Do you think most people in their 40s are unhappy?

[Anonymous]

Not unhappy, not happy, but our DD is a teen and worry we are guiding her right. Marriage seems in a good place, just wish I could quit a job that wears me out (DH is a GS14 so I’m breadwinner). Had kids late so have another decade till close to empty nest

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not unhappy, not happy, but our DD is a teen and worry we are guiding her right. Marriage seems in a good place, just wish I could quit a job that wears me out (DH is a GS14 so I’m breadwinner). Had kids late so have another decade till close to empty nest

GS14 is a good salary?

[Anonymous]

Yes. Men from about 40-55 are damaged, mortality-facing assholes. Around 55 they come to their senses (or their dicks stop working) and they are happy to be in a committed relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Men from about 40-55 are damaged, mortality-facing assholes. Around 55 they come to their senses (or their dicks stop working) and they are happy to be in a committed relationship.

Agreed. Midlife crisis. My ex was going through this while I was writing about how this was the easiest most fun time of my life. I don't understand it. We had made it work-wise, paid off the house almost, had many friends, kids were doing well. I don't understand midlife crisis. It's like they are finally done with the work and instead of coasting for 10 years and enjoying the fruits of their labor they self-sabotage.

[Anonymous]

Have you seen these paintings at the national gallery?

https://www.nga.gov/collection/highlights/cole-the-voyage-of-life-childhood.html

[Anonymous]

No. I'm 48, female, and my 40s have been glorious. It's not your age, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. I'm 48, female, and my 40s have been glorious. It's not your age, OP.

I should mention that my kid is grown and I am not married to his father anymore. Divorced at 31 and remarried at 41.

[Anonymous]

Check out the happiness U curve. Not everyone is unhappy, but for many people it's the lowest point of their happiness. Many things come together in your 40s - teenage kids, aging parents, facing your own mortality, facing the fact that what you have is, actually, your life. Plus, for the last two years we've had a pandemic going on, and it disrupted a lot of human connections.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because we stop living. We work and parent, work and parent. No fun, no adventures, no new friendships. It takes its toll.

I completely disagree and I’m sorry that’s been your experience.


I’m a single parent by choice and love traveling near and far with my kids. I’ve met great people in my new world of sport sidelines and bus stops. Yes, I work full time, but jumped off the partner track so I have amazing work/life balance. Yes, parenting is hard, but the joy is immeasurable.

I can say each decade of my life provides a stronger foundation how to more fully appreciate life.

[Anonymous]

No, i don’t think most people in their 40s are unhappy. I’m not.

[Anonymous]

Money changes everything.

[Anonymous]

I’m happy at almost 42. I have a big spread of kids: 12, 5 and 2. I’ll be parenting for many more years. Right now, I’m getting one kid off his computer game, the middle just took out art supplies and spilled the salt and the youngest is whining for food (DH went out for bagels).

It’s not easy. DH and I get very little time to ourselves. I’m constantly cleaning and multitasking, but we only work about 35 hours per week each. It’s a good life. Not perfect, but good.

[Anonymous]

I'm having a great time. But if everyone else is unhappy then that makes me feel even more fortunate and now I'm even happier! Yeehaw

[Anonymous]

I am - knock wood - happier so far in my 40s than I have been at other points in my life. We don't have kids, so I'm sure not having the pressures of parenting (especially during a pandemic) is part of it.

We're not like some others I see on DCUM. We're not millionaires. I just finished paying off my student loans last year and - it feels kind of pathetic - am still trying to find my place in the world. I thought I'd be successful in the arts at this age and I am still very much not. My spouse has a stable job - thank goodness. Not millionaires, like I said, but we have the means to eat whatever we want, when we want, and have an overall comfortable day to day life. I worry a lot about money (my spouse never does).

My parents' health is a major concern, and we live far from both our parents. So it's not like we are immune from those pressures and stresses. They are very much part of our lives.

We married in our late 30s and I think being in a happy stable relationship is the main thing. We live in a nice place. Our day to day lives aren't exciting per se - we aren't jetting off to exciting places every weekend; we haven't been on a real trip in a few years mostly because of the pandemic but also my spouse doesn't have much interest - but it's nice. Also not to say that our relationship is without problems!

I don't know. I guess whatever the ups and downs, my 40s have been good so far. I was a lot more depressed and anxious in my 20s and 30s.

[Anonymous]

I think the 40s are a pretty big turning point for a lot of people - if you are financially secure and settled, you may start to notice cracks in other parts of your life. If you haven’t accomplished what you think you “should” have, you may feel as though you’ll never catch up… I do think many people go through some sort of identity crisis around their 40s - which could be triggered by all sorts of things. How people deal with that is the true test.

For me personally - happily married, young kids, financially secure, happy in my professional life - I LOVE my 40s. I finally feel like I have the time and energy to focus on things I love and to be really engaged with my kids and husband. I think a huge part of this is just letting go of what other people think and all the “should”s in my life. I feel totally confident in being who I am now, and am absolutely loving it.

BUT I did go through a bit of a crisis point at the beginning of my 40s when I felt really overwhelmed by the pressures of being a working mom with young kids and not having enough time to be a full person. I did some therapy and worked on some tools to push through.