Consoling kids, if they don't get into their first choice school, or perhaps any

[Anonymous]

I have watched the application process with friends and my own kids. The only time kids tend to be totally shut out is if they only applied to places like Sidwell etc. If that is what you did then definitely talk to them that the odds are really slim and would be a happy surprise if it landed. If you have rounded out your applications then I am sure something will hit. If it doesn’t, there is something called secondary applications and usually you can get a spot then.You wait a week for dust to settle as admissions people are really busy. Then you reach out to every school including large Catholics which have larger classes and no it doesn’t matter if you are not Catholic. You may also want to invest in a school counselor because they tend to know what schools have spots and can get your application in front of right people quickly. Finally worse come worse, schools do take kids in 10th. Since your child is younger, you can still go the Catholic school route because they help with high school. Also do not turn your nose down to independent k8 schools who may need kids because
some of their students would have applied out. This happens all the time. Look at the process as problem solving and show your child that there are always solutions to problems if you focus. My kid was rejected at a big three for k and we went the k8 route and got in the same big three for middle that said no for k. FWIW wouldn’t have traded the k8 experience for the world. I sometimes even wonder if we shouldn’t have kept child through 8th. Good luck!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have watched the application process with friends and my own kids. The only time kids tend to be totally shut out is if they only applied to places like Sidwell etc. If that is what you did then definitely talk to them that the odds are really slim and would be a happy surprise if it landed. If you have rounded out your applications then I am sure something will hit. If it doesn’t, there is something called secondary applications and usually you can get a spot then.You wait a week for dust to settle as admissions people are really busy. Then you reach out to every school including large Catholics which have larger classes and no it doesn’t matter if you are not Catholic. You may also want to invest in a school counselor because they tend to know what schools have spots and can get your application in front of right people quickly. Finally worse come worse, schools do take kids in 10th. Since your child is younger, you can still go the Catholic school route because they help with high school. Also do not turn your nose down to independent k8 schools who may need kids because
some of their students would have applied out. This happens all the time. Look at the process as problem solving and show your child that there are always solutions to problems if you focus. My kid was rejected at a big three for k and we went the k8 route and got in the same big three for middle that said no for k. FWIW wouldn’t have traded the k8 experience for the world. I sometimes even wonder if we shouldn’t have kept child through 8th. Good luck!!

Do some kids "apply out" in middle from independent K-8s, or do most stay all the way through? I know it's a generalization, but we're applying to K-8s for middle (from public), so just curious how common that is/isn't.

[Anonymous]

I'll be telling my kid that he should have worked harder than he did, that he should have turned more of his homework assignments in on time than he did, that this is a learning lesson, and that, regardless, he's moving on to the next grade and to make the best of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have watched the application process with friends and my own kids. The only time kids tend to be totally shut out is if they only applied to places like Sidwell etc. If that is what you did then definitely talk to them that the odds are really slim and would be a happy surprise if it landed. If you have rounded out your applications then I am sure something will hit. If it doesn’t, there is something called secondary applications and usually you can get a spot then.You wait a week for dust to settle as admissions people are really busy. Then you reach out to every school including large Catholics which have larger classes and no it doesn’t matter if you are not Catholic. You may also want to invest in a school counselor because they tend to know what schools have spots and can get your application in front of right people quickly. Finally worse come worse, schools do take kids in 10th. Since your child is younger, you can still go the Catholic school route because they help with high school. Also do not turn your nose down to independent k8 schools who may need kids because
some of their students would have applied out. This happens all the time. Look at the process as problem solving and show your child that there are always solutions to problems if you focus. My kid was rejected at a big three for k and we went the k8 route and got in the same big three for middle that said no for k. FWIW wouldn’t have traded the k8 experience for the world. I sometimes even wonder if we shouldn’t have kept child through 8th. Good luck!!

Do some kids "apply out" in middle from independent K-8s, or do most stay all the way through? I know it's a generalization, but we're applying to K-8s for middle (from public), so just curious how common that is/isn't.

It is very common. Kids apply out and some try and if it doesn’t work then they stay through 8th. Kids who come to the k8 in 7th are very much welcomed because it is also nice to have new students come in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll be telling my kid that he should have worked harder than he did, that he should have turned more of his homework assignments in on time than he did, that this is a learning lesson, and that, regardless, he's moving on to the next grade and to make the best of it.

Wow! Sounds like you are setting him up to be one of the millions of mid-level perfectionist who have depression for most of their lives. Smooth parenting move, Mom...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To answer the OP, I would not lie and tell my child he/she was waitlisted if they were rejected.

