Retrospective advice for a middle schooler

[Anonymous]

Focus on health and happiness, friendships, developing EQ, and work ethic outside of academics through chores and helping others as a family.

At school teach consequences by allowing them to fail if they drop the ball (otherwise you will end up carrying the ball for them when it counts later). Also teach them how to develop relationships with teachers. They should be talking to teachers even when they don't need help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is entering middle school. Academically good, is in GT courses, musically talented, has played piano for several years but not at the eleven of winning competitions, not interested in sports, inclined towards stem, Asian. Both immigrant parents with no insight into college admissions here.
What parents with little knowledge of the college process here. What advice would you give such a kid in terms of what he can do now in order to get into a good college?

You want to stand out as an Asian? Get your kid involved in sports. Not being facetious, at all.

Basically a ticket into most colleges, is to be good at a sport, if you are Asian.

Can you please elaborate on this? Are you talking about being a recruited athlete? Because what's the point if you're not? Does being an athlete still help you? Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is entering middle school. Academically good, is in GT courses, musically talented, has played piano for several years but not at the eleven of winning competitions, not interested in sports, inclined towards stem, Asian. Both immigrant parents with no insight into college admissions here.
What parents with little knowledge of the college process here. What advice would you give such a kid in terms of what he can do now in order to get into a good college?

You want to stand out as an Asian? Get your kid involved in sports. Not being facetious, at all.

Basically a ticket into most colleges, is to be good at a sport, if you are Asian.

Can you please elaborate on this? Are you talking about being a recruited athlete? Because what's the point if you're not? Does being an athlete still help you? Thanks.

DP. I think it helps as any other EC by demonstrating you can handle significant workload outside of schoolwork. However, if you read this board you’ll come across a lot of posts reporting deferred/rejected kids with high stats. Many of them have very significant sport ECs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is entering middle school. Academically good, is in GT courses, musically talented, has played piano for several years but not at the eleven of winning competitions, not interested in sports, inclined towards stem, Asian. Both immigrant parents with no insight into college admissions here.
What parents with little knowledge of the college process here. What advice would you give such a kid in terms of what he can do now in order to get into a good college?

You want to stand out as an Asian? Get your kid involved in sports. Not being facetious, at all.

Basically a ticket into most colleges, is to be good at a sport, if you are Asian.

Can you please elaborate on this? Are you talking about being a recruited athlete? Because what's the point if you're not? Does being an athlete still help you? Thanks.

Of course if you're recruited it will help. It helps anyone. Asian family friend at an FCPS HS has a daughter who was recruited to play volleyball and got in EA at Brown.

Moreover, playing a team sport will show that your Asian DC can work with others and is not an introverted grind.

That said, if your Asian DC is at the level of Chloe Kim, Eileen Gu, Tiger Woods, Nathan Chen then playing an individual sport will help DC get into HYPS (e.g., your kid is still a "grind", since it takes a lot of time and effort to play at this level, just not a stereotypical Asian grind and one that wins an Olympic medal or the Masters).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is entering middle school. Academically good, is in GT courses, musically talented, has played piano for several years but not at the eleven of winning competitions, not interested in sports, inclined towards stem, Asian. Both immigrant parents with no insight into college admissions here.
What parents with little knowledge of the college process here. What advice would you give such a kid in terms of what he can do now in order to get into a good college?

You want to stand out as an Asian? Get your kid involved in sports. Not being facetious, at all.

Basically a ticket into most colleges, is to be good at a sport, if you are Asian.

Can you please elaborate on this? Are you talking about being a recruited athlete? Because what's the point if you're not? Does being an athlete still help you? Thanks.

Of course if you're recruited it will help. It helps anyone. Asian family friend at an FCPS HS has a daughter who was recruited to play volleyball and got in EA at Brown.

Moreover, playing a team sport will show that your Asian DC can work with others and is not an introverted grind.

That said, if your Asian DC is at the level of Chloe Kim, Eileen Gu, Tiger Woods, Nathan Chen then playing an individual sport will help DC get into HYPS (e.g., your kid is still a "grind", since it takes a lot of time and effort to play at this level, just not a stereotypical Asian grind and one that wins an Olympic medal or the Masters).

I am the poster who asked the question. Yes, of course being a recruited athlete helps whether you're Asian or not. What I was asking was whether an Asian kid who won't have the ability/talent/whatever to be at the recruited athlete level is still advantaged by pursuing sports. (And understanding, you can be very good and achieve a lot at sports but still not be recruited athlete level). I guess what you are saying is that it does help by showing you are not a nerdy introvert. But that would be true of any EC that requires socialization and is not purely academic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is entering middle school. Academically good, is in GT courses, musically talented, has played piano for several years but not at the eleven of winning competitions, not interested in sports, inclined towards stem, Asian. Both immigrant parents with no insight into college admissions here.
What parents with little knowledge of the college process here. What advice would you give such a kid in terms of what he can do now in order to get into a good college?

