What was my mom’s goal with this text?

[Anonymous]

OP - her goal is unimportant

because no good will come to you by thinking about this

I think once you read enough to know it's a rant, you don't read further. She's torn up her reasonable-parent-card.

Only respond, only bring into your life, reasonable thoughts, reasonable discussion.

[Anonymous]

Tell mom a conversation is when two people talk and listen to each other. Then say "oops thought I was deleting but forwarded to everyone on my contact list."

[Anonymous]

I really appreciate you posting this OP and the responses because my mom does this too. I have learned to just ignore it and not engage though it does upset me. No good comes from even defending myself.

[Anonymous]

Are you positive she sent it? Maybe your sister got a hold of her phone.

[Anonymous]

In my world, a text like that could mean a few different things including but not limited to one or more of the following: A) She has BPD or some other disorder/mental illness and her perspective isn’t quite the same as you’d expect or hope. B) Your sister just gave her some sob story and she hopes that if you start being nice to your sister, she’ll be happier, then mom can be happier. C) Your mom is an alcoholic and threw her drunk rage at you. She wasn’t sober enough to realize she could delete it before she sent it. D) She’s scheming about some mommy fantasy that requires you two to get along. She wants you all together for Christmas or she’s planning a girls trip or something, and it’s more fun for her if you’re both happy (except you but you’re so much better at suffering in silence than your sister).

Regardless of why, she knew it was inappropriate or she wouldn't have asked you to delete it. My BPD mom knows not to put anything in writing. Be happy your mom isn’t a pro.

[Anonymous]

I would not grace her with a response. I also would put them BOTH on the back burner for awhile and avoid. Both of them have terrible communication skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my world, a text like that could mean a few different things including but not limited to one or more of the following: A) She has BPD or some other disorder/mental illness and her perspective isn’t quite the same as you’d expect or hope. B) Your sister just gave her some sob story and she hopes that if you start being nice to your sister, she’ll be happier, then mom can be happier. C) Your mom is an alcoholic and threw her drunk rage at you. She wasn’t sober enough to realize she could delete it before she sent it. D) She’s scheming about some mommy fantasy that requires you two to get along. She wants you all together for Christmas or she’s planning a girls trip or something, and it’s more fun for her if you’re both happy (except you but you’re so much better at suffering in silence than your sister).

Regardless of why, she knew it was inappropriate or she wouldn't have asked you to delete it. My BPD mom knows not to put anything in writing. Be happy your mom isn’t a pro.

This. However when I used to defend myself my mother would say I was trying to "triangulate" her into the conflict. I just stopped defending or explaining and she kept inserting herself and playing favorites and taking my sister's side. Besides friendships and dating relationships, my sister has had other family relationships go up in flames and mom always blames the other. They have a strange enmeshment with eachother, yet they don't even get along. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Her goal is to make you think you are a nasty biatch who should be begging her sister to forgive her, not vice versa.
Why? Bcs you are hers and your sister’s scapegoat and they are bullies. Every bully is a victim in their own eyes. They truly think that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she regretted what she wrote.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You tell her you will not delete it or forget it happened because she doesn’t get to take back what she said, just like your sister doesn’t get to take back the words she said about your child. Remind her that people are absolutely always able to express opinions, but they also have to be prepared to accept the reactions of others when those opinions are hurtful.

This. Call her out on trying to keep you silent.

Or say absolutely nothing and save the text.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she regretted what she wrote.

+1

I have a family like this, they 100% do not regret. They are just afraid another family member who knows what they are like (maybe the dad) will see the text and go baltistic because the texter has been warned about this behavior before.

I had a mother who would insult me in private constantly, but would never do so in front of my dad or brother. It's their way of keeping control over you and hiding the behavior from others.

[Anonymous]

When my mom does it, it is all about control. Giving a reaction feeds it. Ignore, keep my boundaries and satay calm in interactions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she regretted what she wrote.

+1

I have a family like this, they 100% do not regret. They are just afraid another family member who knows what they are like (maybe the dad) will see the text and go baltistic because the texter has been warned about this behavior before.

I had a mother who would insult me in private constantly, but would never do so in front of my dad or brother. It's their way of keeping control over you and hiding the behavior from others.

Ug that's horrible.

[Anonymous]

Your mom wants everyone to get along and be fine and hang out without issue and she is willing to overlook bad behavior but also talk about people behind their backs (even if it's true/fair), but because she wants so badly for things to be fine she says dumb stuff like "pretend I never said this."

It's a classic Mom move.

Her motivations are pure, but it's Kida toxic. Moms!

[Anonymous]

Ignore the text. Delete it if it is bothering you to look at it but only because of that. You don’t need the text as proof of anything. Your mom feels caught in the middle and is likely trying to make peace in her own way even though she’s going about it the wrong way.

My sister and I didn’t speak regularly for a couple of years over something with our kids. My mother would do similar and then my dad would call and say things like he’s accepted he will never be able to have family functions again but we are killing our mother and maybe we can make up at her funeral someday. I ignored all of that.

My sister and I ended up working through some of it and it’s been years now. I can’t say my parents helped. They often made it worse.

Good luck. These family situations are not easy and sometimes a cooling off period is really for the best.