What is a "normal" amount of drinking for a mid-30's/early 40's parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I pretty much never drink at home but I enjoy drinking at social events. If these events are only occurring a few times a month I’d like that people are drinking and hanging out, it sounds fun to me. I probably would feel a little tired the next day but it’s not like I’d be getting plastered and staying up until 2 so it would be manageable for me, even with young kids waking up early.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd say it's not so much that all of those events feature drinking but more how close together these events are - and what the weekly drinking totals end up looking like. What you describes seems a little heavy to me, but not by a lot.

Ten drinks, strung out over the course of a week, doesn't strike me as a lot. Much more than that, and I'd see some red flags going up.

Yeah I’m a pp from above and I’ll have 3-4 when out with friends but that’s like twice a month and I don’t drink at home. I wouldn’t necessarily assume these people drink much at home just because they like to when gathering with friends…

[Anonymous]

This sounds a lot like my friend group and neighbors. However, we do plenty of activities that don't involve alcohol too, and we don't drink at the park or during soccer. We did drink at Halloween.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never been a big drinker and didn't go to a "frat party" type of college. I also grew up in a fairly religious household, so my parents never had a beer after work or a glass of wine with dinner or a bourbon to take the edge off. All that to say, I feel like I don't have a frame of reference for what is normal.

My spouse and I have started hanging out with a new group of parent friends where everything we do seems to revolve around drinking. Trick or treating. Drinking. Afternoon kids soccer game. Drinking. Meet up in the park. Drinking. Hanging out in someone's backyard for the evening. LOTS of drinking. And lots of talk about craft beers and different types of bourbon and mixed drinks. And it feels college-like with people almost bragging about how much they drank the night before or telling exploits of drinking. It's very strange to me.

No one is what I would consider sloppy drunk (like in college... I'd define as puking on the side of the road or dancing on top of a bar, etc.) or is doing anything dangerous (like driving drunk with the kids). But it's definitely more than just nursing one drink for the evening. I just don't understand how they have the stamina to have multiple drinks in one night and then wake up with the kids in the morning and not feel like crap.

Can someone explain this to me?

If I had to guess, it’s their way of coping with their children.

[Anonymous]

I was just talking to someone about this! How are y’all getting buzzed every night with kids you have to wake up with in the morning? I can barely parent sober, I would die with a hangover!

[Anonymous]

No doubt, alcohol is a key feature at nearly any and every social gathering among my peers. I think there is a lot of alcohol abuse in upper middle class circles. My neighborhood is full of this - functional alcoholics. I used to partake until my husband went off the deep end and became abusive. The alcohol played a role, for sure. This turned me against it - I won't be judgey per se, but I have no interest in it anymore.

[Anonymous]

That sounds like a lot to me. My parents and grandparents have always liked to drink, and my husband and I do too, but we never drink at soccer games, the park, or trick-or-treating. We drink on weekends and usually 1 or sometimes 2 weeknights at home, and about 2x/month with friends. I always find myself drinking more with friends because someone else will pour wine in my glass and I just drink what's in front of me, whereas at home it's a more conscious choice of if I want more or not.

I wouldn't want to drink more than I do, so I'm glad there aren't a lot of kids' activities in my life with alcohol involved. Our only drinking activity with kids is when 2-3 families get together and the kids play and the parents talk and drink, and that feels right to us.

[Anonymous]

It’s definitely a problem when the parent is:

Stumbling around the neighborhood drunk (people talk).

Bringing an alcoholic beverage in a regular cup to school pick up and also drinking at sports practices etc.

Talks about drinking constantly (while also drinking constantly), makes fun of other parents who aren’t big drinkers - aka acts like they are still in high school.

I could go on but I’ll stop here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No doubt, alcohol is a key feature at nearly any and every social gathering among my peers. I think there is a lot of alcohol abuse in upper middle class circles. My neighborhood is full of this - functional alcoholics. I used to partake until my husband went off the deep end and became abusive. The alcohol played a role, for sure. This turned me against it - I won't be judgey per se, but I have no interest in it anymore.

