Retrospective advice for a middle schooler

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^meant sophomore year in HIGH SCHOOL. Sorry.

I agree on the focus on other things, but you can’t block the discussion completely. At our public middle school, counselors already discuss college due to course selections - advanced courses in MS lead to advanced hs diploma. Parents should be aware of this.

+1 I think kids need to know that grades do matter, certainly if they’re taking credit-bearing courses in 7th and 8th. But even more important than the letter grade, is do they actually understand the content, particularly with math. I have an 8th grader in geometry who has never received anything below an A in math, but seriously can’t remember basic skills like multiplying and dividing fractions. The grades do not necessarily reflect the content mastery, sadly, so reinforcing and reviewing those foundational concepts now is really important. It will just make everything that follows in high school that much easier (hopefully).

[Anonymous]

These responses seem soooo odd. My daughter had to do an assignment about college admissions when she was in 4th grade. The teachers just had all the kids research a college they would like to go to and write a paragraph in it. You can’t not talk about it!

I talk to my kids all the time about colleges, but not in the sense that I’m pushing them to get into a good school. I talk about the value of a degree (which is a pretty complex topic), the cost benefit analysis of various schools, the student loan debt crisis, inequities in admissions, the misplaced emphasis on selectivity, the emotional toll of pushing kids into good schools, etc. We also watched that documentary about the college admissions scandal that Felicity Huffman and others were involved in.

I can’t imagine an academic environment where middle schoolers don’t have college in the back of their minds most of the time. I don’t think that interferes with childhood any more that rigorous writing instruction does.

OP have you read the book “The Self-Driven Child?” It’s so good, and I think you’ll find a lot of value in it.

[Anonymous]

My kids (one in college now and one in high school) have always known the expectation is that they go to college and get degrees, but beyond that we weren't talking about it in middle school nor choosing extracurriculars or classes based on what might "look good" for college selections.

Down the line when the time comes, my advice would be worry less about getting into a "good" school and more your child finding the right school for him/her, that is financially feasible. And keep in mind that what your kid is interested in now (studies-wise, and college major) can change dramatically between now and college application time.

Of course emphasize the importance of education and learning, but let your kid be a kid now.

[Anonymous]

The absolute best thing you can do for your kid in middle school is to let them take complete ownership of their grades and homework, even if that means Bs or Cs. Talk to them about it, sure and get them help if they need it, but don't keep checking their homework portal to see if they've turned things in, etc. Middle school is where they learn to manage their work by trial and error. Grades don't really matter. Also teach them to talk to the teacher directly if they have an issue (ie, thought something was turned in, but they got a zero for it.) This is a vital life skill, and middle school is the best place to start using it. Don't step in, even if you're sure the teacher is wrong. Learning that sometimes they have to deal with fallible humans is good for them too.
I'm pleased we managed to do this with ours and it has paid off for all of us now that they're in high school. Instead of giving them a hard time for lower than expected grades in middle school, we were supportive and asked what they need and what they can do about it. Most kids around here will already feel less-than for lower grades. They feel the pressure to get As. They don't need their parents piling on.
Make sure they're getting exercise outside every day. Have them join at least one outside activity, maybe a couple. (sports, scouts, chorus etc) Social dynamics in middle school can get f'd up, and it's good for kids to have a completely separate social setting as a counter-balance.

[Anonymous]

OP, don't listen to the BS on this forum. People either have very different profiles/motives/values or try to intentionally mislead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, don't listen to the BS on this forum. People either have very different profiles/motives/values or try to intentionally mislead.

So are you here to altruistically make sure everyone is aware of this?

I've found quite a bit of good, useful information here. Mixed in with some of what you mention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The absolute best thing you can do for your kid in middle school is to let them take complete ownership of their grades and homework, even if that means Bs or Cs. Talk to them about it, sure and get them help if they need it, but don't keep checking their homework portal to see if they've turned things in, etc. Middle school is where they learn to manage their work by trial and error. Grades don't really matter. Also teach them to talk to the teacher directly if they have an issue (ie, thought something was turned in, but they got a zero for it.) This is a vital life skill, and middle school is the best place to start using it. Don't step in, even if you're sure the teacher is wrong. Learning that sometimes they have to deal with fallible humans is good for them too.
I'm pleased we managed to do this with ours and it has paid off for all of us now that they're in high school. Instead of giving them a hard time for lower than expected grades in middle school, we were supportive and asked what they need and what they can do about it. Most kids around here will already feel less-than for lower grades. They feel the pressure to get As. They don't need their parents piling on.
Make sure they're getting exercise outside every day. Have them join at least one outside activity, maybe a couple. (sports, scouts, chorus etc) Social dynamics in middle school can get f'd up, and it's good for kids to have a completely separate social setting as a counter-balance.

