If you had an “oops/surprise” baby & ended up with your significant other/married, how is it going

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Got pregnant in early 30s almost 5 years ago. We had been together for quite a few years prior but were actually broken up at the time. I told him he could be involved or not. He choose to be involved, we've been together since.

Sometimes it is really hard. I dont think we are "meant" for each other but we both want to make it work, which IMO is 75% of the battle in a relationship. We have been through a lot in 10 years more than some marriages go through in 20 or 30 years. I dont necessarily want to be with someone else- truly I would rather not be in a committed relationship at all. It is easier financially to stay together and we genuinely have good times together. I dont know what will be left of our relationships when our child is older though but I dont think that is a problem specific to, or arising from, our relationship origin.

lmaoo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Got pregnant in early 30s almost 5 years ago. We had been together for quite a few years prior but were actually broken up at the time. I told him he could be involved or not. He choose to be involved, we've been together since.

Sometimes it is really hard. I dont think we are "meant" for each other but we both want to make it work, which IMO is 75% of the battle in a relationship. We have been through a lot in 10 years more than some marriages go through in 20 or 30 years. I dont necessarily want to be with someone else- truly I would rather not be in a committed relationship at all. It is easier financially to stay together and we genuinely have good times together. I dont know what will be left of our relationships when our child is older though but I dont think that is a problem specific to, or arising from, our relationship origin.

lmaoo

I know, right?! Isn’t she precious? Her and her baby daddy relationship is monumentally more special than long term
marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Got pregnant in early 30s almost 5 years ago. We had been together for quite a few years prior but were actually broken up at the time. I told him he could be involved or not. He choose to be involved, we've been together since.

Sometimes it is really hard. I dont think we are "meant" for each other but we both want to make it work, which IMO is 75% of the battle in a relationship. We have been through a lot in 10 years more than some marriages go through in 20 or 30 years. I dont necessarily want to be with someone else- truly I would rather not be in a committed relationship at all. It is easier financially to stay together and we genuinely have good times together. I dont know what will be left of our relationships when our child is older though but I dont think that is a problem specific to, or arising from, our relationship origin.

You've reduced marriages greater than 20 and 30 years as less than to your 10 year “don’t know what will be left once child is older” fling with “baby daddy.”

No I am saying that we know couple who have been together for 20-30 years and have been through less bullshit than our relationship. Unemployment, underemployment, mental health, aging parent, dementia parent, had to take in a parent and provide care, autoimmune disease, organ transplant. Most of the couple who are married we know are blindsided when something bad happens and struggle because it isnt this perfect version of life theyve been living previously disappears.

It is unknown whether the amount of crap weve been through will make us stronger in the end or be the demise. Baby daddy relationship or not.

Stop taking everything so personally. I answered the question in the OP.

[Anonymous]

Pregnant after 2 and half months dating. Had kid at 27, been together 15 years married 11.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Got pregnant in early 30s almost 5 years ago. We had been together for quite a few years prior but were actually broken up at the time. I told him he could be involved or not. He choose to be involved, we've been together since.

Sometimes it is really hard. I dont think we are "meant" for each other but we both want to make it work, which IMO is 75% of the battle in a relationship. We have been through a lot in 10 years more than some marriages go through in 20 or 30 years. I dont necessarily want to be with someone else- truly I would rather not be in a committed relationship at all. It is easier financially to stay together and we genuinely have good times together. I dont know what will be left of our relationships when our child is older though but I dont think that is a problem specific to, or arising from, our relationship origin.

You've reduced marriages greater than 20 and 30 years as less than to your 10 year “don’t know what will be left once child is older” fling with “baby daddy.”

No I am saying that we know couple who have been together for 20-30 years and have been through less bullshit than our relationship. Unemployment, underemployment, mental health, aging parent, dementia parent, had to take in a parent and provide care, autoimmune disease, organ transplant. Most of the couple who are married we know are blindsided when something bad happens and struggle because it isnt this perfect version of life theyve been living previously disappears.

It is unknown whether the amount of crap weve been through will make us stronger in the end or be the demise. Baby daddy relationship or not.

Stop taking everything so personally. I answered the question in the OP.

You’re tone deafness is impressive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Got pregnant in early 30s almost 5 years ago. We had been together for quite a few years prior but were actually broken up at the time. I told him he could be involved or not. He choose to be involved, we've been together since.

Sometimes it is really hard. I dont think we are "meant" for each other but we both want to make it work, which IMO is 75% of the battle in a relationship. We have been through a lot in 10 years more than some marriages go through in 20 or 30 years. I dont necessarily want to be with someone else- truly I would rather not be in a committed relationship at all. It is easier financially to stay together and we genuinely have good times together. I dont know what will be left of our relationships when our child is older though but I dont think that is a problem specific to, or arising from, our relationship origin.

You've reduced marriages greater than 20 and 30 years as less than to your 10 year “don’t know what will be left once child is older” fling with “baby daddy.”

No I am saying that we know couple who have been together for 20-30 years and have been through less bullshit than our relationship. Unemployment, underemployment, mental health, aging parent, dementia parent, had to take in a parent and provide care, autoimmune disease, organ transplant. Most of the couple who are married we know are blindsided when something bad happens and struggle because it isnt this perfect version of life theyve been living previously disappears.

It is unknown whether the amount of crap weve been through will make us stronger in the end or be the demise. Baby daddy relationship or not.

Stop taking everything so personally. I answered the question in the OP.

You’re tone deafness is impressive.

Youre right I have no idea why yalls butts are all flurried. I answered the OP not you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Got pregnant in early 30s almost 5 years ago. We had been together for quite a few years prior but were actually broken up at the time. I told him he could be involved or not. He choose to be involved, we've been together since.