You want to stand out as an Asian? Get your kid involved in sports. Not being facetious, at all.

Basically a ticket into most colleges, is to be good at a sport, if you are Asian.

Can you please elaborate on this? Are you talking about being a recruited athlete? Because what's the point if you're not? Does being an athlete still help you? Thanks.

Of course if you're recruited it will help. It helps anyone. Asian family friend at an FCPS HS has a daughter who was recruited to play volleyball and got in EA at Brown.

Moreover, playing a team sport will show that your Asian DC can work with others and is not an introverted grind.

That said, if your Asian DC is at the level of Chloe Kim, Eileen Gu, Tiger Woods, Nathan Chen then playing an individual sport will help DC get into HYPS (e.g., your kid is still a "grind", since it takes a lot of time and effort to play at this level, just not a stereotypical Asian grind and one that wins an Olympic medal or the Masters).

Nice work PP stereotyping Asians as introverted grinds.

[Anonymous]

Op here. DS has a development coordination disorder and while he does swim for fitness, he is not going to he an athlete.. He is however does like theatre and we can encourage him to pursue it more seriously. Would that be helpful to break the stereotype?
Thank you for the advice on teaching responsibility. No, we're not pushing for the Ivies or anything crazy like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. DS has a development coordination disorder and while he does swim for fitness, he is not going to he an athlete.. He is however does like theatre and we can encourage him to pursue it more seriously. Would that be helpful to break the stereotype?
Thank you for the advice on teaching responsibility. No, we're not pushing for the Ivies or anything crazy like that.

I think so. I am in theatre and am the poster who suggested it. Theatre could use more Asian participants (& guys usually) on and off stage. Acting would show communication skills, and tech roles can demonstrate working with others. Both would nurture creativity. There would certainly be the opportunity for an Asian male to stand out here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is entering middle school. Academically good, is in GT courses, musically talented, has played piano for several years but not at the eleven of winning competitions, not interested in sports, inclined towards stem, Asian. Both immigrant parents with no insight into college admissions here.
What parents with little knowledge of the college process here. What advice would you give such a kid in terms of what he can do now in order to get into a good college?

- Look at your finances. Earn and save as much possible. If your son stays on track, the range of schools where your son can go will depend more on you than him.

- If there are likely to be limits on what you’ll be able to spend, talk about that. If you earn $300,000 per year and own some property, and will only be able to spend $15,000 per year on college, because you’re bad at budgeting and you refuse to sell the property, make sure your son understands those constraints now. Don’t let him have an unrealistic image of the resources available.

- Understand that you steering your son toward the kinds of “Top 30” schools that will really care if your son is an athlete is pretty foolish. If your son wants to aim for those schools, OK. But you pushing your son toward those schools is like pushing him to be an astronaut, or a poet. Yes, astronauts exist. A few posts who earn a living from poetry might exist. But that sort of thing isn’t common enough to be part of a sensible life plan. Going to Harvard, or even Duke, isn’t really apart of a sensible life plan, either. It’s

- Recognize that most paths will lead to your state flagship or a similar school. Or, if you’re in Virginia or California, a state university other than the flagship. Stop thinking and talking in terms of “good colleges.” Talk about the “right college for you.” If, say, you’re in Virginia, don’t make fun of George Mason. Your son could end up going there.

- Given that your kid is an enthusiastic, hard-working kid, and is already earning good grades, just encourage your son to keep up the good work, have fun l arming, do what interests him, and avoid being a slave to the people in charge of college admissions at Harvard. If “it will look on your college application” gets him away from TikTok, that’s a good reason for him to think about college applications. But, if trying to read the minds of admissions people causes him to join the track time instead of being in theater, and he loves theater and hates track, that’s terrible. Any constructive activity he enjoys is the right one.

- If you’ll have lots of money, he’ll be able to waltz into all but about 40 private schools and 100 public schools without much fuss. He’ll probably have a 50 percent chance at half of the selective schools and 5 percent at the others, and there’s really nothing you can do to change the odds. Anything that seems logical will be done by too many people and make your kid look boring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These responses seem soooo odd. My daughter had to do an assignment about college admissions when she was in 4th grade. The teachers just had all the kids research a college they would like to go to and write a paragraph in it. You can’t not talk about it!

