Guys on dating apps- are they just bad at keeping the conversation going?

[Anonymous]

I'm a fit 40yo woman and have been told I'm attractive. I'm using the Bumble dating app and the women have to make the first move. Often, when I match with a guy, the guy will fail to ask me any questions or really make an effort to keep the conversation going.

Example:
Me: "Hi James! I like your style What brings you to DC, if you're just visiting?"
Him: "My job is based here. Thank you for the compliment (kiss face emoji)"

So they don't give much to go on. This happens a LOT. Am I supposed to keep trying and ask another question? Or just let it die?

[Anonymous]

I have found the same thing… I try once or twice then give up

[Anonymous]

I mean you're on an app that's designed to let women take the lead and then you're surprised that men on the app want women to take the lead?

[Anonymous]

Yea, most men on dating apps are like that. I always just let it die.

I met my H on Bumble and he was great at keeping a conversation going because he was actually interested in *me*. Also asked me out quickly. I recommend bailing on the guys who don't put much effort and focusing on the few who do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean you're on an app that's designed to let women take the lead and then you're surprised that men on the app want women to take the lead?

OP: Fair point. I am only on this particular app because I am able to do the "incognito" setting, in which no one can view my profile unless I swipe right on them first. I have to do this because of the nature of my job.

Does anyone know of any other dating apps that allow for this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a fit 40yo woman and have been told I'm attractive. I'm using the Bumble dating app and the women have to make the first move. Often, when I match with a guy, the guy will fail to ask me any questions or really make an effort to keep the conversation going.

Example:
Me: "Hi James! I like your style What brings you to DC, if you're just visiting?"
Him: "My job is based here. Thank you for the compliment (kiss face emoji)"

So they don't give much to go on. This happens a LOT. Am I supposed to keep trying and ask another question? Or just let it die?

Keep trying if you are still interested and ask more questions if there is still more you want to know. Let it die if not. Pandemic has me really craving old skool phone calls. In college, the Engineers tried to get me to dump my awesome boyfriend for a guy they said was a @$$h0l3 until they found out he was also an Engineer. Then it was "he's not good at expressing his feelings". To which I replied, "both have a pulse--one is good for expressing his feelings, the other isn''t good for anything. I should date the one who will walk on me and isn't good for anything?". How many married couples text other during dinner or bedroom activities? If you are interested, maybe get his number or zoom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yea, most men on dating apps are like that. I always just let it die.

I met my H on Bumble and he was great at keeping a conversation going because he was actually interested in *me*. Also asked me out quickly. I recommend bailing on the guys who don't put much effort and focusing on the few who do.

I agree with this advice and would also add that guys who take long pauses to respond (e.g., days or hours later) are usually not that interested and only follow back up after something else has fallen through. During my dating app days, I recall getting flooded with interest or guys reemerging on Mondays, which obviously coincided with dates that didn't work out over the weekend, lol. Online dating sucks royally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean you're on an app that's designed to let women take the lead and then you're surprised that men on the app want women to take the lead?

OP: Fair point. I am only on this particular app because I am able to do the "incognito" setting, in which no one can view my profile unless I swipe right on them first. I have to do this because of the nature of my job.

Does anyone know of any other dating apps that allow for this?

OK Cupid at least used to let you do that, but it cost money.

I think the phenomena your describing is just a fact of life in online dating, rather than something gender specific. I definitely notice it with women I match with Texting is hard to do with someone you don't know. I'd try getting them to another medium (phone calls or video dates are options rather than just meeting) sooner rather than later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yea, most men on dating apps are like that. I always just let it die.

I met my H on Bumble and he was great at keeping a conversation going because he was actually interested in *me*. Also asked me out quickly. I recommend bailing on the guys who don't put much effort and focusing on the few who do.

I agree with this advice and would also add that guys who take long pauses to respond (e.g., days or hours later) are usually not that interested and only follow back up after something else has fallen through. During my dating app days, I recall getting flooded with interest or guys reemerging on Mondays, which obviously coincided with dates that didn't work out over the weekend, lol. Online dating sucks royally.

I actually really disagree with this sentiment. A few years back when I was using apps, I was not a quick responder to messages. It frequently took me the better part of a day, or a full day to respond to someone. I mean, this person is a stranger on the internet, why would I be dropping my entire life to respond to them on a dating app? I had plans on weekend, didn't like to open dating apps while at work, etc. and these men were absolutely not priority when I had not even met them. I also had my app notifications off as I didn't want Bumble alerts popping up during work meeting, on other dates, or out with friends. Was I interested in possibly meeting them? Sure. Yes. That is why I was on the app. But also strangers on the internet could wait until I was done with a winery outing, or tennis, or work, or happy hour, or whatever.

If dudes don't ask questions, give it a few messages and if they don't get better, drop them. I guarantee after you don't respond for a couple days, they'll pop back around with a question or two if they are interested.

[Anonymous]

In the last week I heard from a woman on Bumble I hadn't messaged in 4 years, and from another one I hadn't heard from since November.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the last week I heard from a woman on Bumble I hadn't messaged in 4 years, and from another one I hadn't heard from since November.

OP: do you keep the matches going for that long? I always unmatch after a week or two if the convo doesn't pick up, so we'd have no way of contacting each other.

[Anonymous]

They’re just not that into you

[Anonymous]

It's not you. They are lame/boring/bad conversationalists etc. Many guys on Apps are not really interested in meeting and making things happen.
Ask a few questions and give it a day or two. Then delete and move on.

[Anonymous]

you are on a dating app, guys on dating apps want 1 thing and 1 thing only.

[Anonymous]

You can learn a lot in a phone call.