Group texting

[Anonymous]

It’s a weird request to me. Is she jealous?
I definitely do not want to be on a chat with my MIL and her kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL included me in the family chat after my husband asked her to but we both notice she always always texts on the other one that I'm not in. I just take that as a hint that she doesn't see me as family. I stopped texting her first because I always reached out to her first and while she would always respond and engage in convo with me when we would have a family group chat she would never include me in it.

I'll give an example, when I knew she was going away on vacation with FIK and some friends I would always text her to have a good time and enjoy herself and she would always respond back and engage with me but then when posting vacay pics and updates she would never include me in the group chat which is odd since I reached out to her first about her vacation.

So now I never bother texting her first anymore because clearly she doesn't want to reciprocate in the relationship. Which I guess is fine because it's one less relationship I have to worry about in my life of actively cultivating.

You have put WAY too much thought into this.

It's quite possible she sent the pictures to whatever text was at the top of the stream. My mom and MIL are terrible about doing stuff like this. If I took it personally I'd be wasting a lot of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father always includes my SILs on the group text. I’m not 100% sure that they want to be there bc one never responds. It’s sort if hilarious.

Why wouldn’t you include her on fun ones? You Can have a separate chain if you deem appropriate for more complex, serious family matters

I'm not sure MIL should leave her DIL out on complex serious family issues either. It sends the message that DIL is family for minor and silly things but she isn't family enough to be in the circle of trust to be trusted for big issues. Your either family or you're not. Big issues effect the DIL too because they effect her husband which in turn effects her.

AFFECT

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not being in their text group means I have complete plausible deniability for any requests that originated there.

When I am included on a text chain, it is never, ever a good thing as far as I’m concerned.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a weird request to me. Is she jealous?
I definitely do not want to be on a chat with my MIL and her kids.

Not weird to me DIL is part of the family and maybe she is trying to make it easier on MIL because maybe her husband doesn't relay important messages to her so instead of going through a 3rd party she can get the info directly. In fact I actually think it's weirder she's not on it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DIL asks you at dinner one evening if you can include her in your family group chat with your husband and children. How do you respond? You live close to your son and DIL so you know her really well this isn't like a DIL you barely see. Would you honor her request or tell her you rather just keep it to your spouse and children the core family that all grew up together?

WOW. If you are the MIL you are a piece of work. OF COURSE you include her. I'd be embarrassed to tell her no, for one thing. And she's family for another.

Why would you want to keep her out? Do you not like her?

[Anonymous]

You ask your son -- what her concern is? This may solver you being curious. But that's all it is. Curious. If you don't get a full complete answer, you're not going to be told.

And you let go of your speculation. No good will come of it.

You include her. Something -this- important to her, you include her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You ask your son -- what her concern is? This may solver you being curious. But that's all it is. Curious. If you don't get a full complete answer, you're not going to be told.

And you let go of your speculation. No good will come of it.

You include her. Something -this- important to her, you include her.

OP here. I did and I asked him straight out if DIL is feeling excluded and why she wants to be included and he said because they are married and feel they should be together on family texts and that sometimes he can forget to update her on family info or relay info to her so she figured it would make it easier. I'll include her because there really isn't any sound reason for me not to.

[Anonymous]

Yes a DIL is considered family but I can also understand the desire OP has to keep a family group chat just to her spouse and kids that grew up together in the same household. There are memories that they have together that DIL wasn't a part of and it she's in the chat it would be pointless because she wasn't there for the memories and therefore wouldn't get what they were talking about. Some things people just feel more comfortable discussing solely with their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DIL asks you at dinner one evening if you can include her in your family group chat with your husband and children. How do you respond? You live close to your son and DIL so you know her really well this isn't like a DIL you barely see. Would you honor her request or tell her you rather just keep it to your spouse and children the core family that all grew up together?

I am so glad you aren't my mother in law.

We all should be. This person posts disparaging threads about her DIL and different ways she excludes her from the family over and over again. She doesn't seem well.

[Anonymous]

The last thing I need is another text group, especially with MIL. We have ones with the siblings and spouses and the siblings have their own with MIL. Works great.

[Anonymous]

Once a married I expect to be included in all and any family events and group family chats that my husband is in. We are a married couple.