Did I handle this wrong?

[Anonymous]

I’ll try to make this as concise as possible. Here goes!

We hosted a small gathering this year. We don’t typically host, our house is small so ILs always host. Because they are in the middle of some kitchen remediations, we offered to host them and in-town BIL and SIL and their three kids for dinner. We let everyone know that while we were more than happy to host, because of space constraints, it wouldn’t be the same spread ILs offer, but we’d make the most of it; small would be better than nothing at all, which was the alternative.

We cooked a smaller spread but everything was nice. We even had special offerings that were catered towards the children. We let ILs know ahead of time what would be on the menu, to let SIL know in case she wanted to bring something additional for her one picky child. ILs asked what to bring, we told them a dessert would be nice, and thought all was well.

ILs show up and MIL has this large sale platter of fruit with yogurt dip, and requests we refrigerate it, it’s for SILs kids, because they like fruit with each meal. Short on space, we sort of disassembled the thing so we could put the dip in the fridge, and then put the covered fruit in our unheated garage to stay cold, letting SIL know where everything was so she could prepare it for her kids if needed, also letting the room know, if they wished to have fruit. I’ll admit, I was kind of annoyed to have to deal with the thing, especially considering I was already stressed trying to make a nice dinner for DH family in our small house.

Well, this upset MIL who called ME unappreciative and rude for “attacking” her with my anger as we “ruined” her fruit platter by leaving it in the garage and taking it apart. DH tried his best to talk her down, but she’s still really upset about it, according to SIL who DH had coffee with this AM. Did I handle this wrong?

[Anonymous]

Was your fridge full to capacity?

You did say SIL could bring something for her kids, in this case MIL did it.

I think MIL is overreacting and is just mad she couldn’t host like normal. Let DH handle it and ignore.

[Anonymous]

*large SCALE, not sale

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was your fridge full to capacity?

You did say SIL could bring something for her kids, in this case MIL did it.

I think MIL is overreacting and is just mad she couldn’t host like normal. Let DH handle it and ignore.

We wouldn’t have had room for the platter, which was giant. Like 2’ long. I wasn’t anticipating something that scale.

[Anonymous]

I think if you were nice about it and there really wasn't room in the fridge, that all sounds reasonable. If you were sighing and moaning and groaning about it, I could understand her being offended, or if you disassembled it more than necessary to get the dip out and it looked bad.

But I also think bringing something large that needs refrigeration is a bad move on her part--if the kids like fruit, it would have been better for her to bring a small thing of berries, or applesauce pouches, or clementines, or bananas, or....lots of other things!

[Anonymous]

Your husband has to tell her off for being ungrateful to hosts who were short on space. Next year, refuse to host and just stay home to enjoy a stress-free Christmas. They can do their own stupid things.

The nerve of some people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think if you were nice about it and there really wasn't room in the fridge, that all sounds reasonable. If you were sighing and moaning and groaning about it, I could understand her being offended, or if you disassembled it more than necessary to get the dip out and it looked bad.

But I also think bringing something large that needs refrigeration is a bad move on her part--if the kids like fruit, it would have been better for her to bring a small thing of berries, or applesauce pouches, or clementines, or bananas, or....lots of other things!

Hmm - sounds like deliberate meddling on MIL's part. The smaller the house, the larger the platter, if you catch my drift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think if you were nice about it and there really wasn't room in the fridge, that all sounds reasonable. If you were sighing and moaning and groaning about it, I could understand her being offended, or if you disassembled it more than necessary to get the dip out and it looked bad.

But I also think bringing something large that needs refrigeration is a bad move on her part--if the kids like fruit, it would have been better for her to bring a small thing of berries, or applesauce pouches, or clementines, or bananas, or....lots of other things!

OP here. I think we both could have handled ourselves better. When it arrived I couldn’t believe the size. I sort of looked around my kitchen, which had zero counter space, to the table which was already set, and admittedly did sigh a little. Then MIL kept on about how we had to get it in the fridge. DH tried to clear space before we just settled on the garage because it was cold in there. We did sort of make it look less like a wreath (it was assembled like a wreath) by removing the yogurt, which she was adamant needed refrigerating. I was probably noticeably annoyed.

[Anonymous]

You both sound high maintenance. I don’t think a small house requires food to be pared down, which sounds like what you were doing by managing expectations. You have a garage, so I don’t think your space is really that small. You also sound resentful that you had to host (for once).

[Anonymous]

Yeah, you handled it fine. The garage (in colder climates) is the best walk-in fridge. Your MIL sounds a bit unhinged. Let her son manage her and her need for perfect fruit platters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You both sound high maintenance. I don’t think a small house requires food to be pared down, which sounds like what you were doing by managing expectations. You have a garage, so I don’t think your space is really that small. You also sound resentful that you had to host (for once).

It’s fine if you’re going to troll a post, but at least make sense. It’s ridiculous to claim that one could host 7 people the exact same way in a 1000sf apartment as they could in a larger home. That’s ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anyone who is still talking about a fruit platter the next day needs to get a life. Your husband should’ve kept the report from today’s coffee with his sister to himself. You didn’t need to hear all that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if you were nice about it and there really wasn't room in the fridge, that all sounds reasonable. If you were sighing and moaning and groaning about it, I could understand her being offended, or if you disassembled it more than necessary to get the dip out and it looked bad.

But I also think bringing something large that needs refrigeration is a bad move on her part--if the kids like fruit, it would have been better for her to bring a small thing of berries, or applesauce pouches, or clementines, or bananas, or....lots of other things!

OP here. I think we both could have handled ourselves better. When it arrived I couldn’t believe the size. I sort of looked around my kitchen, which had zero counter space, to the table which was already set, and admittedly did sigh a little. Then MIL kept on about how we had to get it in the fridge. DH tried to clear space before we just settled on the garage because it was cold in there. We did sort of make it look less like a wreath (it was assembled like a wreath) by removing the yogurt, which she was adamant needed refrigerating. I was probably noticeably annoyed.

So you should have pointed mil to the refrigerator and let her have a go at it. Stand your ground. She needs to get over herself.

[Anonymous]

Fruit platters? Let me guess 75% git throw out! Lol

[Anonymous]

DH needs to let this go for a week and then call his mom. If she is still hung up over the fruit tray, he needs to tell her she is being ridiculous.

My guess is she was disappointed she couldn’t host, got all caught up in this dumb fruit tray making her grandkid’s day and then realized no one gets that excited about grapes and pineapple.

I do think it also sounds like you could have done a better job of grinning and bearing it, but I am assuming you were stressed out by hosting. Only you can decide if your level of annoyance is worth an apology to your MIL.