Spouse is work too much, but the sex is good. Advice please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Imagine he earned 150k, and you worked fulltime, and you were both too exhausted to have sex every day, or even every week, after both working all day plus sharing child responsibilities. That is the majority of married people's lives, if they are so lucky one earns 150k. Could be 100k or much less. For the few SAHMs, most don't get hot sex every day. Please, please, cherish what you have woman!! Now, to your question, it sounds like DH might enjoy time with you if it's very kid free time. See if you can book a local staycation for 2 nights somewhere, maybe Old Town or Baltimore, and reconnect 1 on 1.

+1 OP has no idea how lucky she is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dumbest esol troll post ever

Surgeons never work 7 days a week constantly. Everyone knows that.

Not OP, but mine does so do many other. Especially if they weren’t born into family wealth, they have to hustle too like the everyone else that wants to generate wealth. Many surgeons work at more than one hospital and will moonlight off weekends at another facility.

I have a similar life OP. All in all, as people have pointed out, these are small complaints and many people would trade their problems for yours.

So I’ll say this, I find as my DH gets older now and isn’t the youngest/newest, his workload has improved. Now that he is mid career, he will pass on some of the longer and more complicated cases to more junior partners. This doesn’t really translate to a day off, but it does mean he is come for dinner more often, can sometimes pick the kids up for school, and is generally around more. It still is a lot manage everything solo, but just know you have it better than the vast majority of people and hire out when you feel stretched too thin. In non covid times I would take the kids to hospital for lunch with him on days off school. Also, living very close to hospital helps a ton too. Mine can stop home between cases or clinic for lunch or to help kids with homework then head back in.

[Anonymous]

Easy. No sex until he can show up as a dad and husband more.

He’ll threaten to get it elsewhere. Let him threaten, then show him exactly what he’ll lose in a divorce. That alone will shock him into complying.

- former SAHM who got a nice, fat payout after divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Easy. No sex until he can show up as a dad and husband more.

He’ll threaten to get it elsewhere. Let him threaten, then show him exactly what he’ll lose in a divorce. That alone will shock him into complying.

- former SAHM who got a nice, fat payout after divorce

Stupid. Unless her DH is a self employed plastic surgeon or took a second job, he likely has little control over his actual workload. He is probably hospital employed and the hospital schedules his surgeries and clinics. Often 3 or 4 pm cases can go very late. He can’t just say sorry, not working after 5 ever. The hospital wants him to be highly “productive” because that makes the hospital a lot of money. If he isn’t, 1) he will be paid a lot less for lack of productivity/billing 2) they can replace him with a younger surgeon that will work more hours for less money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Easy. No sex until he can show up as a dad and husband more.

He’ll threaten to get it elsewhere. Let him threaten, then show him exactly what he’ll lose in a divorce. That alone will shock him into complying.

- former SAHM who got a nice, fat payout after divorce

Despite the troll post, if he’s an absent person for you and the children and you don’t like that, just divorce. He’ll pay child support and maybe even alimony for awhile if you can prove you were the main primary parent. He’ll hire some drivers and nannies for the kids during his custody time, or just hand that all over to you and ask to see then when convenient for himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dumbest esol troll post ever

Surgeons never work 7 days a week constantly. Everyone knows that.

I've know surgeons who were at the hospital 7 days a week. That doesn't mean they are in surgery 7 days a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Easy. No sex until he can show up as a dad and husband more.

He’ll threaten to get it elsewhere. Let him threaten, then show him exactly what he’ll lose in a divorce. That alone will shock him into complying.

- former SAHM who got a nice, fat payout after divorce

Men need to read threads like this before getting married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine he earned 150k, and you worked fulltime, and you were both too exhausted to have sex every day, or even every week, after both working all day plus sharing child responsibilities. That is the majority of married people's lives, if they are so lucky one earns 150k. Could be 100k or much less. For the few SAHMs, most don't get hot sex every day. Please, please, cherish what you have woman!! Now, to your question, it sounds like DH might enjoy time with you if it's very kid free time. See if you can book a local staycation for 2 nights somewhere, maybe Old Town or Baltimore, and reconnect 1 on 1.

+1 OP has no idea how lucky she is

I don't think it's lucky to have a husband who takes no interest in his family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dumbest esol troll post ever

Surgeons never work 7 days a week constantly. Everyone knows that.

I've know surgeons who were at the hospital 7 days a week. That doesn't mean they are in surgery 7 days a week.

Yeah you do it so you can take a 1-2 week vacation so stack your schedule. No one stacks their schedule 24/7/365. Not even residents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Easy. No sex until he can show up as a dad and husband more.

He’ll threaten to get it elsewhere. Let him threaten, then show him exactly what he’ll lose in a divorce. That alone will shock him into complying.

- former SAHM who got a nice, fat payout after divorce

Men need to read threads like this before getting married.

Agree. Self select out if you’re not marriage or family material.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine he earned 150k, and you worked fulltime, and you were both too exhausted to have sex every day, or even every week, after both working all day plus sharing child responsibilities. That is the majority of married people's lives, if they are so lucky one earns 150k. Could be 100k or much less. For the few SAHMs, most don't get hot sex every day. Please, please, cherish what you have woman!! Now, to your question, it sounds like DH might enjoy time with you if it's very kid free time. See if you can book a local staycation for 2 nights somewhere, maybe Old Town or Baltimore, and reconnect 1 on 1.

+1 OP has no idea how lucky she is

I don't think it's lucky to have a husband who takes no interest in his family

Eh, plenty of women are married to low or average earning men who are around a lot, but take little interest in family.

At least hers is funding private school education and their college of choice, plus whatever else they need. And really, you have no idea if his work hours are self imposed or hospital dictated. Being at work and making money for your family and their future IS taking interest in your family, in least in some ways.

[Anonymous]

I’m calling BS on the OP. I work in a hospital and no surgeon works 7 days a week, not even residents. It would be dangerous to have someone who’s not at 100% be responsible for operating on patients.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dumbest esol troll post ever

Surgeons never work 7 days a week constantly. Everyone knows that.

I've know surgeons who were at the hospital 7 days a week. That doesn't mean they are in surgery 7 days a week.

Yeah you do it so you can take a 1-2 week vacation so stack your schedule. No one stacks their schedule 24/7/365. Not even residents.

Well, no one does who works in a hospital where there are residents. But if you go to a community hospital or a rural hospital, people do. What do you think you do if you are one of two surgeons in a town of 20,000? You and your partner both work during the weekdays, and you take turns taking emergencies overnight. You aren’t there 24/7, but you are there for some time every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m calling BS on the OP. I work in a hospital and no surgeon works 7 days a week, not even residents. It would be dangerous to have someone who’s not at 100% be responsible for operating on patients.

Residents have specific work hours restrictions and aren’t allowed to be there more than 80 hours/wk and are required to have 4 days off every month. I’m a psychiatrist, and our residents aren’t allowed to be on call for their own outpatients 24/7. We had to create call pools so that they could do effective DBT.
Attendings have no hours restrictions (or oversight). The OP’s husband is free to ignore his family and go troll around the ED looking for people with abdominal pain every day if he wants to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m calling BS on the OP. I work in a hospital and no surgeon works 7 days a week, not even residents. It would be dangerous to have someone who’s not at 100% be responsible for operating on patients.

Married to one. And yes some do.