Retrospective advice for a middle schooler

[Anonymous]

DS is entering middle school. Academically good, is in GT courses, musically talented, has played piano for several years but not at the eleven of winning competitions, not interested in sports, inclined towards stem, Asian. Both immigrant parents with no insight into college admissions here.
What parents with little knowledge of the college process here. What advice would you give such a kid in terms of what he can do now in order to get into a good college?

[Anonymous]

Don't think about college now. Help your student develop good study skills and find activities they love. Reassure them that their worth as human beings is not dependent on their accomplishments. Prioritize mental health. There's plenty of time in high school to worry about college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is entering middle school. Academically good, is in GT courses, musically talented, has played piano for several years but not at the eleven of winning competitions, not interested in sports, inclined towards stem, Asian. Both immigrant parents with no insight into college admissions here.
What parents with little knowledge of the college process here. What advice would you give such a kid in terms of what he can do now in order to get into a good college?

Please, please, please, do not mention college before your child's sophomore year in college. Just don't! Encourage your kid to do what they want to do, what interests them. Childhood is to be enjoyed. Let them be excited about something or things. Do not ruin your child's childhood by pushing him or her to excel, and definitely not now, while they are growing and learning in middle school. Of course you want your child to be academically challenged, but that's so they enjoy school, not so they will get into a good college. And the definition of a "good" college is so subjective. My kids went to a college that accepts 70% of its applicants and had a great time and got a great education. They are doing extremely well now. I encouraged them to get prestigious internships, which they did, and those helped with grad school and jobs.

But wait, wait, wait for all of this, OP. Childhood is so short!!!!! Make it fun for your kid!!!!

[Anonymous]

^^meant sophomore year in HIGH SCHOOL. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^meant sophomore year in HIGH SCHOOL. Sorry.

I agree on the focus on other things, but you can’t block the discussion completely. At our public middle school, counselors already discuss college due to course selections - advanced courses in MS lead to advanced hs diploma. Parents should be aware of this.

[Anonymous]

Rell look ax. Enjoy watching your kid grow up. They don’t need to be stressed out about any of that now or in high school. They will be ok.

[Anonymous]

I'd agree about not pushing college, but perhaps consider introducing him to ECs that might make him stand out as an Asian male applicant down the road. Theatre, dance (tap, jazz, ballet), rugby (there are some DC area youth leagues), jazz music, cheer, poms, football, rowing (area opps here too), fencing, gymnastics, etc. Experiment outside the box of typical Asian male ECs (quiz bowl, robotics, debate, math/science team, tennis, golf).

[Anonymous]

More than pushing certain things for colleges, and I know this goes against conventional wisdom given his demographic, but nurture his love of STEM subjects if he already likes them. Going to Maryland, Virginia Tech, or a good school that’s not elite, is not the end of the world. I know so many people that went to my state flagship who didn’t get into elite colleges that are doctors or work in engineering/IT now and make great money.

[Anonymous]

Take care of your child’s mental health. I have one child who is in college and one who is a junior in high school and the #1 thing that has derailed the smart kids we knew from elementary and middle school is mental health issues. Anxiety, depression, cutting, eating disorders, you name it—along with self medicating for those issues with drugs and alcohol.

Be vigilant in making sure your child isn’t overwhelmed or too stressed out. Encourage your kids to excel academically but know when too much is too much. Say no if you think they are taking on more than they should academically, even if you are secretly anxious about them “getting behind.” They will feel peer pressure to bite off more than they can chew and it is your job to establish boundaries. Foster one or two genuine extracurricular interests and don’t push them to join every club and be involved in every activity. It’s too much a counterproductive anyway. Let them take art or theater or photography if they want to.

Remember, it’s a marathon not a sprint, and getting into college is not the finish line.

[Anonymous]

I had the most depressing Boy Scout meeting with a group of 6th graders yesterday. Only 1 of them had any idea of what he was looking forward to as a Scout. The others had been signed up by their parents because being an Eagle Scout looks good on college applications. They wanted to know how fast they could finish so they could quit.

I had to respect their candor, but it really was sad.

Please focus on finding things your kid enjoys, childhood is so short already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is entering middle school. Academically good, is in GT courses, musically talented, has played piano for several years but not at the eleven of winning competitions, not interested in sports, inclined towards stem, Asian. Both immigrant parents with no insight into college admissions here.
What parents with little knowledge of the college process here. What advice would you give such a kid in terms of what he can do now in order to get into a good college?

I'd recommend that he tell his parents to back off. While he can control whether he gets a good education, including at the undergraduate level, he can't control whether he's admitted to whatever you consider a "good college" to be. Pressuring a kid to achieve something he can't control is how you break him. Instead, nurture his interests.

[Anonymous]

This may help to reduce any anxiety you may have--lots of data to support just taking challenging classes and working hard and then seeing how things play out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This may help to reduce any anxiety you may have--lots of data to support just taking challenging classes and working hard and then seeing how things play out.

Oops, forgot the link

https://lesshighschoolstress.com/

[Anonymous]

Focus on getting as good grades as possible. Join a few extracurriculars he likes. That is it for now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't think about college now. Help your student develop good study skills and find activities they love. Reassure them that their worth as human beings is not dependent on their accomplishments. Prioritize mental health. There's plenty of time in high school to worry about college.

This and also to advocate for themselves. Teach them they need to approach teachers on missing homework/ grades, if a test went sideways teach them how to ask for help/input for improvement from the teacher. Teach them to help themselves.