Sometimes it is really hard. I dont think we are "meant" for each other but we both want to make it work, which IMO is 75% of the battle in a relationship. We have been through a lot in 10 years more than some marriages go through in 20 or 30 years. I dont necessarily want to be with someone else- truly I would rather not be in a committed relationship at all. It is easier financially to stay together and we genuinely have good times together. I dont know what will be left of our relationships when our child is older though but I dont think that is a problem specific to, or arising from, our relationship origin.

You've reduced marriages greater than 20 and 30 years as less than to your 10 year “don’t know what will be left once child is older” fling with “baby daddy.”

No I am saying that we know couple who have been together for 20-30 years and have been through less bullshit than our relationship. Unemployment, underemployment, mental health, aging parent, dementia parent, had to take in a parent and provide care, autoimmune disease, organ transplant. Most of the couple who are married we know are blindsided when something bad happens and struggle because it isnt this perfect version of life theyve been living previously disappears.

It is unknown whether the amount of crap weve been through will make us stronger in the end or be the demise. Baby daddy relationship or not.

Stop taking everything so personally. I answered the question in the OP.

You’re tone deafness is impressive.

Youre right I have no idea why yalls butts are all flurried. I answered the OP not you.

Because we haven’t been through all the crap like only you have! You answered on a public forum. Please post to let us know if you are strong and decide to stay together after all you and baby daddy been through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Got pregnant in early 30s almost 5 years ago. We had been together for quite a few years prior but were actually broken up at the time. I told him he could be involved or not. He choose to be involved, we've been together since.

Sometimes it is really hard. I dont think we are "meant" for each other but we both want to make it work, which IMO is 75% of the battle in a relationship. We have been through a lot in 10 years more than some marriages go through in 20 or 30 years. I dont necessarily want to be with someone else- truly I would rather not be in a committed relationship at all. It is easier financially to stay together and we genuinely have good times together. I dont know what will be left of our relationships when our child is older though but I dont think that is a problem specific to, or arising from, our relationship origin.

You've reduced marriages greater than 20 and 30 years as less than to your 10 year “don’t know what will be left once child is older” fling with “baby daddy.”

No I am saying that we know couple who have been together for 20-30 years and have been through less bullshit than our relationship. Unemployment, underemployment, mental health, aging parent, dementia parent, had to take in a parent and provide care, autoimmune disease, organ transplant. Most of the couple who are married we know are blindsided when something bad happens and struggle because it isnt this perfect version of life theyve been living previously disappears.

It is unknown whether the amount of crap weve been through will make us stronger in the end or be the demise. Baby daddy relationship or not.

Stop taking everything so personally. I answered the question in the OP.

You’re tone deafness is impressive.

Youre right I have no idea why yalls butts are all flurried. I answered the OP not you.

Throw in prima donna as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents. Happily married for almost 50 years, my mom was 3 months pregnant with me. I think their marriage is a success is because 1) my dad is still very much in love with her and very committed to their marriage 2) dad was very much hands on dad. I remember him washing my brother's cloth diapers and taking me to every weekly ballet class and 3) divorce was never an option, so they worked thru all their disagreements and they both knew how to give a little. However, there were never major issues like infidelity, addiction, laziness and my paternal grandmother stayed out of their marriage.

+100; I'd take out-of-wedlock over sociopathic MIL anyday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents. Happily married for almost 50 years, my mom was 3 months pregnant with me. I think their marriage is a success is because 1) my dad is still very much in love with her and very committed to their marriage 2) dad was very much hands on dad. I remember him washing my brother's cloth diapers and taking me to every weekly ballet class and 3) divorce was never an option, so they worked thru all their disagreements and they both knew how to give a little. However, there were never major issues like infidelity, addiction, laziness and my paternal grandmother stayed out of their marriage.

+100; I'd take out-of-wedlock over sociopathic MIL anyday.

But has that 50 plus marriage been through crap like the poster who has been with her 10 years dating baby daddy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:mid 30s when birth control failed. We had talked about getting married and having kids, and I thought this just meant we were ahead of schedule.

Unfortunately, it all ended spectacularly badly both for me and for my kids. I deeply regret carrying through with the pregnancy, not because I regret my kids, but because I regret the pain I caused them by giving them a terrible dad.

My advice to my "oops baby" (who doesn't know she is an "oops") is to make sure she is on birth control and knows how and where to get an abortion, which she should access without any shame for any reason, and that she should be very careful about who she chooses to partner and have children with.

It's not your fault their father is terrible. Don't blame yourself so much!

[Anonymous]

Serious question. Having sex can lead to pregnancy. Therefore, unless one didn’t know they had sex, how is a pregnancy a surprise?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serious question. Having sex can lead to pregnancy. Therefore, unless one didn’t know they had sex, how is a pregnancy a surprise?

And there you are. Why so late to the party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents. Happily married for almost 50 years, my mom was 3 months pregnant with me. I think their marriage is a success is because 1) my dad is still very much in love with her and very committed to their marriage 2) dad was very much hands on dad. I remember him washing my brother's cloth diapers and taking me to every weekly ballet class and 3) divorce was never an option, so they worked thru all their disagreements and they both knew how to give a little. However, there were never major issues like infidelity, addiction, laziness and my paternal grandmother stayed out of their marriage.

+100; I'd take out-of-wedlock over sociopathic MIL anyday.

But has that 50 plus marriage been through crap like the poster who has been with her 10 years dating baby daddy?

I don’t understand your fixation on that pp, nor do I want to. Please stop highjacking the thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serious question. Having sex can lead to pregnancy. Therefore, unless one didn’t know they had sex, how is a pregnancy a surprise?

Sometimes, contraceptives fail.