Did I handle this wrong?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if you were nice about it and there really wasn't room in the fridge, that all sounds reasonable. If you were sighing and moaning and groaning about it, I could understand her being offended, or if you disassembled it more than necessary to get the dip out and it looked bad.

But I also think bringing something large that needs refrigeration is a bad move on her part--if the kids like fruit, it would have been better for her to bring a small thing of berries, or applesauce pouches, or clementines, or bananas, or....lots of other things!

OP here. I think we both could have handled ourselves better. When it arrived I couldn’t believe the size. I sort of looked around my kitchen, which had zero counter space, to the table which was already set, and admittedly did sigh a little. Then MIL kept on about how we had to get it in the fridge. DH tried to clear space before we just settled on the garage because it was cold in there. We did sort of make it look less like a wreath (it was assembled like a wreath) by removing the yogurt, which she was adamant needed refrigerating. I was probably noticeably annoyed.

If you were visibly annoyed, then, yes, you did handle it wrong. Hosts are supposed to be gracious, even when faced with unexpected situations. This is not always easy, because hosting is stressful enough, but that is the goal.
I also think your MIL handled it wrong, but she's not the one here asking.
If I were you, I would apologize for your annoyance and blame it on the stress or being tired, or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Why couldn't you just set the fruit plate out for everyone to go on and eat? No refrigerator needed?

[Anonymous]

You did nothing wrong, but:

1) Why didn’t you ask DH to handle it? Anytime your ILs literally hand you a problem, LITERALLY HAND IT TO DH.

2) Why didn’t you just put the whole platter in the garage? The very first thought I had when I started reading your problem was, “I’m so lucky to have a garage for stuff like that.” Then I realized—you did have a garage.

There was no reason not to leave the whole thing assembled (taking it apart was a bit much) and serve it from even a TV tray off to the side, or a coffee table, or heck even a chair set in the corner of the dining room. I don’t care how small your house is—you can’t tell me there wasn’t room on some surface to set the darn thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who is still talking about a fruit platter the next day needs to get a life. Your husband should’ve kept the report from today’s coffee with his sister to himself. You didn’t need to hear all that.

And SIL didn't even need to share this valuable fruit tidbit with the DH. She should have shut this shit down with her own mother be responding, "Really, Mom?"

[Anonymous]

If you have a house large enough to have a garage, you have enough space somewhere to set a fruit platter. Maybe not enough room in the kitchen, maybe not enough room in the dining room, but come on. A bar cart, a coffee table, two TV trays, a low bookshelf.

You didn’t have to make this your problem. “Thank you, Barbara! I’m finishing a few things, so please ask Steve to help you find a place to put that.” You have a husband: use him. Or you should have just told her, “Go ahead and set that out wherever you can make space. SIL, can you help MIL set that up somewhere for your kids?”

I’m sitting here thinking up 90 solutions for this in 90 seconds, none of which involved you so much as touching the platter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both sound high maintenance. I don’t think a small house requires food to be pared down, which sounds like what you were doing by managing expectations. You have a garage, so I don’t think your space is really that small. You also sound resentful that you had to host (for once).

It’s fine if you’re going to troll a post, but at least make sense. It’s ridiculous to claim that one could host 7 people the exact same way in a 1000sf apartment as they could in a larger home. That’s ridiculous.

They have a garage. They don’t have an apartment!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if you were nice about it and there really wasn't room in the fridge, that all sounds reasonable. If you were sighing and moaning and groaning about it, I could understand her being offended, or if you disassembled it more than necessary to get the dip out and it looked bad.

But I also think bringing something large that needs refrigeration is a bad move on her part--if the kids like fruit, it would have been better for her to bring a small thing of berries, or applesauce pouches, or clementines, or bananas, or....lots of other things!

OP here. I think we both could have handled ourselves better. When it arrived I couldn’t believe the size. I sort of looked around my kitchen, which had zero counter space, to the table which was already set, and admittedly did sigh a little. Then MIL kept on about how we had to get it in the fridge. DH tried to clear space before we just settled on the garage because it was cold in there. We did sort of make it look less like a wreath (it was assembled like a wreath) by removing the yogurt, which she was adamant needed refrigerating. I was probably noticeably annoyed.

I have a small kitchen and my MIL’a pull that kind of stupid sh*t all the time. Your MIL is a moron.

[Anonymous]

I mean, you had plenty of reason to be annoyed, but you didn’t have to “handle it” at all, and by that I mean you never even had to touch it. You should have left it to your husband and his mother to figure out. The best thing you can do is let someone fall on his or her own sword, and after about 5 minutes, it would have been your husband exasperatedly asking his mom, “Mom, you know we have been worried about space—why’d you bring this huge thing?!”

[Anonymous]

Total di*k move on MIL’s part. Are the children going to faint if they don’t have fruit for one meal? And are children going to eat a giant platter anyway? Ignore her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who is still talking about a fruit platter the next day needs to get a life. Your husband should’ve kept the report from today’s coffee with his sister to himself. You didn’t need to hear all that.

And SIL didn't even need to share this valuable fruit tidbit with the DH. She should have shut this shit down with her own mother be responding, "Really, Mom?"

Clearly that apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, you had plenty of reason to be annoyed, but you didn’t have to “handle it” at all, and by that I mean you never even had to touch it. You should have left it to your husband and his mother to figure out. The best thing you can do is let someone fall on his or her own sword, and after about 5 minutes, it would have been your husband exasperatedly asking his mom, “Mom, you know we have been worried about space—why’d you bring this huge thing?!”

This is the truth. This is called wisdom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think if you were nice about it and there really wasn't room in the fridge, that all sounds reasonable. If you were sighing and moaning and groaning about it, I could understand her being offended, or if you disassembled it more than necessary to get the dip out and it looked bad.

But I also think bringing something large that needs refrigeration is a bad move on her part--if the kids like fruit, it would have been better for her to bring a small thing of berries, or applesauce pouches, or clementines, or bananas, or....lots of other things!

Are you sure you weren't doing this, OP? Even slightly? If so then your MIL probably called it right. I agree that the SIL could have made a better choice by bringing everything in stackable containers but maybe she thought you would like a pretty display? Try to take the more charitable perspective and you'll feel better about all of this. I am pretty sure she didn't do it to piss you off because most people don't do stuff like that. Take the high road.

[Anonymous]

I would have been annoyed at MIL, and my husband would have made annoyed remarks as well. What an idiot.

[Anonymous]

I hope this will turn into a funny story you can share each year.

[Anonymous]

OP your MIL was being unkind. This is even more obvious when SIL has then had coffee to discuss this really minor issue. Only difference is MIL is being smart about it, bring a really large platter when host says there is no room but she looks nice for bringing something. You get justifiably annoyed and you look bad.

I would let the issue go. It's such a minor non issue, don't give it oxygen. If your DH says anything just say 'oh I had forgotten about that, wasn't that days ago'.

You know your MIL is going to try to set you up so she can later whinge about your to your DH and cause trouble. So next time she presents you with a problem just deflect. Say you are busy and call your DH over to handle it. That way he is annoyed with the constant problems she manifests. I bet those pesky little problems stop really quickly.

You know your MIL's game, so start learning to side step her. As others said, you never needed to even touch the platter and I bet MIL was smirking in the background as you were getting flustered. Just side step her every move.