Why does this guy ignore me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question, OP. If you were a regular who wasn’t “generally attractive,” would you think you were less entitled to this man’s attention?

I don’t think I’m entitled to anyone’s attention, but I think it’s odd to blankly stare at someone you see on the daily when they say hello to you. I guess I just wonder what his issue is with me that he doesn’t have with other people, men and women, who he interacts with. It comes off as rude and maybe this makes me insecure, also a little hurtful. When I started working out over a year ago I was dealing with a lot of body image stuff and an eating disorder, so this just stings a little, and I can’t explain why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you do like him. Otherwise this would not bother you.

I definitely do not like him, he isn’t my type. Since it’s anonymous, I guess the way I see it now is like a weird egotistical challenge to figure out why I can’t even get this guy, who I’ve seen pretty much daily for over a year, to just respond in any way. (I’m not throwing myself at him, don’t get that idea. But once a week or so we end up on equipment next to each other and I put my hand up in a wave and smile and then carry on. He just stares at me like I’m an idiot.)

So why don’t you actually say hello? Because if you did all this and then didn’t actually speak to me, I’d think you were weird. Or rather I’d think “She wants me to talk/smile/acknowledge her and I’m not going to give her the satisfaction.”


Or maybe he was really overweight before and now he has lost weight, when he was overweight, you didn’t give him the time of day and now he’s paying you back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so petty but it’s bothering me, so I’m coming to you all for opinions.

I consider myself to be a generally attractive, fit, woman in my early-30s. I’m a bit of a “gym rat” and I’m friendly with the “regulars”, both male and female, exchanging platonic camaraderie. Mostly everyone just waves or exchanges simple acknowledgments, occasionally brief small talk. There is one man who is around my age who never acknowledges me. I will smile and wave, or say hello, but he will always just stare at me with blank eyes and keep walking. I’ve seen him talking with other regulars, so I know it’s not just that he keeps to himself or anything like that.

I don’t know why this rejection bothers me so much. I’m not interested in him or anything like that, I’m friendly with everyone, but his blatant rebuffing baffles me. Why won’t he acknowledge me at all? It’s the strangest thing. It’s weird every time I see him and I don’t know if I should just ignore him?

He does not want to make friends and thinks you are interested in him romantically. He wants to shut that down. Just ignore him from now on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you do like him. Otherwise this would not bother you.

I definitely do not like him, he isn’t my type. Since it’s anonymous, I guess the way I see it now is like a weird egotistical challenge to figure out why I can’t even get this guy, who I’ve seen pretty much daily for over a year, to just respond in any way. (I’m not throwing myself at him, don’t get that idea. But once a week or so we end up on equipment next to each other and I put my hand up in a wave and smile and then carry on. He just stares at me like I’m an idiot.)

You have a whole host of problems if this is bothering you.

You’re probably right. I’m really trying to work on myself. I thought I was doing better, but I’m so hung up on this!

I do appreciate everyone’s honesty. This is helping me see maybe it’s benign and not about me at all, while totally being all about me, if that makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question, OP. If you were a regular who wasn’t “generally attractive,” would you think you were less entitled to this man’s attention?

I don’t think I’m entitled to anyone’s attention, but I think it’s odd to blankly stare at someone you see on the daily when they say hello to you. I guess I just wonder what his issue is with me that he doesn’t have with other people, men and women, who he interacts with. It comes off as rude and maybe this makes me insecure, also a little hurtful. When I started working out over a year ago I was dealing with a lot of body image stuff and an eating disorder, so this just stings a little, and I can’t explain why.

But what does you being “generally attractive” have to do with it? Would you interpret his behavior any differently if you weren’t “generally attractive”? You are the one who decided to include that in your post so presumably you felt it was relevant to the situation.

[Anonymous]

^ wait I missed it. You have said hello. So why don’t you introduce yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question, OP. If you were a regular who wasn’t “generally attractive,” would you think you were less entitled to this man’s attention?

I don’t think I’m entitled to anyone’s attention, but I think it’s odd to blankly stare at someone you see on the daily when they say hello to you. I guess I just wonder what his issue is with me that he doesn’t have with other people, men and women, who he interacts with. It comes off as rude and maybe this makes me insecure, also a little hurtful. When I started working out over a year ago I was dealing with a lot of body image stuff and an eating disorder, so this just stings a little, and I can’t explain why.

