Woman here, would my salary be “good” or “bad” for me in the dating market

[Anonymous]

OP, I think it's pretty sad that people are dumping all over you on this thread. Not sure why people think it's "punching up" to make fun of a woman who has been successful, but it doesn't reflect well on them. It's a totally reasonable question.

There's research showing that in households where women out-earn men, both the men and the women are more likely to misreport their earnings on surveys in ways that make the men look relatively more successful. So it clearly bothers some people who are in committed relationships enough to lie to random strangers who survey them.

https://www.census.gov/library/stories/2018/07/wives-earning-more-than-husbands.html

I'm a man whose wife earns more than he does and it doesn't bother me at all, so we do exist. I have other sources of social status though, and my income is still pretty decent. I could imagine it being more of an issue if I really didn't have anything going on, or if I felt like my career was failing.

But would you really be dating someone like that?

[Anonymous]

It won’t make it harder to date. It will make it harder to once married, stay married. That’s what the research says.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dumb convo among dumb people

+1

[Anonymous]

Another one not sure why everyone is dumping on OP. I don’t know the answer, but I think pp’s analysis of fine for dating, problem for marriage is probably right.

More importantly, what is the problem with “margs”??

[Anonymous]

i don't know why a potential date would know your salary. they might be able to guess, but they may be wrong.

[Anonymous]

If you are willing to date down in terms of $ and status then no issue. If not the pool is very limited if you are high income. Issue is less women like dating down then men. Which causes a shortage of eligible high status men, since the men or more willing to date/marry lower status women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Do you think a woman making $300k+ is a catch or an issue to most men in the DMV? Talking general population here, do men want women they can out earn?

Yes, most men want women they can out earn. When a woman out earns a man the relationship is often more challenging. When the couple has kids, since the woman is the breadwinner, she can't stay home to raise the kids (Having a parent stay home to raise kids is very common with high income households). Most men aren't comfortable being stay at home dads.

In any case, dating outside of your income level is more challenging as is dating outside of your social class.

[Anonymous]

I like the idea of being with a woman who makes a good income, one of the reasons I’m afraid to marry is I know guys paying massive alimony. But in practice I’m not sure it would work out if we wanted kids. I make around the same as OP and it would definitely be nice to double my HHI. It’s hard to know how it would turn out because I’ve always massively out earned all the women I’ve dated.

[Anonymous]

Men who are intimidated by succesful women aren't the kind of men you want to date anyway.

My brother supported his wife going back to school and made sacrifices when she was offered her dream job. Because he's not insecure.

[Anonymous]

I think it works out good. The woman who wrote about Leaning In at work, her DH died and now she is married to a hottie. So I think your money will get you hotties too.

[Anonymous]

It will get you young hotties.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t think men cared much about a woman’s income or net worth. I thought the focus was on attractive, sex positive women.

But anyone who uses the terms margs and convo may have issues on the dating market.

[Anonymous]

OP - not drinking “margs” but rather coffee and I asked my husband the same question. He said that of course men would be lining up at the door to date me. Which is so not true, but whether he is saying it to make me feel good, or because he really believes it - it’s why I think we’ll make it long term.

[Anonymous]

No one really cares, at least in the DC area among professional men. Much ado about nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think most men under forty consider career success and money a plus in women. Over forty I’m not so sure.

There's a lot of truth to this although I'd up the age divide to 50.

Previous generations had stereotypes of the gold diggers and it was because the cultural norm was for a woman to be provided for by a higher paying spouse, even if she did work.

The world is very different today. Most high achieving men look for high achieving women, not housewives.