My spouse only gives our 6 year old unhealthy foods

[Anonymous]

My spouse doesn't understand a concept of eating healthy. His parents and siblings are heavy weight, they eat standard American food. I bake, cook lots of meals at home made from scratch, but my spouse/our 6 year old don't appreciate that at all. I spend money on quality, grass fed, organic foods ( most of the time). All my 6 year old wants is to have mac&cheese everyday, no vegetables, and barely any fruits. Our 6 year old was born small and is very small for her age. She goes to kindergarten to public school and they get free lunches, which are typically junk food ( lots of pizzas, cheap pastas, pretzel, french fries). My kid then comes home and compares my home made soups, breads etc. to the cafeteria food and says that all the food I cook is "yucky". My spouse thinks that it is OK to feed the child junky cereal, ice cream etc. all day long. I'm at my wits end. Yesterday and today I quit cooking and fixing meal for my spouse and my 6 year old. My spouse is feeding her whatever she wants, I just don't care anymore. Do any of you have this problem?

[Anonymous]

Send your kid to school with a packed lunch. Why is she eating the food for the poors?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send your kid to school with a packed lunch. Why is she eating the food for the poors?

I tried that, 90% of it comes back home in her lunch box, so we gave up.

[Anonymous]

Unless he is in charge of grocery shopping, stop buying foods that you do not want served.

[Anonymous]

Don't get mad at the kid - when you eat sugar and carbs you become very addicted to them. It's excruciatingly hard for an adult to break that cycle - so probably nearly impossible for a small child.

No, I haven't dealt with this - food is something DH and I talked about before getting married. I think it was in the context of how we each wanted to spend money and division of labor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless he is in charge of grocery shopping, stop buying foods that you do not want served.

OP here, I only buy healthy foods. My spouse goes to the grocery store and buys junk food. He is like a kid, I had numerous talk with him about healthy foods, but he just doesn't get it.

[Anonymous]

OP I have a similar dynamic with my husband. It isn't all junk food but he has a per-choice restrictive diet and always eats differently than us.

All my kids ate well as babies but as soon as they realized they could have whatever they wanted for dinner---like daddy---it has been a constant battle to not eat waffles and french fries everyday. He never tells them to eat what is on their plates and will make them what they want. We have had numerous conversations on it. He says they will go hungry if he doesn't do what he is doing. I counter that of course they want comfort foods over vegetables. It is honestly the only point of contention in our marriage.

The only thing that has worked is just talking to them as they get older about being healthy and fit. Things have improved, but it is still not great.

If you have any successes please come back and let me know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I have a similar dynamic with my husband. It isn't all junk food but he has a per-choice restrictive diet and always eats differently than us.

All my kids ate well as babies but as soon as they realized they could have whatever they wanted for dinner---like daddy---it has been a constant battle to not eat waffles and french fries everyday. He never tells them to eat what is on their plates and will make them what they want. We have had numerous conversations on it. He says they will go hungry if he doesn't do what he is doing. I counter that of course they want comfort foods over vegetables. It is honestly the only point of contention in our marriage.

The only thing that has worked is just talking to them as they get older about being healthy and fit. Things have improved, but it is still not great.

If you have any successes please come back and let me know.

OP here. I hope that when my 6 year old is somewhat older, I can reason with her regarding healthy foods. Right now, at her age, she can't comprehend the importance of eating healthy. We don't go to fast food places, neither do we order foods, but my spouse sometimes takes her to Burger King or MacDonald's. Like I mentioned earlier, I don't buy junk food ( no sodas, no cheap juices, no chips etc.), but then my spouse sneaks to the grocery store and fills in with the junk food that he likes to eat.

[Anonymous]

Obviously you are not making this situation any better. It sounds like you are on one end of the spectrum and are shocked when your child wants the more processed end. How is this confusing? Moderation is the answer, for all of you.

[Anonymous]

How about setting up a weekly dinner menu as a famiy for the week so everyone knows what to expect. Mac and cheese is fine for one night but not two. Cereal has to come with fruit and a yogurt...

