My spouse only gives our 6 year old unhealthy foods

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you feed her healthy food 90% of the time, the 10% junk isn’t going to hurt her. And don’t let her eat school lunch if you’re concerned about junk because that stuff is horrible. Who cares if it comes back with her, just serve it to her for dinner or an after school snack. She may just not be hungry around lunch time.

OP here. If my child ate 90% of healthy food, I would be in heaven. The problem is, she is a very picky eater. I would be fine giving her some junk food every day if she ate meat, fish, vegetables etc.. But she won't touch fish, vegetables ( except cucumbers, tomatoes), barely any fruits, no soups. So I feel like she eats 30% of healthy food and the rest between school and my spouse feeding her is junk. That's why I have a huge problem with that. A few months before, she actually drank some home made smoothies- which I was delighted about, but now she won't touch it. I make my home made pizza and she would eat some of it, but recently she said that my pizza is awful and she prefers pizza served at school. My child also won't eat any cheese ( with exception melted on pizza), so I cannot even give her any good quality cheese.

I think there’s a lot of room between chips and fish with vegetables. She’s at a very picky age. I’d be so happy if my kid was willing to eat school lunch because she eats a very limited diet though she eats a lot of healthy food she also eats a lot of sugar. Just try to find some middle ground, like home made muffins with some whole wheat flour or stoneyfield smoothies stuff like that so it’s not all junk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you feed her healthy food 90% of the time, the 10% junk isn’t going to hurt her. And don’t let her eat school lunch if you’re concerned about junk because that stuff is horrible. Who cares if it comes back with her, just serve it to her for dinner or an after school snack. She may just not be hungry around lunch time.

OP here. If my child ate 90% of healthy food, I would be in heaven. The problem is, she is a very picky eater. I would be fine giving her some junk food every day if she ate meat, fish, vegetables etc.. But she won't touch fish, vegetables ( except cucumbers, tomatoes), barely any fruits, no soups. So I feel like she eats 30% of healthy food and the rest between school and my spouse feeding her is junk. That's why I have a huge problem with that. A few months before, she actually drank some home made smoothies- which I was delighted about, but now she won't touch it. I make my home made pizza and she would eat some of it, but recently she said that my pizza is awful and she prefers pizza served at school. My child also won't eat any cheese ( with exception melted on pizza), so I cannot even give her any good quality cheese.

Just do the best you can, keep presenting the healthy foods whenever possible. Not letting her eat school lunch will cut back on one opportunity for unhealthy food. If she gets hungry enough she’ll eat what you send. Keep presenting items even if she won’t eat them, eventually she might try them and even like them. You can also try presenting them in fun ways or having her help make dinner with you. Often times when kids can pick out and help make foods they’re more likely to eat them. Maybe take her to farmers market and have her pick out some new things and you prepare them together. Keep at it though, try not to get too frustrated with the situation

[Anonymous]

I agree with the other posters. If you back way off on what you want the kid to eat and just feed them, they will start to expand their palates. Perhaps your child likes the bonding experience of a McDonalds meal out with their other parent. Perhaps it’s fun to get an ice cream cone after a hot day riding bikes. If you back off pushing the healthy stuff and enjoy the family meals together, without commenting on their food choices, they very likely will start eating a wider range of foods.

My 7 year old all of a sudden one day decided spinach was his favorite vegetable. Why? Popeye. Now I serve spinach in some form 2-3 times a week and he loves it. I didn’t say, “eat spinach”. He came to the grocery store with me and asked what “those green leaves” were and said, oh! Popeye eats that. Can we have that for dinner this week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I have a similar dynamic with my husband. It isn't all junk food but he has a per-choice restrictive diet and always eats differently than us.

All my kids ate well as babies but as soon as they realized they could have whatever they wanted for dinner---like daddy---it has been a constant battle to not eat waffles and french fries everyday. He never tells them to eat what is on their plates and will make them what they want. We have had numerous conversations on it. He says they will go hungry if he doesn't do what he is doing. I counter that of course they want comfort foods over vegetables. It is honestly the only point of contention in our marriage.

The only thing that has worked is just talking to them as they get older about being healthy and fit. Things have improved, but it is still not great.

If you have any successes please come back and let me know.

OP here. I hope that when my 6 year old is somewhat older, I can reason with her regarding healthy foods. Right now, at her age, she can't comprehend the importance of eating healthy. We don't go to fast food places, neither do we order foods, but my spouse sometimes takes her to Burger King or MacDonald's. Like I mentioned earlier, I don't buy junk food ( no sodas, no cheap juices, no chips etc.), but then my spouse sneaks to the grocery store and fills in with the junk food that he likes to eat.

My 6 year old absolutely understands the importance of healthy eating. We talk about the role of nutrients, protein, healthy fat, and fun treats. She knows food is fuel and her body needs healthy food to keep growing big and strong. She’s 6, not 3. Stop babying her and explain WHY you want her to eat healthy foods and how to make good choices (which include treats).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you feed her healthy food 90% of the time, the 10% junk isn’t going to hurt her. And don’t let her eat school lunch if you’re concerned about junk because that stuff is horrible. Who cares if it comes back with her, just serve it to her for dinner or an after school snack. She may just not be hungry around lunch time.

