are likely many other behavioral issues being swept under the rug and the social situation is unlikely to improve.

[Anonymous]

Either pull her out or teach how to handle it. Never advocate violence but defense is always approved. This is how we explained it to our previous school and the parents of the bully. Suddenly, everything stopped like magic....

[Anonymous]

Can she be in a different class next year with different kids? If she is going to be with same kids for the duration I would switch too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she's miserable and your public option is a good one, I'd pull her now. 4th/5th grade is REALLY young to have such nastiness. I can't imagine how awful it may get as they grow.

+1 If the school is non-responsive or ineffectual, I think it's time. I would be really worried about sending a kid to middle after a couple/few years of bullying.

Plus 100.
It will NOT get better based on our experience. My daughter had a horrible 5th grade year, the small private school did not handle it well, things escalated in 6th and we are now leaving for a different school for next year. It has had a big negative impact on my daughter, being in a small group of deeply insecure and a couple of really mean girls.
You are the adult and you can see the bigger picture. Not all girls that age are that unkind. Help your daughter by finding a different larger environment for her. By changing things are giving her the message it is not okay to just stay and be treated like sh*t. Good life lesson that some people and some situations you need to walk away from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Either pull her out or teach how to handle it. Never advocate violence but defense is always approved. This is how we explained it to our previous school and the parents of the bully. Suddenly, everything stopped like magic....

That is hard with the girl meanness which is not physical and can be very manipulative. It's also a bit too much to ask of a 9/10 year old girl to put up with the nasty behavior day after day without adult intervention and then keep her in that school if you have any other option. I'd move if I needed to.