Ramifications of marrying outside of your social class

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh and I grew up poor. We now have a seven figure income.

We don’t think anything is expensive. We like to eat all types of food.

Dh wears t shirts when he is home and comfortable. What else would he wear? He wears a lot of sports t shirts, some college t shirts, free shirts from work, conferences, wherever. It would be odd if he wasn’t wearing a t shirt.

Do you believe you are actually contributing to this conversation or are you just self-centered and stupid?

I think OP is picking on her DH.

We know plenty of rich guys who wear stupid t shirts.

We don’t eat frozen food often and don’t think it is healthy but we occasionally eat it. Who doesn’t? Whether you are rich or poor unless you have a chef.

I think the difference is that OP thinks she is better than her DH because she grew up UMC and her DH grew up LMC.

My kids are UMC and they wear t shirts too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

All of the lower MC/poor white trash drama that will pop up years later. Affairs, addictions, divorced, abuse. His dude of the family and his home town was rampant with it. He got out, went to a top university, looked and played the part when i met him, but at midlife resorted to the drinking and cheating and entitled BS he learned growing up. The woman he had the affair with was just as Jerry Springer and also wrapped in a package above her standing.

This post is stupid.

News flash: UMC families struggle with affairs, addictions, abuse, and divorce.

OP: The issue is not that he is LMC. It is that you think you are (much) better than he is simply because your parents had more money than his parents did.

My thoughts exactly. It’s bizarre how so many Americans think rich people are exempt from dysfunction.

[Anonymous]

For us, this issue comes up with food. I grew up not wealthy, but my mother was very well educated and so I was exposed to a lot of culture, including different types of food and cuisines, growing up. DH grew up in a small town, working class, in the midwest. I find his manners around unfamiliar foods to be undiplomatic and gauche. It's been a process. I don't want our children to adopt his behaviors. So far, I think I'm winning, but it's stressful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If his exposure to upper class people is you, I understand the chip on his shoulder.

Bwahahaha! This is why I come to dcum.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in an UMC family and DH in a LMC one. We have been married for 26 years.

On the whole, we have ironed out differences over time. Some of them have been

- He didn't understand why I cared so much about our kids attending LAC schools (he gets it now)
- His table (and other) manners are terrible and he doesn't get social niceties / standard social conventions and interactions
- He doesn't really understand dress clothing, LOL
- He has a chip on his shoulder about "rich people" but has softened a lot on that over the years (and periodically I remind him that he is UMC now so should mind his Ps and Qs, LOL)

[Anonymous]

I grew up UMC in DC and DH grew up solidly middle class in middle America. The differences aren’t so much about our values - they’re very similar - but cultural touchstones. I also had to teach him how to dress. Despite making six figures right out of school he had no awareness of dress clothes, getting fitted for a suit etc (he worked/works as a software engineer so it didn’t really matter for his career).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in an UMC family and DH in a LMC one. We have been married for 26 years.

On the whole, we have ironed out differences over time. Some of them have been

- He didn't understand why I cared so much about our kids attending LAC schools (he gets it now)
- His table (and other) manners are terrible and he doesn't get social niceties / standard social conventions and interactions
- He doesn't really understand dress clothing, LOL
- He has a chip on his shoulder about "rich people" but has softened a lot on that over the years (and periodically I remind him that he is UMC now so should mind his Ps and Qs, LOL)

Off topic perhaps but wondered about your preference for LAC schools...is this just about opening up professional opportunities for the kids later? I thought this meant "liberal arts college" but I think you're referring to "language across curriculum"...if so what was your position on this with your H?

[Anonymous]

I grew up LMC in a rich country and DH grew up upper class in a poor country. Downsides for me when visiting his home country are feeling weird with all the staff like 24-7 nannies even though the mom doesn’t work or do any house work. Having not much in common with most of the women (a few do work and l have an easier time talking to them). Feeling weird with all the cocaine and heavy drinking being expected and normal. Feeling weird that mistresses are expected and normal. Feeling weird with his cousins hitting on me. Feeling weird that if you walk anywhere it means you’re poor or a weird foreigner - l like to walk and explore. Ya it’s a lot. I guess it’s not just different social class but also a completely different culture that makes me feel like an alien when l visit.

You didn’t ask for upsides, there are some to compensate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up LMC in a rich country and DH grew up upper class in a poor country. Downsides for me when visiting his home country are feeling weird with all the staff like 24-7 nannies even though the mom doesn’t work or do any house work. Having not much in common with most of the women (a few do work and l have an easier time talking to them). Feeling weird with all the cocaine and heavy drinking being expected and normal. Feeling weird that mistresses are expected and normal. Feeling weird with his cousins hitting on me. Feeling weird that if you walk anywhere it means you’re poor or a weird foreigner - l like to walk and explore. Ya it’s a lot. I guess it’s not just different social class but also a completely different culture that makes me feel like an alien when l visit.

You didn’t ask for upsides, there are some to compensate.

Interesting. Where is this?

[Anonymous]

South America

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh and I grew up poor. We now have a seven figure income.

We don’t think anything is expensive. We like to eat all types of food.

Dh wears t shirts when he is home and comfortable. What else would he wear? He wears a lot of sports t shirts, some college t shirts, free shirts from work, conferences, wherever. It would be odd if he wasn’t wearing a t shirt.

Do you believe you are actually contributing to this conversation or are you just self-centered and stupid?

I think OP is picking on her DH.

We know plenty of rich guys who wear stupid t shirts.

We don’t eat frozen food often and don’t think it is healthy but we occasionally eat it. Who doesn’t? Whether you are rich or poor unless you have a chef.

I think the difference is that OP thinks she is better than her DH because she grew up UMC and her DH grew up LMC.

My kids are UMC and they wear t shirts too.

+1. OP is generalizing and not in an intelligent way. And some of the things she points out as flaws (thinking everything is $$ for example) point to a more careful mindset towards money management than some wealthy people have and that can be a good thing. Plenty of people on this forum complain about their spendthrift spouses.

[Anonymous]

Your question assumes UC or "UMC" is somehow "better." The jury's still out on that one.

[Anonymous]

Hate to break it to you but Wegmans is where rich people shop, frozen or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH grew up MC/LMC. I grew up UMC. We met in medical school and have an UMC salary right now.
The biggest issue that we have is that he expects me to know all of these unspoken “rules” and help him to social climb. But if I wanted to do that, I wouldn’t have married him!

Haha, good one.

[Anonymous]

It's usually a disaster and creates a lot of resentment, especially when the LC one needs to support relatives, the grandparents are unable to help grandchildren.