Tell me how teens went off the rails

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boredom. Affluence. Secularism.

A deadly combination that is far too pervasive in this area.

I'm sorry, a lack of Jesus-squeezing isn't the answer.

Religion in general. Your response is equally bigoted and stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny, I went off the rails but never used drugs and wasn't promiscuous. I just cut class so much that I got kicked out of my high school, and quit part time jobs for no real reasons of substance, and was super depressed. Barely graduated from high school, then promptly failed out of college, then went to a different one and took double the time it should have to get a degree.

PP, how are you doing nowadays?

[Anonymous]

Hormones, I guess? My daughter didn't do any major damage, but she was a hot mess in 9-11 grades. Skipping school, not turning in work, lying re: whereabouts. Then covid happened and she spent a year and a half at home. At some point during this time things became normal. She is in college now and still doesn't know what got into her head. Clearly, the college style studying is better suited to her preferences, but there had to be something else to cause that temporary insanity.

[Anonymous]

Funny you mention promiscuity OP, and associate it with going off the rails.

But you might be surprised the straight A kids also have hormones.

Top student in my prep school was from a very strict Korean family; seemed very straight laced. Found out years later she had a voracious sexual appetite and even hooked up with a guy on the tennis court at night. On a completely unrelated note, she later became a highly respected MD, but died of breast cancer around age 30.

The GT program CTY (through JHU) is strict, but has often been the place of first sexual experiences for brilliant kids.

[Anonymous]

An only child and both my parents were completely absent both emotionally and physically. I believe the emotional absence had the biggest negative impact on me. Thus, I make a point to be very involved with my teen kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny, I went off the rails but never used drugs and wasn't promiscuous. I just cut class so much that I got kicked out of my high school, and quit part time jobs for no real reasons of substance, and was super depressed. Barely graduated from high school, then promptly failed out of college, then went to a different one and took double the time it should have to get a degree.

Do you have ADHD? I was similar finally got diagnosed changed a lot of things

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let’s share stories so we can learn lessons and be better parents to our own kids. I myself had a tortured adolescence and would love to prevent the same thing from happening to my own kids, to the extent I can.

What led to drugs, immoral behavior, and promiscuity for me?

- depression around 14-15 years of age probably associated with hormonal changes
- poor relationship with parents from 7-8th grade. My parents just genuinely didn’t like me and I picked up on it. My mother started working a lot near this age and was more absent.
- older siblings who got me to experiment with and exposed me to drugs, though i perpetuated this behavior on my own for years afterwards
- lack of any real “passions” in terms of sports, extracurricular stuff, etc.
- sensitivity to some “mean girl/mean boy” events that were directed at me in 9th grade

What do you mean by “immoral behavior”?

[Anonymous]

My parents were screwed up and had no time for me. My brother sexually abused me but I couldn’t tell them. I found some great friends in the drama club who accepted me despite or perhaps because of my crazy parents. We skipped classes sometimes and drank a lot, which many of you would consider off the rails. But we took care of each other. We were safe. We were a family like my family never was.

My real screwup was how attached I became yo a high school boyfriend and how we let other people convince us that we needed to break up in college to give each other space after 4 years together. The space broke my heart, made me doubt my closest friend, destabilized everything. I missed that security and safety so much that I turned to drinking and promiscuity. Looking for love in all the wrong places. I was raped while passed out, discovered I was pregnant, and after terminating the pregnancy, continued to self medicate with men and alcohol.

I became a perfectionist who needed lots of external validation: straight A’s at college, prestigious fellowships. I tortured myself a lot and procrastinated a lot because I didn’t want to do anything flawed. I needed a gold star or Phi Beta Kappa to make myself feel worthy. No one ever said I was deserving of love and attention just as I was.
I’m pretty liberal when it comes to things like teen drinking. It wasn’t the drinking that got me in trouble: it was not having a support system. Not having trusted adults in whom I could depend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s share stories so we can learn lessons and be better parents to our own kids. I myself had a tortured adolescence and would love to prevent the same thing from happening to my own kids, to the extent I can.

What led to drugs, immoral behavior, and promiscuity for me?

- depression around 14-15 years of age probably associated with hormonal changes
- poor relationship with parents from 7-8th grade. My parents just genuinely didn’t like me and I picked up on it. My mother started working a lot near this age and was more absent.
- older siblings who got me to experiment with and exposed me to drugs, though i perpetuated this behavior on my own for years afterwards
- lack of any real “passions” in terms of sports, extracurricular stuff, etc.
- sensitivity to some “mean girl/mean boy” events that were directed at me in 9th grade

What do you mean by “immoral behavior”?