This. I live in a wealthy suburb of Boston & am astonished by the amount of drinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was just talking to someone about this! How are y’all getting buzzed every night with kids you have to wake up with in the morning? I can barely parent sober, I would die with a hangover!

Is what OP describing every night though? I often drink at social functions but not otherwise. I’m more tired the next day but it’s really not a huge deal when it’s only a few nights a month.

[Anonymous]

I’m an early-40s parent of young kids and I feel like most people I know in this group fall into one of two camps: heavy drinker (like what OP describes, with most social events revolving around drinking and always drinking multiple drinks in a night) or barely drinks at all.

I’m in the second camp. I drank more pre kids but now it just makes me tired and I feel terrible the next day. I might have a beer or glass of wine, but I’ll nurse it all night. I almost never drink at home. It’s just not worth it.

I also don’t understand how people my age drink do much. Especially with young kids who are not going to let you sleep in the next day. I’ve also noted a lot of people are gaining a lot of weight now that were in my 40s and I think alcohol is a major culprit. I have t changed my diet at all and haven’t gained at all, and I think it’s partly because I don’t really drink. I just don’t think your body can metabolize all the calories in alcohol efficiently at this age (also why it makes you feel so much worse!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I pretty much never drink at home but I enjoy drinking at social events. If these events are only occurring a few times a month I’d like that people are drinking and hanging out, it sounds fun to me. I probably would feel a little tired the next day but it’s not like I’d be getting plastered and staying up until 2 so it would be manageable for me, even with young kids waking up early.

+1

+2.

[Anonymous]

I’m 40 and my husband is 47. Some of our friends drink more than us. We drink as much as we want and we our friends drink as much as they want. It doesn’t bother us what other people do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never been a big drinker and didn't go to a "frat party" type of college. I also grew up in a fairly religious household, so my parents never had a beer after work or a glass of wine with dinner or a bourbon to take the edge off. All that to say, I feel like I don't have a frame of reference for what is normal.

My spouse and I have started hanging out with a new group of parent friends where everything we do seems to revolve around drinking. Trick or treating. Drinking. Afternoon kids soccer game. Drinking. Meet up in the park. Drinking. Hanging out in someone's backyard for the evening. LOTS of drinking. And lots of talk about craft beers and different types of bourbon and mixed drinks. And it feels college-like with people almost bragging about how much they drank the night before or telling exploits of drinking. It's very strange to me.

No one is what I would consider sloppy drunk (like in college... I'd define as puking on the side of the road or dancing on top of a bar, etc.) or is doing anything dangerous (like driving drunk with the kids). But it's definitely more than just nursing one drink for the evening. I just don't understand how they have the stamina to have multiple drinks in one night and then wake up with the kids in the morning and not feel like crap.

Can someone explain this to me?

That's too much for me. But I have a high-pressured job and kids, and the strain of managing all that sober can sometimes feel like too much. I also do my workouts at 05:30am. There's no way I'd be up for that if I were having a few drinks at night. So no. Drinking that often would just derail things for me.

Hanging out with friends on a Friday or Saturday or something, and having a few drinks is fine.

I realize everyone has different levels of comfort with this. So I tend to hang out with people who drink similarly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I pretty much never drink at home but I enjoy drinking at social events. If these events are only occurring a few times a month I’d like that people are drinking and hanging out, it sounds fun to me. I probably would feel a little tired the next day but it’s not like I’d be getting plastered and staying up until 2 so it would be manageable for me, even with young kids waking up early.

+1

+2.

This is me, too. But I’ve seen folks REALLY over imbibe at parties, I’ve spent the night with the toilet about 2-3 times during a particularly rough time (about 2 years), we’ve handed out mini bottles to parents in Halloween. But I rarely drink at home (although dh does nightly) and have ordered water out instead of alcohol. My town definitely has a drinking culture. You just have to decide how hard you want to hit it yourself