If you had an “oops/surprise” baby & ended up with your significant other/married, how is it going

[Anonymous]

Regardless of whether you married the other parent or just stayed in a long term relationship… how long has it been, how has the relationship been, are you still together?

[Anonymous]

My parents. Happily married for almost 50 years, my mom was 3 months pregnant with me. I think their marriage is a success is because 1) my dad is still very much in love with her and very committed to their marriage 2) dad was very much hands on dad. I remember him washing my brother's cloth diapers and taking me to every weekly ballet class and 3) divorce was never an option, so they worked thru all their disagreements and they both knew how to give a little. However, there were never major issues like infidelity, addiction, laziness and my paternal grandmother stayed out of their marriage.

[Anonymous]

Following

[Anonymous]

When I was born, my parents were still in college. They are very happily married still.

[Anonymous]

mid 30s when birth control failed. We had talked about getting married and having kids, and I thought this just meant we were ahead of schedule.

Unfortunately, it all ended spectacularly badly both for me and for my kids. I deeply regret carrying through with the pregnancy, not because I regret my kids, but because I regret the pain I caused them by giving them a terrible dad.

My advice to my "oops baby" (who doesn't know she is an "oops") is to make sure she is on birth control and knows how and where to get an abortion, which she should access without any shame for any reason, and that she should be very careful about who she chooses to partner and have children with.

[Anonymous]

Turbulent but wonderful marriage

[Anonymous]

10 years so far of happy, low-conflict marriage. We were in our mid-late 20s. Had a shotgun wedding.

[Anonymous]

My parents too. My mother considered an abortion, because she had just been diagnosed with a chronic neurodegenerative condition that could be worsened by pregnancy, plus she came from a very traditional and conservative family, and my father was not from the same nationality, culture, religion or skin color. Indeed, when they first met, they had no common language.

I was a flower girl at their wedding

Now they're 70+, still trundling along. My mother's illness was not significantly worsened by the pregnancy, but she made sure not to become pregnant again.

[Anonymous]

Got pregnant in early 30s almost 5 years ago. We had been together for quite a few years prior but were actually broken up at the time. I told him he could be involved or not. He choose to be involved, we've been together since.

Sometimes it is really hard. I dont think we are "meant" for each other but we both want to make it work, which IMO is 75% of the battle in a relationship. We have been through a lot in 10 years more than some marriages go through in 20 or 30 years. I dont necessarily want to be with someone else- truly I would rather not be in a committed relationship at all. It is easier financially to stay together and we genuinely have good times together. I dont know what will be left of our relationships when our child is older though but I dont think that is a problem specific to, or arising from, our relationship origin.

[Anonymous]

Happened to me twice (I get pregnant super easily, ha).

First one didn’t work out. We tried for a few years but we were so, so different. He’s a great dad, though.

Second one worked out. He’s also a great dad, and he’s someone I would have stayed with long term if we didn’t have a kid together. We’ve had rough patches but we’ve both worked hard to make it work.

If I thought they would be uninvolved fathers I probably wouldn’t have told them about the pregnancy and would have raised my child solo. Crappy dads aren’t worth the hassle. Luckily both of mine are great.

[Anonymous]

Didn’t have one. I am one. Doing fine, thank you very much!

[Anonymous]

This is me right now! Mid-thirties, fiancé just turned 40. We had spoken about marriage (he was already shopping for my engagement ring when we found out I’m pregnant) and we already live together. We’re getting married next month and then will break the news to friends and family. We’re extremely compatible, very good at communicating and ironing out differences, and really love each other so - I’m hoping for the best. Baby’s due in October.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Happened to me twice (I get pregnant super easily, ha).

First one didn’t work out. We tried for a few years but we were so, so different. He’s a great dad, though.

Second one worked out. He’s also a great dad, and he’s someone I would have stayed with long term if we didn’t have a kid together. We’ve had rough patches but we’ve both worked hard to make it work.

If I thought they would be uninvolved fathers I probably wouldn’t have told them about the pregnancy and would have raised my child solo. Crappy dads aren’t worth the hassle. Luckily both of mine are great.

OMG!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Got pregnant in early 30s almost 5 years ago. We had been together for quite a few years prior but were actually broken up at the time. I told him he could be involved or not. He choose to be involved, we've been together since.

Sometimes it is really hard. I dont think we are "meant" for each other but we both want to make it work, which IMO is 75% of the battle in a relationship. We have been through a lot in 10 years more than some marriages go through in 20 or 30 years. I dont necessarily want to be with someone else- truly I would rather not be in a committed relationship at all. It is easier financially to stay together and we genuinely have good times together. I dont know what will be left of our relationships when our child is older though but I dont think that is a problem specific to, or arising from, our relationship origin.

You've reduced marriages greater than 20 and 30 years as less than to your 10 year “don’t know what will be left once child is older” fling with “baby daddy.”

[Anonymous]

Still going strong 41 years later, met when we were 18, got pregnant at 20.