It is free. Even she takes a packed lunch, she will still get the crap lunch if she waits in line and asks for it. Same with the crap “breakfast” public school now makes available for free to everyone. Awesome more junk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse doesn't understand a concept of eating healthy. His parents and siblings are heavy weight, they eat standard American food. I bake, cook lots of meals at home made from scratch, but my spouse/our 6 year old don't appreciate that at all. I spend money on quality, grass fed, organic foods ( most of the time). All my 6 year old wants is to have mac&cheese everyday, no vegetables, and barely any fruits. Our 6 year old was born small and is very small for her age. She goes to kindergarten to public school and they get free lunches, which are typically junk food ( lots of pizzas, cheap pastas, pretzel, french fries). My kid then comes home and compares my home made soups, breads etc. to the cafeteria food and says that all the food I cook is "yucky". My spouse thinks that it is OK to feed the child junky cereal, ice cream etc. all day long. I'm at my wits end. Yesterday and today I quit cooking and fixing meal for my spouse and my 6 year old. My spouse is feeding her whatever she wants, I just don't care anymore. Do any of you have this problem?

You need to back off. Your spouse is chafing at your need to control the food that comes in the house.

Work with what your spouse is doing. He'll come around, I promise. It will take some time. Your DD wants mac and cheese? Fine - serve it with the veggie and fruit she likes. Same with the bad cereal - fry/scramble/boil an egg and add a piece of turkey bacon or chicken sausage. Ask your spouse to support you at dinner (what you cook and serve is what's for dinner, no complaining, she can eat how much she wants, and no subs).

Buy some junky grocery store food. My kids love Cheez Its - but they also love any fruit, beans, and most veggies. There is a lot of runway between your way and your DH's way - your daughter is picking up on that.

[Anonymous]

https://virginiasolesmith.substack.com/p/please-stop-romanticizing-your-childs?s=r

“But our kids will have a healthier relationship with food in general if we empower them to eat this meal without our micromanagement. Releasing some of this control can be a way to let our kids know we trust them; to encourage their curiosity; to enable more community building in cafeterias, instead of dividing kids up into those with lunchboxes and those without. This could be how we turn school meals into something different, and better. And probably, still containing Graham Cracker Sticks.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you feed her healthy food 90% of the time, the 10% junk isn’t going to hurt her. And don’t let her eat school lunch if you’re concerned about junk because that stuff is horrible. Who cares if it comes back with her, just serve it to her for dinner or an after school snack. She may just not be hungry around lunch time.

It is free. Even she takes a packed lunch, she will still get the crap lunch if she waits in line and asks for it. Same with the crap “breakfast” public school now makes available for free to everyone. Awesome more junk

You clearly have a very toxic relationship with food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you feed her healthy food 90% of the time, the 10% junk isn’t going to hurt her. And don’t let her eat school lunch if you’re concerned about junk because that stuff is horrible. Who cares if it comes back with her, just serve it to her for dinner or an after school snack. She may just not be hungry around lunch time.

It is free. Even she takes a packed lunch, she will still get the crap lunch if she waits in line and asks for it. Same with the crap “breakfast” public school now makes available for free to everyone. Awesome more junk

Not that the junk school lunches are the worst thing in the world...but just pack something way better. Not hard to beat the school lunches (at least at my kids’ school)- their friends beg them to share! Ask her what she would like in her lunch, her ideas, or even “what do your friends bring?” (I’ve gotten some good ideas). Also switching it up and keeping some novelty really helps as well. Nothing fancy- just different fruits than usual, and interesting not too junky packaged snack you see at the store etc. for a treat. There are some great options out there that are superior to school lunches and appealing to kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse doesn't understand a concept of eating healthy. His parents and siblings are heavy weight, they eat standard American food. I bake, cook lots of meals at home made from scratch, but my spouse/our 6 year old don't appreciate that at all. I spend money on quality, grass fed, organic foods ( most of the time). All my 6 year old wants is to have mac&cheese everyday, no vegetables, and barely any fruits. Our 6 year old was born small and is very small for her age. She goes to kindergarten to public school and they get free lunches, which are typically junk food ( lots of pizzas, cheap pastas, pretzel, french fries). My kid then comes home and compares my home made soups, breads etc. to the cafeteria food and says that all the food I cook is "yucky". My spouse thinks that it is OK to feed the child junky cereal, ice cream etc. all day long. I'm at my wits end. Yesterday and today I quit cooking and fixing meal for my spouse and my 6 year old. My spouse is feeding her whatever she wants, I just don't care anymore. Do any of you have this problem?

Health and safety of the children first.

He is lazy and cutting corners. It’s easy on him, to give additive, processed garbage food to your young kids. Kids love it and bad habits emerge quickly - like whining for more garbage food, not eating healthy foods, expecting garbage food, etc.