I talk to my kids all the time about colleges, but not in the sense that I’m pushing them to get into a good school. I talk about the value of a degree (which is a pretty complex topic), the cost benefit analysis of various schools, the student loan debt crisis, inequities in admissions, the misplaced emphasis on selectivity, the emotional toll of pushing kids into good schools, etc. We also watched that documentary about the college admissions scandal that Felicity Huffman and others were involved in.

I can’t imagine an academic environment where middle schoolers don’t have college in the back of their minds most of the time. I don’t think that interferes with childhood any more that rigorous writing instruction does.

OP have you read the book “The Self-Driven Child?” It’s so good, and I think you’ll find a lot of value in it.

x1000 OP, did either you or your spouse go to college? If you did, then was that here in the US or in your country of birth?

[Anonymous]

Neither of us went to college here. We are in Maryland.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. DS has a development coordination disorder and while he does swim for fitness, he is not going to he an athlete.. He is however does like theatre and we can encourage him to pursue it more seriously. Would that be helpful to break the stereotype?
Thank you for the advice on teaching responsibility. No, we're not pushing for the Ivies or anything crazy like that.

I wouldn't worry about stereotypes. Just encourage him to do whatever it is that he truly loves. If you're pursuing a passion, you're going to get really good at it effortlessly and will find a way to turn it into a livelihood or at least a lifelong love. If that's theater, great! If he doesn't end up pursuing it as a career, the skills he learns there will easily transfer to other pursuits.

[Anonymous]

Follow your interests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is entering middle school. Academically good, is in GT courses, musically talented, has played piano for several years but not at the eleven of winning competitions, not interested in sports, inclined towards stem, Asian. Both immigrant parents with no insight into college admissions here.
What parents with little knowledge of the college process here. What advice would you give such a kid in terms of what he can do now in order to get into a good college?

You want to stand out as an Asian? Get your kid involved in sports. Not being facetious, at all.

Basically a ticket into most colleges, is to be good at a sport, if you are Asian.

Can you please elaborate on this? Are you talking about being a recruited athlete? Because what's the point if you're not? Does being an athlete still help you? Thanks.

Of course if you're recruited it will help. It helps anyone. Asian family friend at an FCPS HS has a daughter who was recruited to play volleyball and got in EA at Brown.

Moreover, playing a team sport will show that your Asian DC can work with others and is not an introverted grind.

That said, if your Asian DC is at the level of Chloe Kim, Eileen Gu, Tiger Woods, Nathan Chen then playing an individual sport will help DC get into HYPS (e.g., your kid is still a "grind", since it takes a lot of time and effort to play at this level, just not a stereotypical Asian grind and one that wins an Olympic medal or the Masters).

Nice work PP stereotyping Asians as introverted grinds.

I didn't interpret this as PP stereotyping Asians. I interpreted it as advice offered to help hedge against admission officers' stereotypes. Which suck and and are incredibly unfair. But if that's what OP's DS is up against, it's good to have a plan.

I know that OP said their DS is not at the level of a recruited athlete, but for those who are, I do think race could play a positive role in certain situations. It's not going to push a non-recruited athlete into the recruited category. But when it comes down to deciding among top-level recruiting candidates, I think many schools/coaches are eager to build more diverse teams. Especially for sports like lacrosse, volleyball, and others that have not been diverse historically.

[Anonymous]

My Advice-- Appropriate rigor of coursework and know who you are. If they are taking courses that don't challenge them just to get As, that will be apparent to admission counselors.

My son took mostly honors, a total of 5 APs and no dual enrollment (low by NOVA standards). But it was the right path for him given his interests and his desire to lead a balanced life. His current GPA--3.9 UW/4.16 W. SAT-- 1450, but those stats kinda seems average when I read the posts here. Regardless, he identified 8 colleges he would be happy to attend and told his story. He had one main extracurricular (tennis) and has supported one local organization doing community service that he truly cared about. I'm sure his resume looks sparse compared to a lot of applicants these days, but I see him as more focused and true to himself.

As far as results---So far he has been accepted everywhere he applied, including NC State and Virginia Tech (both great fits for him), and he is waiting on W & M (a reach). He's incredibly grateful and happy to have so many good options.

I also have a daughter who is a freshman in high school. My son's advice to her as she was selecting her sophomore year classes last week-- enjoy High School-- it goes by FAST. That may mean different things to different students, but I thought it was the best brotherly advice he could have given. For her, that will likely mean more APs and dual enrollment coursework. But that fits her interests and goals.

Good luck to everyone navigating this process. It is a rollercoaster!!