Women Quitting or Taking Leave of Absence to Manage Kids' College Applications?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's what's involved:

visiting schools - we will probably see 20, none of them close by. Not many do Saturday tours. Then depending on what the final list is you need to go back to some for the interview. It is hard to send the kid on their own to these because they can't rent a car and at least some of the ones we are looking at are not close to major airports.

transporting to SAT prep - individual tutoring sessions in both math and english. Towards the end of tutoring DC could drive so that helped a little bit.

attend college fairs and other local events - one last night, one last week as an example

That's before the applications even start.

dont know about a leave, but it's sure hard to work full time and do all this.

This is just plain stupid. There is no reason to see 20 schools. Your top 20 choices? Get real. You can weed out more than half by reputation alone. And in this day (as opposed to the days when were picking colleges) you can get plenty of information from the internet. Wait until you've been accepted to do the tours of the ones you think you'd like to attend, otherwise you're putting the cart before the horse.

Seriously. Who cares if you visit Stanford when you can't get in??

[Anonymous]

That sounds sensible pp. Why would people visit schools that they haven't even been admitted to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Okay - here's an example we are currently dealing with. Tell me how to get a kid to St Lawrence University. It's 10 hours from here by car. Closest airport is Ottawa. Albany is about 4 hours or so away. Syracuse is closer but RT airfare is over $500. Car rentals not allowed. Let me know how to do this economically and without parental involvement.

http://www.stlawu.edu/admis/how.html

Vamoose to NYC, then bus from Port Authority.
Fly to Albany, then commuter plane ($100 or less roundtrip, if their website is correct
Fly to Albany, cab to bus station, bus to school.

Good luck!

Yes - we looked at the website already. But it ends up being a 3 day trip for one school which just doesn't work with school/sports/work schedules.

[Anonymous]

LOA to manage the application? Crazy. Taking 1-2 weeks off total to visit the schools? Reasonable, if you can afford it.

Rewind 20+ years...
My mom, who was a SAHM, took my brother to look at colleges early in his senior year. Probably 8-10 colleges scattered throughout New England. He toured and interviewed at each school. None of them easy to get to without a car. Since we lived in the midwest, driving himself wasn't an option, and he couldn't rent a car at the airport. He could have taken buses between the campuses, but it would have meant more time in transit and take longer to visit all the schools. As it was, they did it all in 1 week, maybe less.

When I was a senior in college, my mom repeated the process, but to different schools. With a few exceptions, I could have visited those schools on my own, as I was mostly interested in schools close to big cities. But at 17, my parents weren't thrilled about me staying overnight in a hotel by myself, if a hotel would have even let me. And colleges don't arrange overnights until you've been accepted (athletic recruits might be different). Then a month later, my dad took a few days off to take me to visit some California schools.

Seeing schools over summer break might give you an idea of what the campus looks like, but not what the student body is like. I got totally different vibes from the students at Harvard, Yale, Princeton and Stanford. If I had seen the schools when they weren't in classes, it would have been totally different.

[Anonymous]

Gee whiz. I applied to only one college without seeing it first, because my father drew a circle around our city on the map and said I couldn't go outside the circle, and I saw a movie about a girl who had the same interests I did and went to this college. I went to the library and read about it and mailed in an application.

Kids today sure are pampered, and it sounds like we parents are the enablers.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

First of all, I'll be in my mid 50s when my oldest child is a senior in high school, and how the heck would I keep my job, not to mention pay for college, if I took an LOA only 10 years before retirement?

Secondly, three schools max. Study after study shows that consumers don't make better choices when there are too many. I'm saying right now, UVA, William and Mary and a third school of his or her choice. Finito, end of story. I fully expect my kids to have visited Uva and W & M before junior year in high school!

Thirdly, this really is your child's process. Love, support, help, but don't give up your life to get them into college. Why would a sane person put up with this? Then again, we don't do travel sports teams either for sanity reasons.

[Anonymous]

How is it your child's process if you dictate 2/3 of his/her options from the outset. And if your DC is unsure of acceptance at UVa or W&M, then s/he's stuck spending that one choice on a safety school.

I agree that the LOA approach is insane, but yours is a pretty drastic alternative and it certainly wouldn't be realistic for most families.

[Anonymous]

I figure that we (two full-time working parents) have managed so far to drive our kids around to sports, music lessons and theater, so adding an SAT class won't be a huge challenge. Provided that it's in the evening, so that we don't have to take annual leave every afternoon to get them to SAT classes.

We'd take AL if necessary for the SATs class, but I suspect there are enough evening classes that this won't be necessary. In fact, we each (DH and I) take 20 minutes of AL once a week to get the kids to certain sports events. I.e. we leave the office at 4:40 instead of 5:00 so that we can make that 6:00 sports practice in Rockville.

But a leave of absence, no.

[Anonymous]

OP, you say "three schools max"? UVA and William and Mary are both selective schools, so the third would have to be an absolute safety for you to limit your kids to three schools. College admissions is so unpredictable these days that your kids could end up with no admits (no offense intended, as I do not know their qualifications or circumstances).

[Anonymous]

It is ridiculous to visit 20 schools so your child can decide where to apply. If you're willing to do it, fine, but to act like that's necessary? Well, that's just absurd. Most children can narrow it down much, much further just by looking at applications and doing research.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is ridiculous to visit 20 schools so your child can decide where to apply. If you're willing to do it, fine, but to act like that's necessary? Well, that's just absurd. Most children can narrow it down much, much further just by looking at applications and doing research.

