Not being at home for a long period of time is not "abandonment"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:HA! Ask my ex-husband about that. I sued for constructive abandonment after about 40 days. I got sole primary custody of the kids. I got the house. I got child support. This was in Virginia.

How did your ex-husband leave? Was it agreed upon or did he just leave with no intention of returning?

He took a job in another city about an hour and a half from us. He said he was going to live there and we would visit on weekends. That was beyond not ok with me. So, I gave him a couple of weeks to change his mind. When he took the job anyway, I immediately called my attorney. He phucked around and found out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you a lawyer? Because I think most people bring up abandonment in that context they are talking about that in a legal sense as something that has consequences in future proceedings not in an emotional sense. And you seem focused on arguing about the semantics around the word from an emotional perspective

Well written!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Per the other thread's post, the OP is asking how to bring up the issue of taking a month break from the marriage. This means she (or he) is not ABANDONING the house or marriage. Again, if the other spouse is okay with it, it's not abandonment. I used my scenario because technically from a "taking care of the house and kid" situation it's the same. One parent leaves the house for X weeks and leaves one parent at home with a kid to take care of.

In the end, the only way it's deemed abandonment is if the OP in the other thread DOES NOT PLAN ON RETURNING AND LEAVES WITHOUT NOTICE!!!

People want to skip over this very important statement.

What is the legal standard for intent? Maybe you could say that in OP’s heart and mind they thought returning was a possibility if they decided to stay, but would it objectively look like there was no intent to come back? Is a court going to buy a “well there was a chance I’d come back so I didn’t intend to leave permanently.” What if it OP’s spouse had no inkling of what OP’s plans were?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:HA! Ask my ex-husband about that. I sued for constructive abandonment after about 40 days. I got sole primary custody of the kids. I got the house. I got child support. This was in Virginia.

VA takes leaving a spouse and child seriously. You leave, be prepared to pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it sad and pathetic that people can't be away for 30, 60, etc days without somebody categorizing it as "abandonment" whether it is for the courts or not.

Right before my friend's nervous breakdown she said, I wish I had an addiction so I could just go away for 30 days. Sometimes life is too much or relationships become hostile and a break is necessary and good.

People on here will cry "grow up" or "grow a pair" but I really wish people would take 30 days to work on themselves and come back better and stronger than be their normal miserable, broken self.

Your friend should seek help with mental health issues. This is not a normal case. Normal people don’t abandon their families.

[Anonymous]

Who made you the arbiter of what feels like abandonment and what doesnt?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Per the other thread's post, the OP is asking how to bring up the issue of taking a month break from the marriage. This means she (or he) is not ABANDONING the house or marriage. Again, if the other spouse is okay with it, it's not abandonment. I used my scenario because technically from a "taking care of the house and kid" situation it's the same. One parent leaves the house for X weeks and leaves one parent at home with a kid to take care of.

In the end, the only way it's deemed abandonment is if the OP in the other thread DOES NOT PLAN ON RETURNING AND LEAVES WITHOUT NOTICE!!!

People want to skip over this very important statement.

Are you on the spectrum, OP? I just wonder because you seem to be obsessing over a small, literal point instead of understanding what everyone is saying.

Please stop writing in capitals. It does not draw attention to your words — the opposite.

[Anonymous]

I've had to take several overseas assignments that my DW did not like. She refused to come on them. She tried to say I abandoned her and our children. It didn't fly with the judge. Military and similarly deployments are not abandonment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it sad and pathetic that people can't be away for 30, 60, etc days without somebody categorizing it as "abandonment" whether it is for the courts or not.

Right before my friend's nervous breakdown she said, I wish I had an addiction so I could just go away for 30 days. Sometimes life is too much or relationships become hostile and a break is necessary and good.

People on here will cry "grow up" or "grow a pair" but I really wish people would take 30 days to work on themselves and come back better and stronger than be their normal miserable, broken self.

