WWYD: Found out there was drinking and weed at Halloween Party (DD 15)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is when teens start to experiment. There really isn't a way to contain this.

I would have a serious conversation with her about 1) never driving under the influence or getting in a car with someone under the influence, 2) that she can always call you to come get her and you will not be mad, no questions asked, and 3) discuss protecting herself from unwanted advances and what can happen to your judgement if you drink too much or take too many altering substances.

OH, and see about getting birth control.

[Anonymous]

Marijuana is legal now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is in 10th grade and I found out the the "new crowd" she's been hanging with does some drinking and likely weed too. She's happy to be back in school and they seem to be nice kids, but don't like the fact at they are already doing this stuff in 10th grade. I would understand if they were seniors or even juniors, but they seem too young for this. One of the girls posted about how wasted she was last night after the Halloween party on snap. WTF?!?! I asked my daughter about this last night and she admitted that there was alcohol there, but she didn't drink or smoke. She did come home with her eyes swollen and red, but she said she had been crying. Hmmm, not sure I believe that...

She's my oldest, so not exactly sure how to handle. This group has been getting together every weekend since the start of the school year, so I'm sure she'll want to hang with them soon. I know I cannot control her friend group, but any advise on how to proceed. She's a good kid, but feel like she could easily be peer pressured. Ugh!

I'm going through the same thing with my 10th grader son. He's a good kid, plays sports and has good grades but lately he's wanting to go out to parties, late night hanging out, etc.

Cops have come to some of the parties that happened after school football games, he tells me girls are always drinking "Trulys" and getting drunk and many of his old friends are smoking weed. He says he doesn't do it, (doubt it) but I'm worried sick that something can happened to him or any of his friends... sometimes I feel like I'm the only parent that cares or has some boundaries at home.

I want him to live and learn, but I also know he can easily be pressured as well... my anxiety and stress is up the roof.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like I'm going to be in the minority on this but I would say keep letting her hang out with them but with strict limits to keep her safe. Early curfew, you pick her up. I say this because I have a feeling that if you ban her from hanging out with them she will likely push you away and lie about where she is to hang out with them, which will put her in more unsafe situations. Also if you haven't already make sure you are talking with her about safe drinking practices and how getting "wasted" is unsafe because of both external dangers (drunk driving, making her more vulnerable to assault, etc.) and internal dangers (alcohol poisoning, damaging to young brain, inability to function with a hangover).

^^ I agree with the 2 PPs. This is normal teenage behavior, so arm her with knowledge.

I was up to way, way worse than this at 15 and I’m mostly functional. =)

Your daughter totally smoked, OP.

But I agree with these PPs.

I also think the sophomore/junior line OP has drawn seems arbitrary. Like, in your mind you envision juniors doing certain things, but not sophomores? This kind of behavior isn't about grade level, it's about social relationships and 15 is right on the money for starting to push some of the more serious boundaries.

Note: I did *nothing* in high school but more than made up for it in college and wish I had taken a more typical "experimentation" path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like I'm going to be in the minority on this but I would say keep letting her hang out with them but with strict limits to keep her safe. Early curfew, you pick her up. I say this because I have a feeling that if you ban her from hanging out with them she will likely push you away and lie about where she is to hang out with them, which will put her in more unsafe situations. Also if you haven't already make sure you are talking with her about safe drinking practices and how getting "wasted" is unsafe because of both external dangers (drunk driving, making her more vulnerable to assault, etc.) and internal dangers (alcohol poisoning, damaging to young brain, inability to function with a hangover).

^^ I agree with the 2 PPs. This is normal teenage behavior, so arm her with knowledge.

I was up to way, way worse than this at 15 and I’m mostly functional. =)

+3 over here. Definitely was up to the same or worse at 15. Not that that should mean my/your kid should too, but just that it is developmentally normal for this age. Agree with PPs articulating to arm her with knowledge, safe practices and be there for her when she needs your shoulder to "cry" on

[Anonymous]

This was me at 15 and by college I was over all the partying and bingeing while my new college friends who were sheltered in high school went overboard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marijuana is legal now.

FFS that doesn't make it OK. Alcohol's legal too, but not for 15 year olds. Do even 5 seconds of googling on the adverse effects of marijuana on developing teen brains and get back to me.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't ban her from seeing these friends. But I would do the driving (especially the pick ups!) as much as possible to keep a close eye on things.

I would also help her think about making "healthy" or "safe" choices while hanging out with this group. Lots of kids end up getting sucked into drinking and smoking more than they really want because they don't think they can say no and still keep their friends . . . or because they just don't know how / can't come up with the words to pass in a socially acceptable way. So help her consider all that.

This is how I navigated things in high school. I was super risk averse - not interested in drinking because I didn't want to do something I'd regret or generally make an ass of myself. And I wanted clear judgment in case my ride ended up drinking or anything else went down. My go-to line was that "My parents would kill me" -- they're super strict and would ground me for weeks on end. Eye roll, shoulder shrug, etc. It was just my thing and people got it.

No clue if your DD is truly curious or interested in experimenting with drinking and smoking or if she's just eager to be accepted by this crowd. But it's certainly worth parsing that out with her if you can. GL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marijuana is legal now.

FFS that doesn't make it OK. Alcohol's legal too, but not for 15 year olds. Do even 5 seconds of googling on the adverse effects of marijuana on developing teen brains and get back to me.

NP here:

Teenage Brains May Be Especially Vulnerable to Marijuana and Other Drugs

Teenagers are more likely to get hooked on marijuana, stimulants and other recreational drugs than college-aged or older adults.
Studies show that regularly using marijuana can affect cognition in adolescents, leading to impairments in parts of the brain that are involved in learning, reasoning and paying attention.

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/03/29/well/family/teenage-brain-marijuana.html#:~:text=Studies%20show%20that%20regularly%20using,learning%2C%20reasoning%20and%20paying%20attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, 15 was when I and the majority of kids started experimenting. There is no way for you to stop it. Might be able to curb it slightly, but where there’s a will there’s a way.

Nope. Not my kids. That was never permissible and they knew it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Drug test her at home

Yep. This was my 16 yr old this past summer. Now he tells his friends that he can't smoke anymore and he said they don't care if he does or not. He still hangs out with them sometimes. My DS cannot drink or smoke due to the medication he is taking. I told him he can use that as an excuse or blame his mother. Whichever works.

[Anonymous]

Why do people say you can't stop it. You absolutely can. Jesus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marijuana is legal now.

It's not legal for people under 21 anywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, 15 was when I and the majority of kids started experimenting. There is no way for you to stop it. Might be able to curb it slightly, but where there’s a will there’s a way.

Nope. Not my kids. That was never permissible and they knew it.

Just when I say my kid would never, here they come nevering like they never nevered before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, 15 was when I and the majority of kids started experimenting. There is no way for you to stop it. Might be able to curb it slightly, but where there’s a will there’s a way.

Nope. Not my kids. That was never permissible and they knew it.

And I am sure they lied to you while you stuck your head in the sand. The power play doesn't work with all kids.