Wow - just checking back in after several days. I am not sure I said it was necessary anywhere - just said that's what we were doing. In fact I think i said in an earlier post it was rather enjoyable to be spending time with my child who will soon be gone - we are visiting beautiful campuses, staying at cute B&Bs. This is what SHE wants to do. The list of schools is HER list. She is much more comfortable seeing the schools. And as it has turned out some that looked great on paper/website were not appealing in person and vice versa. If we didn't have the money to spend on it then maybe we'd take a different approach but money isn't really an issue. I only made the point that it is time consuming when you are also working full time.

I think it also depends on the schools a child is interested in. If they are only interested in ivy/brand name then visits aren't that big a deal. Odds are long so maybe waiting until the kid is admitted makes sense, the schools don't really care if you visit because applicants are plentiful, and usually personal interviews aren't required. If they are only interested in, or can only afford, state school options then again visits aren't so important, especially at the very lage universities where admissions is more numerically based. But for the small liberal arts schools they do vary quite a bit in personality and they also put a premium on vists and interviews in the admissions process.

There is also the Early Decision factor. If you want to take advantage of the admissions edge that ED offers then you need to be prepared to commit by November 15th. My child won't be comfortable making that commitment without doing a visit.

But really kids are different, families are different, resources are different so you do what works for you. Obviously my child's approach isn't what you are doing but that's totally fine. Just don't be critical of her approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Okay - here's an example we are currently dealing with. Tell me how to get a kid to St Lawrence University. It's 10 hours from here by car. Closest airport is Ottawa. Albany is about 4 hours or so away. Syracuse is closer but RT airfare is over $500. Car rentals not allowed. Let me know how to do this economically and without parental involvement.

SLU grad here. from syracuse you can take a puddle jumper to ogdensburg (not sure of the costs) or a bus. Also be sure to go there in the winter to see what it is like. I grew up here and was not prepared for -70 degree windchills and of course as a dc native I never learned how to drive in th snow which was a problem my freshman year. Weather aside it is a great school hope your DC likes it!

[Anonymous]

Whether a LOA makes sense for any reason is of course based on the totality of the family circumstances. If there are two parents working FT at 40 hours a week each, there may be a very different picture than is there are 2 parents working at 50-60 hours per week each. And how many children are in the family? And are there reasons parents want to be more involved and present for school visits? Every family is different. Maybe for some it's a time for bonding with their kids.

Also, to the poster who takes 20 minutes of leave a week who seems incredulous about someone taking a LOA, please keep in mind that many people would consider your work to be part-time compared to their regular schedules, and that they may be more likely to take a LOA because they may be more thin-stretched than those who leave work at 5pm. It sounds like you have a very good schedule (at least on the evening side), but many do not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOA to manage the application? Crazy. Taking 1-2 weeks off total to visit the schools? Reasonable, if you can afford it.

Rewind 20+ years...
My mom, who was a SAHM, took my brother to look at colleges early in his senior year. Probably 8-10 colleges scattered throughout New England. He toured and interviewed at each school. None of them easy to get to without a car. Since we lived in the midwest, driving himself wasn't an option, and he couldn't rent a car at the airport. He could have taken buses between the campuses, but it would have meant more time in transit and take longer to visit all the schools. As it was, they did it all in 1 week, maybe less.

When I was a senior in college, my mom repeated the process, but to different schools. With a few exceptions, I could have visited those schools on my own, as I was mostly interested in schools close to big cities. But at 17, my parents weren't thrilled about me staying overnight in a hotel by myself, if a hotel would have even let me. And colleges don't arrange overnights until you've been accepted (athletic recruits might be different). Then a month later, my dad took a few days off to take me to visit some California schools.

Seeing schools over summer break might give you an idea of what the campus looks like, but not what the student body is like. I got totally different vibes from the students at Harvard, Yale, Princeton and Stanford. If I had seen the schools when they weren't in classes, it would have been totally different.

Your family is normal - we are doing visits junior year and summer. How were the students different at these schools?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOA to manage the application? Crazy. Taking 1-2 weeks off total to visit the schools? Reasonable, if you can afford it.

Rewind 20+ years...
My mom, who was a SAHM, took my brother to look at colleges early in his senior year. Probably 8-10 colleges scattered throughout New England. He toured and interviewed at each school. None of them easy to get to without a car. Since we lived in the midwest, driving himself wasn't an option, and he couldn't rent a car at the airport. He could have taken buses between the campuses, but it would have meant more time in transit and take longer to visit all the schools. As it was, they did it all in 1 week, maybe less.

When I was a senior in college, my mom repeated the process, but to different schools. With a few exceptions, I could have visited those schools on my own, as I was mostly interested in schools close to big cities. But at 17, my parents weren't thrilled about me staying overnight in a hotel by myself, if a hotel would have even let me. And colleges don't arrange overnights until you've been accepted (athletic recruits might be different). Then a month later, my dad took a few days off to take me to visit some California schools.

Seeing schools over summer break might give you an idea of what the campus looks like, but not what the student body is like. I got totally different vibes from the students at Harvard, Yale, Princeton and Stanford. If I had seen the schools when they weren't in classes, it would have been totally different.

Your family is normal - we are doing visits junior year and summer. How were the students different at these schools?

It was 1989. My opinions of the students at those schools 21 years ago is not particularly relevant today. But I eliminated two of those schools based on my visits there. IMHO, visits are important.