It’s fine if you have a spouse who agrees to take care of the home and your child while you’re gone. It’s fine to vacation separately. What’s not fine is to make the decision for yourself without thinking about the impact and implicit to the family. It’s not fine to just ditch things because they suck, rather than dealing with them.

And as for your friend, she could have gone away. Did she ask? FWIW, People with addictions don’t really go away willingly, and it’s not exactly a party to be away - they go away because it’s usually at the point of a life and death situation. They go away broken so they can come back better.

I agree that a break can be good, but OP uses to use their words and communicate that. Also, a break should not mean just dumpling your family responsibilities on the other parent - there should be equitable share of the work of parenting while on that break. It’s not just about the parent, it’s about the family.

This. As with many things in life, doing it with your spouses consent is fine, doing it without their consent is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Only matters in the legal sense and once lawyers are involved.

Probably can get a reasonable judge to see the temp custody arrangement and move out for a variety of reasons as Ok and not abandonment.

But once the He said, She said krap starts, all truths and made-up narratives get equal weight. And you’ll end up with boiler plate outcomes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:HA! Ask my ex-husband about that. I sued for constructive abandonment after about 40 days. I got sole primary custody of the kids. I got the house. I got child support. This was in Virginia.

How did your ex-husband leave? Was it agreed upon or did he just leave with no intention of returning?

He took a job in another city about an hour and a half from us. He said he was going to live there and we would visit on weekends. That was beyond not ok with me. So, I gave him a couple of weeks to change his mind. When he took the job anyway, I immediately called my attorney. He phucked around and found out.

Wtf. HE should visit on the weekends. It was his unilateral decision to change jobs to one so far away.

What’s the plan for reuniting?

How strong was the marriage and relationship before he moved for a job? Maybe this is his passive way of making you file for divorce.

[Anonymous]

I'm not even a SAHM, but a working spouse leaving a SAHM for a month is insane. When will she ever get a break? It's inconsiderate and rude AF. It doesn't matter if taking care of the kids is her job. It's not supposed to be her job alone 24/7!

Also, that man should know that if they divorce, he'll have to be taking care of the kids by himself every other week. He'll see how easy it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Per the other thread's post, the OP is asking how to bring up the issue of taking a month break from the marriage. This means she (or he) is not ABANDONING the house or marriage. Again, if the other spouse is okay with it, it's not abandonment. I used my scenario because technically from a "taking care of the house and kid" situation it's the same. One parent leaves the house for X weeks and leaves one parent at home with a kid to take care of.

In the end, the only way it's deemed abandonment is if the OP in the other thread DOES NOT PLAN ON RETURNING AND LEAVES WITHOUT NOTICE!!!

People want to skip over this very important statement.

Are you on the spectrum, OP? I just wonder because you seem to be obsessing over a small, literal point instead of understanding what everyone is saying.

Please stop writing in capitals. It does not draw attention to your words — the opposite.

No he's just a man who can't admit he misunderstood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not even a SAHM, but a working spouse leaving a SAHM for a month is insane. When will she ever get a break? It's inconsiderate and rude AF. It doesn't matter if taking care of the kids is her job. It's not supposed to be her job alone 24/7!

Also, that man should know that if they divorce, he'll have to be taking care of the kids by himself every other week. He'll see how easy it is.

When would the SAHM get a break? From the thread the kid is 9-10 years old. School is 8-9am to 3-4pm. That's at least six hours. As a SAHM what are you doing for six hours a day five days a week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not even a SAHM, but a working spouse leaving a SAHM for a month is insane. When will she ever get a break? It's inconsiderate and rude AF. It doesn't matter if taking care of the kids is her job. It's not supposed to be her job alone 24/7!

Also, that man should know that if they divorce, he'll have to be taking care of the kids by himself every other week. He'll see how easy it is.

When would the SAHM get a break? From the thread the kid is 9-10 years old. School is 8-9am to 3-4pm. That's at least six hours. As a SAHM what are you doing for six hours a day five days a week?

This again? 🙄