+100

We did this too and year by year stepped more and more into the background and encouraged our kid to handle these things themselves. Once HS rolled around kid was self-sufficient and confident handling their own grades, situations, and teachers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The absolute best thing you can do for your kid in middle school is to let them take complete ownership of their grades and homework, even if that means Bs or Cs. Talk to them about it, sure and get them help if they need it, but don't keep checking their homework portal to see if they've turned things in, etc. Middle school is where they learn to manage their work by trial and error. Grades don't really matter. Also teach them to talk to the teacher directly if they have an issue (ie, thought something was turned in, but they got a zero for it.) This is a vital life skill, and middle school is the best place to start using it. Don't step in, even if you're sure the teacher is wrong. Learning that sometimes they have to deal with fallible humans is good for them too.
I'm pleased we managed to do this with ours and it has paid off for all of us now that they're in high school. Instead of giving them a hard time for lower than expected grades in middle school, we were supportive and asked what they need and what they can do about it. Most kids around here will already feel less-than for lower grades. They feel the pressure to get As. They don't need their parents piling on.
Make sure they're getting exercise outside every day. Have them join at least one outside activity, maybe a couple. (sports, scouts, chorus etc) Social dynamics in middle school can get f'd up, and it's good for kids to have a completely separate social setting as a counter-balance.

+100

We did this too and year by year stepped more and more into the background and encouraged our kid to handle these things themselves. Once HS rolled around kid was self-sufficient and confident handling their own grades, situations, and teachers.

Completely agree with the pp above.
Middle school is when nothing counts so let the kids learn to sink or swim. No not drive the bus for them. We let our child flail at school during the pandemic, even had to tell our private school to let them sink (in 7th). This year almost straight A’s. Not quite there yet in terms of organization but making great strides.
We have been totally hands off on the academics and knew DC had to figure it out for themselves. Idea is to go into 9th in good shape.
Middle school counts for nothing. It is the time for them to grow and find their feet.

[Anonymous]

Agree with previous posters who emphasized focus on middle schoolers taking responsibility for their work, understanding content, advocating for themselves, etc.
However many will be taking credit bearing classes that will be reflected on their high school transcript. Poor results in middle school could shake their confidence that could impact academic performance and happiness in high school.
Pay attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is entering middle school. Academically good, is in GT courses, musically talented, has played piano for several years but not at the eleven of winning competitions, not interested in sports, inclined towards stem, Asian. Both immigrant parents with no insight into college admissions here.
What parents with little knowledge of the college process here. What advice would you give such a kid in terms of what he can do now in order to get into a good college?

You want to stand out as an Asian? Get your kid involved in sports. Not being facetious, at all.

Basically a ticket into most colleges, is to be good at a sport, if you are Asian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't think about college now. Help your student develop good study skills and find activities they love. Reassure them that their worth as human beings is not dependent on their accomplishments. Prioritize mental health. There's plenty of time in high school to worry about college.

+1

Kids don't need to hear about college all their lives. Good way for them to hate you, and hate their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^meant sophomore year in HIGH SCHOOL. Sorry.

I agree on the focus on other things, but you can’t block the discussion completely. At our public middle school, counselors already discuss college due to course selections - advanced courses in MS lead to advanced hs diploma. Parents should be aware of this.

I don't want to say you're wrong, but this might be a school/district specific issue as it's not true for FCPS. The advanced diploma is simply the number of verified credits a student must earn and those can all be compeleted in 4 years of high school. There is NO requirement for Honors, AP, IB, or DE classes for an advanced diploma, no starting in middle school, and a student can take all regular ed classes as still earn one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is entering middle school. Academically good, is in GT courses, musically talented, has played piano for several years but not at the eleven of winning competitions, not interested in sports, inclined towards stem, Asian. Both immigrant parents with no insight into college admissions here.
What parents with little knowledge of the college process here. What advice would you give such a kid in terms of what he can do now in order to get into a good college?

You want to stand out as an Asian? Get your kid involved in sports. Not being facetious, at all.

Basically a ticket into most colleges, is to be good at a sport, if you are Asian.

Not just any sport. The top athletes in my son's sport are Asian. The OP's child wouldn't stand out in fencing. Pick a sport that isn't an Asian-dominated one.

[Anonymous]

Depends what you mean by good college. For many Asian immigrants it is ideally Harvard but at least a top 20. You’d get the most effective advice on how to crack that nut by joining a board of Asian parents discussing college strategies.

You have time to figure it out but for now, there is one thing that you need to pay attention to. To be competitive for top stem colleges, in many school systems, FCPS in particular you have to be on the advanced math track which starts in MS so that you can finish HS at least with multivariate calculus.

Also, the poster advising participation in sports as a sure ticket to college doesn’t know what they are talking about. You have to be a very high level athlete to be recruited by college. Not going to happen for a kid not talented/interested in sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't think about college now. Help your student develop good study skills and find activities they love. Reassure them that their worth as human beings is not dependent on their accomplishments. Prioritize mental health. There's plenty of time in high school to worry about college.

+1

Kids don't need to hear about college all their lives. Good way for them to hate you, and hate their lives.

I think if you’re a remotely competent parent you can nudge your child in directions that might benefit them in college admissions without explicitly tying everything to college. If you’re not at all competent then you parent like a blunt instrument.