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[quote=Anonymous]My parents were screwed up and had no time for me.  My brother sexually abused me but I couldn’t tell them.  I found some great friends in the drama club who accepted me despite or perhaps because of my crazy parents.  We skipped classes sometimes and drank a lot, which many of you would consider off the rails.  But we took care of each other.  We were safe.  We were a family like my family never was.

My real screwup was how attached I became yo a high school boyfriend and how we let other people convince us that we needed to break up in college to give each other space after 4 years together.  The space broke my heart, made me doubt my closest friend, destabilized everything.  I missed that security and safety so much that I turned to drinking and promiscuity.  Looking for love in all the wrong places.  I was raped while passed out, discovered I was pregnant, and after terminating the pregnancy, continued to self medicate with men and alcohol.

I became a perfectionist who needed lots of external validation: straight A’s at college, prestigious fellowships.  I tortured myself a lot and procrastinated a lot because I didn’t want to do anything flawed.  I needed a gold star or Phi Beta Kappa to make myself feel worthy.  No one ever said I was deserving of love and attention just as I was.
I’m pretty liberal when it comes to things like teen drinking.  It wasn’t the drinking that got me in trouble: it was not having a support system.  Not having trusted adults in whom I could depend.  
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