Obese children are unhealthy and often inactive, and it is 100% the parents fault. Apples, lentils, eggs, bananas, are not terrible expensive. And only do water.

Just do not keep garbage food in the house. Your spouse needs to grow up and parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids don’t become unhealthy from bad food, they become unhealthy from a bad relationship with food. Keep providing access to good stuff and stop sweating it when they eat stuff that you personally don’t prefer them to eat. remember that family time and enjoyment are the other benefit of meals - not just the nutrition.

The less I try to push my kids to certain foods, the more balanced they eat.

Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse doesn't understand a concept of eating healthy. His parents and siblings are heavy weight, they eat standard American food. I bake, cook lots of meals at home made from scratch, but my spouse/our 6 year old don't appreciate that at all. I spend money on quality, grass fed, organic foods ( most of the time). All my 6 year old wants is to have mac&cheese everyday, no vegetables, and barely any fruits. Our 6 year old was born small and is very small for her age. She goes to kindergarten to public school and they get free lunches, which are typically junk food ( lots of pizzas, cheap pastas, pretzel, french fries). My kid then comes home and compares my home made soups, breads etc. to the cafeteria food and says that all the food I cook is "yucky". My spouse thinks that it is OK to feed the child junky cereal, ice cream etc. all day long. I'm at my wits end. Yesterday and today I quit cooking and fixing meal for my spouse and my 6 year old. My spouse is feeding her whatever she wants, I just don't care anymore. Do any of you have this problem?

Health and safety of the children first.

He is lazy and cutting corners. It’s easy on him, to give additive, processed garbage food to your young kids. Kids love it and bad habits emerge quickly - like whining for more garbage food, not eating healthy foods, expecting garbage food, etc.

Obese children are unhealthy and often inactive, and it is 100% the parents fault. Apples, lentils, eggs, bananas, are not terrible expensive. And only do water.

Just do not keep garbage food in the house. Your spouse needs to grow up and parent.

Agree with this, and I totally get your frustration OP. Your DH does it because it is easy, kids love it and therefore love him for giving it to them. So he gets that emotional return from them. And it is addictive.

I don’t know how you solve this if he won’t quit. You can force him. But I would pack her school lunch, start there. And keep making your homemade meals and dodge the take out and boxed Mac and cheese as much as possible without being super controlling about it. Just don’t buy it and say you aren’t doing take out- you made dinner and leave it at that. If she won’t eat it, she can have a bowl of plain Cheerios.

[Anonymous]

My aspie spouse and older child are impulse eaters so we do not keep any of these empty carb things and sugary things in the house. We do bake desserts a couple times a month or make banana bread.
Unf the scope of foods that daughter eats goes down each and every year.
Interestingly, when dinner is late or stays out as the only thing she can eat before bed, she will eat the cauliflower fish dish and not whine for ice cream, cookies, or cheese sticks.

In contrast to OP, my spouse isn’t pushing junk food, but he also is not very involved and often hoodwinked by the kids (mom said we could have pasta or pizza! Mom said finish the Pringle’s from the ski trip) and he just nods along on his phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I have a similar dynamic with my husband. It isn't all junk food but he has a per-choice restrictive diet and always eats differently than us.

All my kids ate well as babies but as soon as they realized they could have whatever they wanted for dinner---like daddy---it has been a constant battle to not eat waffles and french fries everyday. He never tells them to eat what is on their plates and will make them what they want. We have had numerous conversations on it. He says they will go hungry if he doesn't do what he is doing. I counter that of course they want comfort foods over vegetables. It is honestly the only point of contention in our marriage.

The only thing that has worked is just talking to them as they get older about being healthy and fit. Things have improved, but it is still not great.

If you have any successes please come back and let me know.

OP here. I hope that when my 6 year old is somewhat older, I can reason with her regarding healthy foods. Right now, at her age, she can't comprehend the importance of eating healthy. We don't go to fast food places, neither do we order foods, but my spouse sometimes takes her to Burger King or MacDonald's. Like I mentioned earlier, I don't buy junk food ( no sodas, no cheap juices, no chips etc.), but then my spouse sneaks to the grocery store and fills in with the junk food that he likes to eat.

My 6 year old absolutely understands the importance of healthy eating. We talk about the role of nutrients, protein, healthy fat, and fun treats. She knows food is fuel and her body needs healthy food to keep growing big and strong. She’s 6, not 3. Stop babying her and explain WHY you want her to eat healthy foods and how to make good choices (which include treats).

I agree with this generally, but as long as the husband is undermining the message, it will not work well for a 6 year old. You need to find a way to get on the same page, even if it is for just one meal a day.

[Anonymous]

You should consider having your husband meet with you and the pediatrician. The doctor should present health information. I would also suggest family counseling, because this issue is likely playing out in other ways in the family dynamic. Tell the pediatrician ahead of time, in a private phone call, what is happening, so they can schedule an appointment with enough time and be ready. Tell your husband that the doctor wants to see you both.