Spouse is work too much, but the sex is good. Advice please.

[Anonymous]

It might not be surgery every day, but trust me there is always more work in academic medicine if you're looking for it ie. research, resident education, committees. The question is why does he value this additional often voluntary work over time with his family. It could be a Type A personality coupled with the constant need to prove himself. I can see how this would be hurtful. No advice on how to address it since it's probably a deeply embedded personality trait. Therapy?

[Anonymous]

OP is he an immigrant or first generation in his family to be wealthy/professionally successful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll, right?

DP. You’re the worst. The people that yell troll on every thread are cringe worthy...

[Anonymous]

It could be worse. You could have had the workaholic without the income or the sex.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

Thank you for this perspective:
“I have a similar life OP. All in all, as people have pointed out, these are small complaints and many people would trade their problems for yours.”

This comment articulates what I am driving at:
“It might not be surgery every day, but trust me there is always more work in academic medicine if you're looking for it ie. research, resident education, committees. The question is why does he value this additional often voluntary work over time with his family. It could be a Type A personality coupled with the constant need to prove himself. I can see how this would be hurtful. No advice on how to address it since it's probably a deeply embedded personality trait. Therapy?”

Thank you for this comment:
“It could be worse. You could have had the workaholic without the income or the sex.”

To answer a PP, yes, DH is an immigrant and the first in his family to be professionally successful.

I will not withhold sex and I do not want to pursue divorce. I want more family time with him, not more drama.

Thank you for the feedback. I will work on making the best of a very good situation. Cheers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Thank you for this perspective:
“I have a similar life OP. All in all, as people have pointed out, these are small complaints and many people would trade their problems for yours.”

This comment articulates what I am driving at:
“It might not be surgery every day, but trust me there is always more work in academic medicine if you're looking for it ie. research, resident education, committees. The question is why does he value this additional often voluntary work over time with his family. It could be a Type A personality coupled with the constant need to prove himself. I can see how this would be hurtful. No advice on how to address it since it's probably a deeply embedded personality trait. Therapy?”

Thank you for this comment:
“It could be worse. You could have had the workaholic without the income or the sex.”

To answer a PP, yes, DH is an immigrant and the first in his family to be professionally successful.

I will not withhold sex and I do not want to pursue divorce. I want more family time with him, not more drama.

Thank you for the feedback. I will work on making the best of a very good situation. Cheers.

Just know you're not alone. I know some of the comments on here are invalidating, but lots of med spouses feel similarly. I like what a PP said about having weekly rituals like Friday movie night or maybe Saturday morning hike. I think people like your spouse need concrete goals they can "succeed" at.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Just know you're not alone. I know some of the comments on here are invalidating, but lots of med spouses feel similarly. I like what a PP said about having weekly rituals like Friday movie night or maybe Saturday morning hike. I think people like your spouse need concrete goals they can "succeed" at.

OP here.

Thank you for your kind words. It means a lot to me. I agree with you and the PP who suggested concrete family goals and rituals.