Mostly cheating on my boyfriends. Lying. I feel very guilty about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:going off the rails because of depression isn't going off the rails. it is a disease.

This. Medicate to help your kid before they find ways to medicate themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents were screwed up and had no time for me. My brother sexually abused me but I couldn’t tell them. I found some great friends in the drama club who accepted me despite or perhaps because of my crazy parents. We skipped classes sometimes and drank a lot, which many of you would consider off the rails. But we took care of each other. We were safe. We were a family like my family never was.

My real screwup was how attached I became yo a high school boyfriend and how we let other people convince us that we needed to break up in college to give each other space after 4 years together. The space broke my heart, made me doubt my closest friend, destabilized everything. I missed that security and safety so much that I turned to drinking and promiscuity. Looking for love in all the wrong places. I was raped while passed out, discovered I was pregnant, and after terminating the pregnancy, continued to self medicate with men and alcohol.

I became a perfectionist who needed lots of external validation: straight A’s at college, prestigious fellowships. I tortured myself a lot and procrastinated a lot because I didn’t want to do anything flawed. I needed a gold star or Phi Beta Kappa to make myself feel worthy. No one ever said I was deserving of love and attention just as I was.
I’m pretty liberal when it comes to things like teen drinking. It wasn’t the drinking that got me in trouble: it was not having a support system. Not having trusted adults in whom I could depend.

Wow. I'm so sorry- what a struggle. Glad to hear that you pulled through and it sounds like you got help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s share stories so we can learn lessons and be better parents to our own kids. I myself had a tortured adolescence and would love to prevent the same thing from happening to my own kids, to the extent I can.

What led to drugs, immoral behavior, and promiscuity for me?

- depression around 14-15 years of age probably associated with hormonal changes
- poor relationship with parents from 7-8th grade. My parents just genuinely didn’t like me and I picked up on it. My mother started working a lot near this age and was more absent.
- older siblings who got me to experiment with and exposed me to drugs, though i perpetuated this behavior on my own for years afterwards
- lack of any real “passions” in terms of sports, extracurricular stuff, etc.
- sensitivity to some “mean girl/mean boy” events that were directed at me in 9th grade

What do you mean by “immoral behavior”?

Mostly cheating on my boyfriends. Lying. I feel very guilty about it.

Calling something immoral actually falls short of the problem, IMO. I think you have to say you were very hurtful to other people- and how can you make sure you raise kids who aren't hurtful to the ones they love? The goal is to make them strong, empathetic people who make choices based upon both their own needs and concern for others.

[Anonymous]

I went off the rails around 15/16 when my parents got divorced. I started drinking then and drank excessively until a few years ago. My parents were both very much enmeshed in their new relationships, and I was left alone a lot. I slept around for some validation and am shocked I never got pregnant, murdered by some random man I went home with, or died in a drunk driving accident. Thankfully I survived, did well in college/grad school, and finally got my drinking under control. I also finally got treatment for my anxiety and depression which made a huge difference in my quality of life. I'm very open with my teenage son about my struggles and am trying to keep communication open with him. He also has a good psychiatrist and is on medication for his anxiety. I felt very alone and scared at his age and wish that my parents had found some help for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boredom. Affluence. Secularism.

A deadly combination that is far too pervasive in this area.

oh please. Some conservative Christians are the worse when it comes to "going off the rails."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s share stories so we can learn lessons and be better parents to our own kids. I myself had a tortured adolescence and would love to prevent the same thing from happening to my own kids, to the extent I can.

What led to drugs, immoral behavior, and promiscuity for me?

- depression around 14-15 years of age probably associated with hormonal changes
- poor relationship with parents from 7-8th grade. My parents just genuinely didn’t like me and I picked up on it. My mother started working a lot near this age and was more absent.
- older siblings who got me to experiment with and exposed me to drugs, though i perpetuated this behavior on my own for years afterwards
- lack of any real “passions” in terms of sports, extracurricular stuff, etc.
- sensitivity to some “mean girl/mean boy” events that were directed at me in 9th grade

What do you mean by “immoral behavior”?

Mostly cheating on my boyfriends. Lying. I feel very guilty about it.

Calling something immoral actually falls short of the problem, IMO. I think you have to say you were very hurtful to other people- and how can you make sure you raise kids who aren't hurtful to the ones they love? The goal is to make them strong, empathetic people who make choices based upon both their own needs and concern for others.

Thanks, I found this to be helpful.