But what does you being “generally attractive” have to do with it? Would you interpret his behavior any differently if you weren’t “generally attractive”? You are the one who decided to include that in your post so presumably you felt it was relevant to the situation.

I just figured someone would ask if I was ugly, so I was covering all bases. Not smoking hot, not a dog, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ wait I missed it. You have said hello. So why don’t you introduce yourself?

He doesn’t even say hello back, why would I keep talking? That would be weirder than his blank stare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you do like him. Otherwise this would not bother you.

I definitely do not like him, he isn’t my type. Since it’s anonymous, I guess the way I see it now is like a weird egotistical challenge to figure out why I can’t even get this guy, who I’ve seen pretty much daily for over a year, to just respond in any way. (I’m not throwing myself at him, don’t get that idea. But once a week or so we end up on equipment next to each other and I put my hand up in a wave and smile and then carry on. He just stares at me like I’m an idiot.)

So why don’t you actually say hello? Because if you did all this and then didn’t actually speak to me, I’d think you were weird. Or rather I’d think “She wants me to talk/smile/acknowledge her and I’m not going to give her the satisfaction.”


Or maybe he was really overweight before and now he has lost weight, when he was overweight, you didn’t give him the time of day and now he’s paying you back.

I think you hit the nail on the head. It feels exactly like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you do like him. Otherwise this would not bother you.

I definitely do not like him, he isn’t my type. Since it’s anonymous, I guess the way I see it now is like a weird egotistical challenge to figure out why I can’t even get this guy, who I’ve seen pretty much daily for over a year, to just respond in any way. (I’m not throwing myself at him, don’t get that idea. But once a week or so we end up on equipment next to each other and I put my hand up in a wave and smile and then carry on. He just stares at me like I’m an idiot.)

So why don’t you actually say hello? Because if you did all this and then didn’t actually speak to me, I’d think you were weird. Or rather I’d think “She wants me to talk/smile/acknowledge her and I’m not going to give her the satisfaction.”


Or maybe he was really overweight before and now he has lost weight, when he was overweight, you didn’t give him the time of day and now he’s paying you back.

I think you hit the nail on the head. It feels exactly like this.

That’s the sense I get too. Let him win and ignore him back.

[Anonymous]

Stop trying. You're an attractive woman at a gym and he seems to purposely be avoiding interacting with you. Maybe he initially or currently is involved in a relationship and is trying to avoid even the implication that he is showing interest in an attractive woman at the gym. Maybe he's had troubles with being too friendly at the gym with attractive women or women in general and is just trying to avoid getting into trouble. Maybe he's found that attractive women distract him and destroy his concentration or routine and he is just trying to keep focused and not get distracted.

Whatever the reason, he's shown that he has no interest in interacting with you. Since you are there to work out and not to meet guys, just accept that he's not interested in even being casually acquainted with you and just move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question, OP. If you were a regular who wasn’t “generally attractive,” would you think you were less entitled to this man’s attention?

I don’t think I’m entitled to anyone’s attention, but I think it’s odd to blankly stare at someone you see on the daily when they say hello to you. I guess I just wonder what his issue is with me that he doesn’t have with other people, men and women, who he interacts with. It comes off as rude and maybe this makes me insecure, also a little hurtful. When I started working out over a year ago I was dealing with a lot of body image stuff and an eating disorder, so this just stings a little, and I can’t explain why.

But what does you being “generally attractive” have to do with it? Would you interpret his behavior any differently if you weren’t “generally attractive”? You are the one who decided to include that in your post so presumably you felt it was relevant to the situation.

I just figured someone would ask if I was ugly, so I was covering all bases. Not smoking hot, not a dog, either.

I don’t buy that. I think you have some pretty deep insecurities about your appearance (and your worth as a person) and this guy ignoring you is causing them to go into overdrive because you’re questioning your attractiveness and therefore your worth as a person.

[Anonymous]

Are there any reasons there may have been talk about you in the men’s locker room?

[Anonymous]

Maybe he said hi to you a long time ago but you didn't notice and he thought you were ignoring him so now he ignores you to be petty. Or, he's seen some other interaction between you and someone else that made him decide he doesn't like you. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Leave this man alone; he clearly does not want to talk to you. God knows why. Not your business.