Group texting

[Anonymous]

Yes, you should treat all the IL the same. Maybe she isn't close to you as she realizes you want nothing to do with her.

[Anonymous]

My father always includes my SILs on the group text. I’m not 100% sure that they want to be there bc one never responds. It’s sort if hilarious.

Why wouldn’t you include her on fun ones? You Can have a separate chain if you deem appropriate for more complex, serious family matters

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father always includes my SILs on the group text. I’m not 100% sure that they want to be there bc one never responds. It’s sort if hilarious.

Why wouldn’t you include her on fun ones? You Can have a separate chain if you deem appropriate for more complex, serious family matters

I'm not sure MIL should leave her DIL out on complex serious family issues either. It sends the message that DIL is family for minor and silly things but she isn't family enough to be in the circle of trust to be trusted for big issues. Your either family or you're not. Big issues effect the DIL too because they effect her husband which in turn effects her.

[Anonymous]

I'm in a bunch:
# 1 female cousins and sisters of my DH (plus assorted best friends of cousins and sisters who are like family) but does not include DH.
# 2 all siblings including DH and cousins plus me (I'm the only married in female and the girls like me, the rest of marrieds in are male)
# 3 Just siblings and MIL

I'm not in #4 that is just MIL and spouse and siblings.

This is all OK! I don't need to hear them chat about the fact the ran into marge from up the road at the Giant and little suzie got into harvard (#4)

I do care that:

Unmarried cousin had a great first date (#1)
We're all going to go to a bar before Thanksgiving dinner (#2)
I'm supposed to bring potatoes for dinner (#3)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in a bunch:
# 1 female cousins and sisters of my DH (plus assorted best friends of cousins and sisters who are like family) but does not include DH.
# 2 all siblings including DH and cousins plus me (I'm the only married in female and the girls like me, the rest of marrieds in are male)
# 3 Just siblings and MIL

I'm not in #4 that is just MIL and spouse and siblings.

This is all OK! I don't need to hear them chat about the fact the ran into marge from up the road at the Giant and little suzie got into harvard (#4)

I do care that:

Unmarried cousin had a great first date (#1)
We're all going to go to a bar before Thanksgiving dinner (#2)
I'm supposed to bring potatoes for dinner (#3)

Why aren't you in #4? Did you ever ask to be?

[Anonymous]

Not being in their text group means I have complete plausible deniability for any requests that originated there.

When I am included on a text chain, it is never, ever a good thing as far as I’m concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you kidding me? Who on earth wants to be on a group text string? Please make sure to leave me off, thank you lol

I was just thinking this! A group chat with my MIL, FIL, SIL and BIL? No thanks. I’m good.

I tolerate but don’t like my ILs- the whole lot- MIL, step FIL, FIL, SIL BIL. I’m not interested in being in their group chat, if there is one. Let DH manage all of that!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in a bunch:
# 1 female cousins and sisters of my DH (plus assorted best friends of cousins and sisters who are like family) but does not include DH.
# 2 all siblings including DH and cousins plus me (I'm the only married in female and the girls like me, the rest of marrieds in are male)
# 3 Just siblings and MIL

I'm not in #4 that is just MIL and spouse and siblings.

This is all OK! I don't need to hear them chat about the fact the ran into marge from up the road at the Giant and little suzie got into harvard (#4)

I do care that:

Unmarried cousin had a great first date (#1)
We're all going to go to a bar before Thanksgiving dinner (#2)
I'm supposed to bring potatoes for dinner (#3)

Why aren't you in #4? Did you ever ask to be?

I don't care. Honestly. I'm in the one where i get assignments and I'm not in the one where they try to remember who was left in the Kmart in 1978. Was it sister 1 or sister 2?

[Anonymous]

Of course you include her! If she gets bored of you all reminiscing about Christmas 1987 at Aunt Lucy’s or that drive to Yosemite when Joey got carsick all the way, then she’ll know she wasn’t missing anything. If your conversations among only the blood relatives are not like that then you need to examine why you’d feel the need to shut her out.

I can’t think of anything that would be inappropriate for my SIL to hear. Texts with my mom and brother (dad doesn’t text) are always about logistics of something or other that would at least peripherally involve her or news about someone that my brother would absolutely forget to share with her!

[Anonymous]

if you are organizing a family dinner or get together. then yes...

if its just a chat between you and your DH and your DC, then no...

but yeah group texts generally suck

[Anonymous]

Do you also call her everyday to chat? If so, I can tell you she's not really into having that kind of relationship with you. Sorry!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have both on my husband’s side. One chat with the parents, kids, and spouses. There’s another that’s just the parents and kids and I see no issue with having both.

Why do you need a separate one w/o spouses? Don't you assume your child/sibling is going to tell their spouse anyways?

My in laws share the details of colonoscopies and other life events. Happy to be off that text.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She never would have had to ask me.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DIL asks you at dinner one evening if you can include her in your family group chat with your husband and children. How do you respond? You live close to your son and DIL so you know her really well this isn't like a DIL you barely see. Would you honor her request or tell her you rather just keep it to your spouse and children the core family that all grew up together?

I am so glad you aren't my mother in law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in a bunch:
# 1 female cousins and sisters of my DH (plus assorted best friends of cousins and sisters who are like family) but does not include DH.
# 2 all siblings including DH and cousins plus me (I'm the only married in female and the girls like me, the rest of marrieds in are male)
# 3 Just siblings and MIL

I'm not in #4 that is just MIL and spouse and siblings.

This is all OK! I don't need to hear them chat about the fact the ran into marge from up the road at the Giant and little suzie got into harvard (#4)

I do care that:

Unmarried cousin had a great first date (#1)
We're all going to go to a bar before Thanksgiving dinner (#2)
I'm supposed to bring potatoes for dinner (#3)

Why aren't you in #4? Did you ever ask to be?

I don't care. Honestly. I'm in the one where i get assignments and I'm not in the one where they try to remember who was left in the Kmart in 1978. Was it sister 1 or sister 2?

EXACTLY THIS. There should be nuclear-family group chats for conversation that is completely irrelevant for spouses. Spouse doesn't need to know that my mom ran into my sister's best friend from 30 years ago. Or need to hear an update about a neighbor across the street from my mom that they've never met.

It isn't exclusive to have nuclear-family only group-texts. It's just tailoring the conversation to those who care.

Now if OP is excluding DIL from texts about Thanksgiving - then I side with her DIL.