[Anonymous]

If you feed her healthy food 90% of the time, the 10% junk isn’t going to hurt her. And don’t let her eat school lunch if you’re concerned about junk because that stuff is horrible. Who cares if it comes back with her, just serve it to her for dinner or an after school snack. She may just not be hungry around lunch time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you feed her healthy food 90% of the time, the 10% junk isn’t going to hurt her. And don’t let her eat school lunch if you’re concerned about junk because that stuff is horrible. Who cares if it comes back with her, just serve it to her for dinner or an after school snack. She may just not be hungry around lunch time.

OP here. If my child ate 90% of healthy food, I would be in heaven. The problem is, she is a very picky eater. I would be fine giving her some junk food every day if she ate meat, fish, vegetables etc.. But she won't touch fish, vegetables ( except cucumbers, tomatoes), barely any fruits, no soups. So I feel like she eats 30% of healthy food and the rest between school and my spouse feeding her is junk. That's why I have a huge problem with that. A few months before, she actually drank some home made smoothies- which I was delighted about, but now she won't touch it. I make my home made pizza and she would eat some of it, but recently she said that my pizza is awful and she prefers pizza served at school. My child also won't eat any cheese ( with exception melted on pizza), so I cannot even give her any good quality cheese.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I have a similar issue and I’ve found I need to let it go. He is their parent too, and has a right to feed them what he wants to, same as I do. Within reason!! When something is particularly bothersome I talk to him about it (hey, can we not give them orange soda? The sugar makes them hyper) or suggest things (oh- thanks for feeding them- there is cut fruit in the fridge to go with their Mac and cheese). The rest I let go. It is all about balance. On the up side, my kids (older now- 10 and 12) are not as crazy about treats/junk as most kids because those foods have never been forbidden. Eventually kids will make their own food choices when we are not around. I talk to them about balance a lot. They are extremely active and on the skinny side ,if anything!

I pack their lunches for school, with their input. Yes sometimes things come back home, but that is a function of them spending lunchtime chatting and not focusing on eating! They may not be eating much of the school lunches either OP. I’ve had good luck with letting them help pack- like choose one protein, one fresh fruit, what type of crackers/pretzels etc (offering choices with some boundaries)

[Anonymous]

Kids don’t become unhealthy from bad food, they become unhealthy from a bad relationship with food. Keep providing access to good stuff and stop sweating it when they eat stuff that you personally don’t prefer them to eat. remember that family time and enjoyment are the other benefit of meals - not just the nutrition.

The less I try to push my kids to certain foods, the more balanced they eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you feed her healthy food 90% of the time, the 10% junk isn’t going to hurt her. And don’t let her eat school lunch if you’re concerned about junk because that stuff is horrible. Who cares if it comes back with her, just serve it to her for dinner or an after school snack. She may just not be hungry around lunch time.

OP here. If my child ate 90% of healthy food, I would be in heaven. The problem is, she is a very picky eater. I would be fine giving her some junk food every day if she ate meat, fish, vegetables etc.. But she won't touch fish, vegetables ( except cucumbers, tomatoes), barely any fruits, no soups. So I feel like she eats 30% of healthy food and the rest between school and my spouse feeding her is junk. That's why I have a huge problem with that. A few months before, she actually drank some home made smoothies- which I was delighted about, but now she won't touch it. I make my home made pizza and she would eat some of it, but recently she said that my pizza is awful and she prefers pizza served at school. My child also won't eat any cheese ( with exception melted on pizza), so I cannot even give her any good quality cheese.

This is all so normal. You just have to keep offering, offering, offering. She will eventually like MANY of the things you are serving (I promise). Others she will still dislike, and that is OK. Have you tried to involve her with the shopping or preparation? My kids will often choose different fruits at the store than I would normally buy regularly (kiwi etc) and, surprisingly, will eat them. Other things too. The phases with food are also normal- my kids will go on a smoothie kick one week, and then next week not be very interested- repeat for many foods.