Relationship with someone you’re not initially physically attracted to

[Anonymous]

I’m OP. Have a friend of a friend I’m increasingly running in circles with- never paid much attention to him before, but as we see each other more, I’ve noticed how much we have in common and genuinely kind he is- so I’m just noticing him more. He’s not ugly, just not my type, but wondering if maybe I have been too superficial in the past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was not attracted to my first husband, but I wanted to get married. It got to the point that intimacy felt rapey. I just couldn’t do it anymore.

How wonderful of you to put another human being through that.

[Anonymous]

I'm a man. I can get more attracted over time if she gives good sex, and doesn't make too much trouble otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Biggest attraction of my life did not start as an attraction. It was 100% psychological.

Are you a woman or man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m OP. Have a friend of a friend I’m increasingly running in circles with- never paid much attention to him before, but as we see each other more, I’ve noticed how much we have in common and genuinely kind he is- so I’m just noticing him more. He’s not ugly, just not my type, but wondering if maybe I have been too superficial in the past.

I did this. Have now been very happily married for 12 years. DH fits every single thing I’m looking for except for looks, and in the end, that one factor wasn’t worth throwing everything else away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m OP. Have a friend of a friend I’m increasingly running in circles with- never paid much attention to him before, but as we see each other more, I’ve noticed how much we have in common and genuinely kind he is- so I’m just noticing him more. He’s not ugly, just not my type, but wondering if maybe I have been too superficial in the past.

I did this. Have now been very happily married for 12 years. DH fits every single thing I’m looking for except for looks, and in the end, that one factor wasn’t worth throwing everything else away.

Does your DH know you don't find him physically attractive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m OP. Have a friend of a friend I’m increasingly running in circles with- never paid much attention to him before, but as we see each other more, I’ve noticed how much we have in common and genuinely kind he is- so I’m just noticing him more. He’s not ugly, just not my type, but wondering if maybe I have been too superficial in the past.

And let me guess you're 30 something and desperate for the ring and babies.

Don't use this man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Biggest attraction of my life did not start as an attraction. It was 100% psychological.

Are you a woman or man?

Woman. I would not recommend it as a strategy and the circumstances were unusual, we became close emotionally for 2 years before anything physical happened. But when it did, holy hell, no going back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m OP. Have a friend of a friend I’m increasingly running in circles with- never paid much attention to him before, but as we see each other more, I’ve noticed how much we have in common and genuinely kind he is- so I’m just noticing him more. He’s not ugly, just not my type, but wondering if maybe I have been too superficial in the past.

And let me guess you're 30 something and desperate for the ring and babies.

Don't use this man.

In fairness I don’t think that women in this headspace realize that they are using the man until it is far too late then they are unhappily married. Life is not on a deadline for men the way it is for women and it distorts your thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m OP. Have a friend of a friend I’m increasingly running in circles with- never paid much attention to him before, but as we see each other more, I’ve noticed how much we have in common and genuinely kind he is- so I’m just noticing him more. He’s not ugly, just not my type, but wondering if maybe I have been too superficial in the past.

And let me guess you're 30 something and desperate for the ring and babies.

Don't use this man.

Negative. One and done, and never getting married again.

[Anonymous]

I would say absolutely. Kevin Love is my physical type: tall, dark, handsome, amazing body, but I can be attracted to men that don't at all resemble him. For me attraction is based so much on personality, that I don't necessarily have a physical type.

[Anonymous]

I wasn't attracted at first, but when I got to know him he became very attractive. 14 years into marriage and I'm still attracted to him.

I didn't actually start dating him until I was attracted. I don't think it's a good idea to invest time in an actual relationship if there isn't at least some spark.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m OP. Have a friend of a friend I’m increasingly running in circles with- never paid much attention to him before, but as we see each other more, I’ve noticed how much we have in common and genuinely kind he is- so I’m just noticing him more. He’s not ugly, just not my type, but wondering if maybe I have been too superficial in the past.

And let me guess you're 30 something and desperate for the ring and babies.

Don't use this man.

Negative. One and done, and never getting married again.

So what's the point? What's your goal here? Just want male attention?
You do know you can have male friends right? Seems like a good situation for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m OP. Have a friend of a friend I’m increasingly running in circles with- never paid much attention to him before, but as we see each other more, I’ve noticed how much we have in common and genuinely kind he is- so I’m just noticing him more. He’s not ugly, just not my type, but wondering if maybe I have been too superficial in the past.

And let me guess you're 30 something and desperate for the ring and babies.

Don't use this man.

In fairness I don’t think that women in this headspace realize that they are using the man until it is far too late then they are unhappily married. Life is not on a deadline for men the way it is for women and it distorts your thinking.

I'm a woman. So I actually think they do know they are using them at the time but they convince themselves it's okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m OP. Have a friend of a friend I’m increasingly running in circles with- never paid much attention to him before, but as we see each other more, I’ve noticed how much we have in common and genuinely kind he is- so I’m just noticing him more. He’s not ugly, just not my type, but wondering if maybe I have been too superficial in the past.

I did this. Have now been very happily married for 12 years. DH fits every single thing I’m looking for except for looks, and in the end, that one factor wasn’t worth throwing everything else away.

Does your DH know you don't find him physically attractive?

NP… typically, men don’t get more attractive over the years… they get pudgier, balder, more wrinkly, etc.

Foregoing a man’s attractiveness if they fit all the other criteria is not the dumbest choice in the world I think.