Guys on dating apps- are they just bad at keeping the conversation going?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a fit 40yo woman and have been told I'm attractive. I'm using the Bumble dating app and the women have to make the first move. Often, when I match with a guy, the guy will fail to ask me any questions or really make an effort to keep the conversation going.

Example:
Me: "Hi James! I like your style What brings you to DC, if you're just visiting?"
Him: "My job is based here. Thank you for the compliment (kiss face emoji)"

So they don't give much to go on. This happens a LOT. Am I supposed to keep trying and ask another question? Or just let it die?

Keep trying if you are still interested and ask more questions if there is still more you want to know. Let it die if not. Pandemic has me really craving old skool phone calls. In college, the Engineers tried to get me to dump my awesome boyfriend for a guy they said was a @$$h0l3 until they found out he was also an Engineer. Then it was "he's not good at expressing his feelings". To which I replied, "both have a pulse--one is good for expressing his feelings, the other isn''t good for anything. I should date the one who will walk on me and isn't good for anything?". How many married couples text other during dinner or bedroom activities? If you are interested, maybe get his number or zoom.

The guy will approach if interested.

[Anonymous]

I'm a real good conversationalist if they send me nudes. Otherwise, I just feel like I'm getting setup to pay for another free meal.

[Anonymous]

OP I'm 43 and also encounter this quite often. It is usually the men starting the interaction and if I'm interested I respond and ask a few questions about them. After about 5 responses from them (meaning I'm trying to learn about them) if they don't ask anything about me I leave the conversation. It's likely they don't have manners in person either so why bother.

I guess not everyone was taught that a conversation is a two-way street.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a real good conversationalist if they send me nudes. Otherwise, I just feel like I'm getting setup to pay for another free meal.

Please do us all a favor and just pay for a prostitute next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a real good conversationalist if they send me nudes. Otherwise, I just feel like I'm getting setup to pay for another free meal.

I dont send nudes to nasty old men sorry love.

[Anonymous]

I can't tell you how often I've wanted to write "Have you actually ever had another conversation, with a human, before?"

I do the same, I will ask a question or two but if I am getting closed ended replies I unmatch quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't tell you how often I've wanted to write "Have you actually ever had another conversation, with a human, before?"

I do the same, I will ask a question or two but if I am getting closed ended replies I unmatch quickly.

ME TOO!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you are on a dating app, guys on dating apps want 1 thing and 1 thing only.

So serious question- where/ how do people meet then?

[Anonymous]

Just use it as another screening tool. I used to get annoyed when guys would do this and after a while just sort of took it as a sign that we wouldn't be compatible and moved on to someone who could communicate. I agree with the PPs - if a guy is interested, they will keep in touch. My fiancé (who I met on Bumble) was great at conversation, asked me out for coffee within 3 days, and then kept in touch regularly between our first few dates. When he called me when I was out of town in between our 2nd and 3rd dates, I knew he was super interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you are on a dating app, guys on dating apps want 1 thing and 1 thing only.

So serious question- where/ how do people meet then?

Ignore the PP. They are likely quite old. There are plenty of people looking for long term love on swipe dating apps. My only two long term relationships began on Tinder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I'm 43 and also encounter this quite often. It is usually the men starting the interaction and if I'm interested I respond and ask a few questions about them. After about 5 responses from them (meaning I'm trying to learn about them) if they don't ask anything about me I leave the conversation. It's likely they don't have manners in person either so why bother.

I guess not everyone was taught that a conversation is a two-way street.

Just today Bumble sent me a message that said men who ask too many questions and don't answer many questions about themselves are suspect--potential scammers or predators.

[Anonymous]

I did meet one guy who didn’t ask questions and talked about himself a lot but he turned out to be really interesting eventually. But That’s the exception

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean you're on an app that's designed to let women take the lead and then you're surprised that men on the app want women to take the lead?

OP: Fair point. I am only on this particular app because I am able to do the "incognito" setting, in which no one can view my profile unless I swipe right on them first. I have to do this because of the nature of my job.

Does anyone know of any other dating apps that allow for this?

Match.com does this as well.

[Anonymous]

I'm a guy on the apps and I find that most women are bad at keeping the conversation going.

They expect me to do all the work, and they don't give me a lot to work with in their responses. (Terse / closed ended responses.)

Very often they take a long time to respond (if at all) which leaves me with the alternative of (a) keep saying stuff in the hopes of finally eliciting a response, or (b) just pull the plug. If I say something and the ball is in her court, and she doesn't say anything, eventually I'm just going to let it die.

Yeah, I get it that they are probably juggling many conversations at once but if she only gives short answers every two days I’m out.

[Anonymous]

I find Bumble to be a really bad concept. If I was a man and knew that girls would by default approach me, I would just sit and wait for the perfect one.