Please be kind. Need thoughts. Was I wrong?

[Anonymous]

Keep saying no and see what happens.

It sounds like he "retired" at 51 with some idea of starting a business of his own, but that business isn't actually making money and he's not otherwise financially secure enough to support himself, much less the both of you. Because that's where you need to be in order to buy a 6 figure boat.

Therapy is probably very good for you. Make sure you mention his emotional reaction to you expressing financial concerns.

And get a financial planner.

[Anonymous]

This guy is a moron. First, you never sell a boat back for what you bought it for, unless you are (a) a very astute buyer, and (b) excellent at doing your own maintenance. Otherwise, you will hemorrhage money on maintenance, and probably overpay in the first place.

Second, he needs to make the money first. If he can do it, he should do it.

Third, the PP is right. He is trying to manipulate you by saying you are being nasty. Tell him, "You want to see nasty? Fine, I am done with you." He sounds like a tool.

[Anonymous]

Can he buy a used boat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he wants the boat, he needs to pay for it. If he can do that, then have fun with the boat!

He's being unreasonable and based on your initial post, sounds unlikely to change without therapy. I'd consider divorce. Your interests are too divergent and you sound like disgruntled roommates instead of married partners. I'm sorry you are going through this.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep saying no and see what happens.

It sounds like he "retired" at 51 with some idea of starting a business of his own, but that business isn't actually making money and he's not otherwise financially secure enough to support himself, much less the both of you. Because that's where you need to be in order to buy a 6 figure boat.

Therapy is probably very good for you. Make sure you mention his emotional reaction to you expressing financial concerns.

And get a financial planner.

Does anyone else watch the show "You're the Worst"? Just tell him "sleepy b*itches don't get boats!" (and meet with that financial planner)

[Anonymous]

Is he having some kind of breakdown?

[Anonymous]

What's positive about being married to him?

[Anonymous]

Okay, I'm a guy and I think your husband is being a selfish a$$.

First, retirement is an important goal. Being able to retire after a long life of working and doing so at a reasonable age is not some life of luxury. Heck, he was able to retire at age 51 and do what he wanted, which was open a non-profit-making business based on his desires and not on family need.

So, you need to tell him that you were not being nasty. You were pointing out that you have been so supportive of his retiring at age 51 and being able to pursue his dreams. You are still working to support the family. He gets to choose between his dream business that does not make a profit or his dream of owning a boat. He doesn't get to have both of those dreams at the expense of your dream to retire at a reasonable age. If he wants the boat, then he needs to figure out how to make his business profitable to the point of being able to support his luxuries, like a boat. If he can't do that with his business, then he needs to find a second job or admit that his business is not profitable enough to support his desired life-style and then close the business and reenter the work force at a salary that will support his luxuries. He can choose one or the other, the business or the luxuries, but he doesn't get to spend your retirement funds and have you work to exhaustion to support both his business and his luxuries.

Then you need to just change your withholding so that the extra money goes into retirement at the maximum level allowed. At your age, you should be able to contribute higher amounts towards retirement savings and you should do so. If the money is not in the accounts, he can't spend it.

[Anonymous]

I went and read you old post. You don't want to lose the man you love, but honestly, it doesn't look like he loves you. He has all the decision making in the family? Sounds weird. He isn't a compromising sort of guy -- so you do all the compromising, correct? that isn't a good way to live.

You can abandon him to his small boat. Divorce divorce divorce you will without a doubt find a better partner. And if you don't? No worries at all!! No worse off, actually much better off, than you are now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went and read you old post. You don't want to lose the man you love, but honestly, it doesn't look like he loves you. He has all the decision making in the family? Sounds weird. He isn't a compromising sort of guy -- so you do all the compromising, correct? that isn't a good way to live.

You can abandon him to his small boat. Divorce divorce divorce you will without a doubt find a better partner. And if you don't? No worries at all!! No worse off, actually much better off, than you are now.

+1 He expects you to support his dreams, but how is he supporting yours?

Grow a backbone, OP. He seems to be using you. Are you afraid to be alone at your age? I mean... I can understand that.. I'm 51. But, I would also not tolerate my DH using me for my money. FWIW, he is several years older than I am, and he is going to retire very soon before he hits 60, probably. I will keep working for another couple of years (maybe retire at 55) just to pad our retirement, but if he were to say he wanted to buy something really expensive for a hobby, I'd throw a fit, and tell him to go back to work to pay for it.

Actually, this kind of thing happened many years ago. We were remodeling the kitchen, and he wanted high end this and high end that, and other stuff we didn't need to do. All of this was going over our budget, and he wanted to retire early back then, too. We fought. So, I told him, "That's fine.. you go work more hours/get another job and make the money to cover the additional cost". Guess who won.

[Anonymous]

If I were you, I’d roll out.

[Anonymous]

What is so hard about splitting assets? His account. Your account. If he can't buy it, without your money, it doesn't happen.

Or if that's too hard to determine, sounds like time for a post-nup

[Anonymous]

Divorce him and take half his boat.

I’ll make you a cocktail for the occasion, too…

— DCUM bartender

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I were you, I’d roll out.

Yup. It’s time.

[Anonymous]

Take it from Gwyneth and Chris - Conscious Uncoupling