Processing that spouse is leaving

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m going through this. I won’t lie to you, it’s very hard. You will need the support of friends and family. A good therapist also helps. Give yourself permission to cry and fall apart sometimes. There is tremendous grief. It’s like a death.

Same. It’s awful. I’m sorry.

Yup me too. For me it feels even worse than a death. Or, the death of everything I hold dear and have worked for. An actual death would bring a sense of closure that I'm not sure I will ever have. Take care, OP. Hugs.

Agreed- death comes for all of us but a cruel and calloused divorce is a unique and special hell. I’m so sorry OP. Been there four years ago. I wanted to die. I don’t want to die anymore- but it was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m going through this. I won’t lie to you, it’s very hard. You will need the support of friends and family. A good therapist also helps. Give yourself permission to cry and fall apart sometimes. There is tremendous grief. It’s like a death.

Same. It’s awful. I’m sorry.

Yup me too. For me it feels even worse than a death. Or, the death of everything I hold dear and have worked for. An actual death would bring a sense of closure that I'm not sure I will ever have. Take care, OP. Hugs.

Agreed- death comes for all of us but a cruel and calloused divorce is a unique and special hell. I’m so sorry OP. Been there four years ago. I wanted to die. I don’t want to die anymore- but it was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through

What happened to you?

[Anonymous]

I didn't know when my now ex-husband was leaving either. He gave me a date, but then he started packing one morning and just left. I was gone awhile, long enough for him to get his ish together and go. He called a few days later. There's no right or easy way to handle your spouse leaving. Just don't grab him by the ankles and beg him to stay. You'll surely regret it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m going through this. I won’t lie to you, it’s very hard. You will need the support of friends and family. A good therapist also helps. Give yourself permission to cry and fall apart sometimes. There is tremendous grief. It’s like a death.

It depends on the person. I had no sadness divorcing. For me, divorce was not hard at all—marriage was.

[Anonymous]

I was that guy who left in the morning with the kids. Had a new place rented and had already moved as much stuff over to as I could without arousing suspicion. Then we go up ver early and started packing a moving van. All considered, it was the best way to do it. She knew it was coming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend’s (now) ex-DH took their newborn when they got into an argument and turned off his phone, so she could locate him or the baby. She was absolutely hysterical. She was texting nonstop, pleading with him to at least come home so she could nurse the child. I have no idea what possessed him to do something so cruel, but taking a newborn from their mother (who is their only source of food at this point) is truly awful.

That could be construed as kidnapping and she could have filed charges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend’s (now) ex-DH took their newborn when they got into an argument and turned off his phone, so she could locate him or the baby. She was absolutely hysterical. She was texting nonstop, pleading with him to at least come home so she could nurse the child. I have no idea what possessed him to do something so cruel, but taking a newborn from their mother (who is their only source of food at this point) is truly awful.

That could be construed as kidnapping and she could have filed charges.

No, it's not kidnapping. It's moving out and taking your child with you. A nursing baby is an extreme case for sure but women leave with the children all the time. I'm the PP of the post above is it only kidnapping when a man does it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend’s (now) ex-DH took their newborn when they got into an argument and turned off his phone, so she could locate him or the baby. She was absolutely hysterical. She was texting nonstop, pleading with him to at least come home so she could nurse the child. I have no idea what possessed him to do something so cruel, but taking a newborn from their mother (who is their only source of food at this point) is truly awful.

That could be construed as kidnapping and she could have filed charges.

No, it's not kidnapping. It's moving out and taking your child with you. A nursing baby is an extreme case for sure but women leave with the children all the time. I'm the PP of the post above is it only kidnapping when a man does it?

Agree that it's not kidnapping, but there's a special place in hell for anyone who uses their children as pawns like this. No parent should be blindsided and wake up/come home to their kids being gone. Everyone should be on the same page. Adults who act like this - barring domestic violence and true safety issues - are absolute trash.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend’s (now) ex-DH took their newborn when they got into an argument and turned off his phone, so she could locate him or the baby. She was absolutely hysterical. She was texting nonstop, pleading with him to at least come home so she could nurse the child. I have no idea what possessed him to do something so cruel, but taking a newborn from their mother (who is their only source of food at this point) is truly awful.

That could be construed as kidnapping and she could have filed charges.