Yes, don't lie. It will turn your kid into a liar too. We know someone who did this and her daughter told EVERYONE she was WL for Sidwell. The girls were laughing at her behind her back because they all knew she didn't get in. It was sad because I knew it was probably her mom that told her that, so she was really innocent about it all.

[Anonymous]

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Prepare the child for the road, not the road for the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s my first year applying too, but I would take a practical approach. There are X spots, 1/2 for your gender. Or those, many will be taken up by siblings and legacies. And for the rest, they’re trying to balance the class with different races, ethnicities, interests, life experiences. Just bc you didn’t get in doesn’t mean you’re “less than” - it’s luck of the draw and unfortunately you didn’t get lucky this time…

Same for us. We have really focused on the numbers and the luck aspect. Every possibility (including zoned public) has pros and cons and none are truly unacceptable. I think we have done a good job managing expectations. I’m absolutely not lying about rejection vs waitlist.

[Anonymous]

Oh, boo hoo. It's the parents who will be upset, not the kids. The parents are the ones who want to show off about which school their kid goes to. The kids will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We started prepping our kids a few weeks ago, telling them the statistics we knew (like over 900 applicants to Bullis freshman class), the idea of siblings and legacies, etc. I’m super glad we did because I don’t think we are getting in anywhere. I also started talking up the public option (we are inbound for Whitman). I think they will be ok when we get the rejections.

What?!?! Please tell me Bullis did not receive 900 applications for 9th grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To answer the OP, I would not lie and tell my child he/she was waitlisted if they were rejected.

Yes, don't lie. It will turn your kid into a liar too. We know someone who did this and her daughter told EVERYONE she was WL for Sidwell. The girls were laughing at her behind her back because they all knew she didn't get in. It was sad because I knew it was probably her mom that told her that, so she was really innocent about it all.

Sounds like a lovely group of friends. Regardless, I think Sidwell is one of those schools that WL everyone at 9th, so she probably was WL and not rejected. I assumed it was a soft rejection when my DC was WL for 9th.

[Anonymous]

Hardest part for my kid last year -- who didn't have a first-choice school, and had one acceptance and a number of WLs, so overall came through last year's crazy application season in good shape -- were the kids in her 8th grade class who just could not help themselves from musing "which should I choose" in public. And the kids were well aware of the status rankings among various DC private schools, so that came up too. If your kid is in a grade where many (or all) are applying to privates or to application public schools, they will talk and they can be thoughtless. And I don't have particularly good advice for that situation other than being a safe place to share how much that behavior can sting sometimes. (I should add that my child's one acceptance was at one of the two schools -- not a "Big 3" -- I thought would be the best fit and it has worked out well so far.)

I would also say, I think kids view a WL decision as pretty much the same as a rejection, so I don't think telling them they were waitlisted if they were instead rejected would lessen the sting very much. In any event, we logged on to Ravenna together that afternoon so we could see and process the results together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hardest part for my kid last year -- who didn't have a first-choice school, and had one acceptance and a number of WLs, so overall came through last year's crazy application season in good shape -- were the kids in her 8th grade class who just could not help themselves from musing "which should I choose" in public. And the kids were well aware of the status rankings among various DC private schools, so that came up too. If your kid is in a grade where many (or all) are applying to privates or to application public schools, they will talk and they can be thoughtless. And I don't have particularly good advice for that situation other than being a safe place to share how much that behavior can sting sometimes. (I should add that my child's one acceptance was at one of the two schools -- not a "Big 3" -- I thought would be the best fit and it has worked out well so far.)

I would also say, I think kids view a WL decision as pretty much the same as a rejection, so I don't think telling them they were waitlisted if they were instead rejected would lessen the sting very much. In any event, we logged on to Ravenna together that afternoon so we could see and process the results together.

My DC was rejected at a school to which several classmates were accepted. These classmates were discussing acceptances and asked my child during homeroom if they got in. My child said they were WL. I was fine with that lie. My DC was embarrassed. It is really no one’s business and the parents should have been telling their kids that they shouldn’t be discussing acceptances at school and certainly shouldn’t be asking anyone whether they got in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We started prepping our kids a few weeks ago, telling them the statistics we knew (like over 900 applicants to Bullis freshman class), the idea of siblings and legacies, etc. I’m super glad we did because I don’t think we are getting in anywhere. I also started talking up the public option (we are inbound for Whitman). I think they will be ok when we get the rejections.

What?!?! Please tell me Bullis did not receive 900 applications for 9th grade.

Bullis has not received over 900 applications for 9th grade. Trust me on that fact.

[Anonymous]

I was pleasantly surprised how things worked out last year for 9th. Kids really seemed to get into the right schools for them.