Either parent can take their kids anywhere without the permission of the other unless there is an order (e.g., custody order) that says otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend’s (now) ex-DH took their newborn when they got into an argument and turned off his phone, so she could locate him or the baby. She was absolutely hysterical. She was texting nonstop, pleading with him to at least come home so she could nurse the child. I have no idea what possessed him to do something so cruel, but taking a newborn from their mother (who is their only source of food at this point) is truly awful.

That could be construed as kidnapping and she could have filed charges.

No, it's not kidnapping. It's moving out and taking your child with you. A nursing baby is an extreme case for sure but women leave with the children all the time. I'm the PP of the post above is it only kidnapping when a man does it?

Agree that it's not kidnapping, but there's a special place in hell for anyone who uses their children as pawns like this. No parent should be blindsided and wake up/come home to their kids being gone. Everyone should be on the same page. Adults who act like this - barring domestic violence and true safety issues - are absolute trash.

When there is abuse, whether from a husband or wife, taking the kids with you is sometimes the best option. Wife could have been neglecting young kids while carrying on an affair in the house, she could have been an alcoholic, etc. these are legitimate reasons people take the kids and move out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend’s (now) ex-DH took their newborn when they got into an argument and turned off his phone, so she could locate him or the baby. She was absolutely hysterical. She was texting nonstop, pleading with him to at least come home so she could nurse the child. I have no idea what possessed him to do something so cruel, but taking a newborn from their mother (who is their only source of food at this point) is truly awful.

That could be construed as kidnapping and she could have filed charges.

No, it's not kidnapping. It's moving out and taking your child with you. A nursing baby is an extreme case for sure but women leave with the children all the time. I'm the PP of the post above is it only kidnapping when a man does it?

Agree that it's not kidnapping, but there's a special place in hell for anyone who uses their children as pawns like this. No parent should be blindsided and wake up/come home to their kids being gone. Everyone should be on the same page. Adults who act like this - barring domestic violence and true safety issues - are absolute trash.

When there is abuse, whether from a husband or wife, taking the kids with you is sometimes the best option. Wife could have been neglecting young kids while carrying on an affair in the house, she could have been an alcoholic, etc. these are legitimate reasons people take the kids and move out.

As already noted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend’s (now) ex-DH took their newborn when they got into an argument and turned off his phone, so she could locate him or the baby. She was absolutely hysterical. She was texting nonstop, pleading with him to at least come home so she could nurse the child. I have no idea what possessed him to do something so cruel, but taking a newborn from their mother (who is their only source of food at this point) is truly awful.

That could be construed as kidnapping and she could have filed charges.

No, it's not kidnapping. It's moving out and taking your child with you. A nursing baby is an extreme case for sure but women leave with the children all the time. I'm the PP of the post above is it only kidnapping when a man does it?

Agree that it's not kidnapping, but there's a special place in hell for anyone who uses their children as pawns like this. No parent should be blindsided and wake up/come home to their kids being gone. Everyone should be on the same page. Adults who act like this - barring domestic violence and true safety issues - are absolute trash.

Ideally, children will never be used as pawns (or weapons, more accurately) in divorce, and parents can just shut off their emotions toward the ex-spouse.

In reality, children are used as weapons in most divorces.

I agree with the others who have advised you to lawyer up. And yes - this is going to cost you severely, in terms of $$ and emotionally. It will be devastating for your child too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend’s (now) ex-DH took their newborn when they got into an argument and turned off his phone, so she could locate him or the baby. She was absolutely hysterical. She was texting nonstop, pleading with him to at least come home so she could nurse the child. I have no idea what possessed him to do something so cruel, but taking a newborn from their mother (who is their only source of food at this point) is truly awful.

That could be construed as kidnapping and she could have filed charges.

No, it's not kidnapping. It's moving out and taking your child with you. A nursing baby is an extreme case for sure but women leave with the children all the time. I'm the PP of the post above is it only kidnapping when a man does it?

Agree that it's not kidnapping, but there's a special place in hell for anyone who uses their children as pawns like this. No parent should be blindsided and wake up/come home to their kids being gone. Everyone should be on the same page. Adults who act like this - barring domestic violence and true safety issues - are absolute trash.

"like this?". You have no idea what my situation was and your opinion and accusations mean nothing. A d you're very wrong. Being blindsided was the best option to avoid a lot of turmoil. We weren't ever going to be on the same page about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was that guy who left in the morning with the kids. Had a new place rented and had already moved as much stuff over to as I could without arousing suspicion. Then we go up ver early and started packing a moving van. All considered, it was the best way to do it. She knew it was coming.

Why did you take the kids?