Long term baby quitting - parents advice

[Anonymous]

Don't wait until January. Give them two weeks, and not a day more. You are overworked and underpaid, and it is your turn to think about your own needs. I guarantee they will be paying the next person a lot more than they pay you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Boss, I’ve found another opportunity and I feel like it’s time to move on. [two weeks from now] will be my last day, though I may be able to stay another week or two if you need the extra time to find new childcare. I truly love your children and I am grateful to have had the chance to care for them these past 7 years.”

This exactly. Give 2 weeks notice. Then say you might be able to stay an extra 2 weeks to help them find childcare. NO more than that.

[Anonymous]

Take the new job but don't burn bridges. I would give a 3 or 4 week notice and hold the 6-8 weeks you have as a negotiation tool that you can offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't wait until January. Give them two weeks, and not a day more. You are overworked and underpaid, and it is your turn to think about your own needs. I guarantee they will be paying the next person a lot more than they pay you.

Definitely. And that person will be doing A LOT less than you currently do. It is time to leave. Give notice tomorrow. Friday is perfect for this.

GO!

You should have ditched this family YEARS ago, but better late than never.

[Anonymous]

OP, be resolute in your decision because your current family will counter offer. They will ask you how much the new family is going to pay you. Be ready for that because if you let your decision be swayed by the counter offer, you will be a wreck emotionally. Should you stay, it will never be the same and there will be resentment from your current family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, be resolute in your decision because your current family will counter offer. They will ask you how much the new family is going to pay you. Be ready for that because if you let your decision be swayed by the counter offer, you will be a wreck emotionally. Should you stay, it will never be the same and there will be resentment from your current family.

Yup. You need to leave. BTW this is the same advice people in corporate America get. It’s always a bad idea to take the counteroffer. Your current family is going to panic when they start interviewing nanny’s who will charge double your rate and have strict boundaries about overtime and housekeeping. They’re going to resent you for leaving and making their lives harder.

Practice a script. “Thank you so much. I really enjoyed my time with the kids but it’s time for me to move on.”

Be polite but firm. DO NOT explain. You have made your decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, be resolute in your decision because your current family will counter offer. They will ask you how much the new family is going to pay you. Be ready for that because if you let your decision be swayed by the counter offer, you will be a wreck emotionally. Should you stay, it will never be the same and there will be resentment from your current family.

Yes, you have no obligation to tell them your new salary. You can state it's more than double and includes health insurance.
Turn down any offer to match the new job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, be resolute in your decision because your current family will counter offer. They will ask you how much the new family is going to pay you. Be ready for that because if you let your decision be swayed by the counter offer, you will be a wreck emotionally. Should you stay, it will never be the same and there will be resentment from your current family.

Yes, you have no obligation to tell them your new salary. You can state it's more than double and includes health insurance.
Turn down any offer to match the new job.

It's not more than double, the OP compares a net rate to a gross rate, which makes the net sound worse comparatively than apples to apples. Agreed about not taking a counter though

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, be resolute in your decision because your current family will counter offer. They will ask you how much the new family is going to pay you. Be ready for that because if you let your decision be swayed by the counter offer, you will be a wreck emotionally. Should you stay, it will never be the same and there will be resentment from your current family.

Yes, you have no obligation to tell them your new salary. You can state it's more than double and includes health insurance.
Turn down any offer to match the new job.

It's not more than double, the OP compares a net rate to a gross rate, which makes the net sound worse comparatively than apples to apples. Agreed about not taking a counter though

While I agree that it's not a direct comparison, $40/hr gross is still significantly more than $20/hr net. Then, you factor in the fact that OP is paying for her own gas to drive the kids around, is not getting overtime, and does not receive any benefits, while the new position pays benefits, mileage, and overtime.

OP, you have to take the new job. Don't accept a counter.

You sound like a loving nanny -- good luck!

--former nanny and current nanny employer

[Anonymous]

Our first nanny was with us for almost 9 years and we parted amicably. I’d suggest 3-4 weeks, no more. Two feels skimpy and might actually burn a bridge. Mentally prepare not to see your charges after this, in case your current employer gets (Unfairly) upset. The new job sounds like a smart move professionally and personally. Good luck! You can do this!!

[Anonymous]

They don’t believe you’ll actually ever leave. They are using your love for their kids to manipulate you. Give 4 weeks notice and be with a new family before the holidays.

[Anonymous]

I agree 2 weeks seems to little for this type of relationship (but by all means do it if you need to!) Four weeks is too much--I think 3 weeks is the sweet spot--gives them time to advertise and set up interviews without having to be too hasty.

They're likely to resent you and possibly say unkind things to you, at least at first, but that's their panic and grief and regret talking. Always take the high road, be kind, give them a photo book and nice note if you want to, and make sure they know how much you value your time with them and love their kids.

Take a week between jobs if you're able, and go enjoy your new family! I went through a big transition recently too, and also noticed how much rates went up during the pandemic and had to cut a family loose. It was hard but ultimately worth it.

Let us know how it goes! wishing you well.

[Anonymous]

PP here-it's 100% fine to be honest with them about why you're leaving--no raises, too much work for the pay, and straight up tell them that when the mom said the pandemic was relaxing, it was because you made it that way by working your ass off. It's OK to tell them these things! (Might have been more useful a year ago, but that's water under the bridge.) Going forward, it's Ok to set boundaries! Take care of yourself too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello! I am hoping Jeff will please leave this here vs moving to the nanny forum because I’d like advice from parents, please.

I’ve been a nanny for the same family for the past 8 years. During those 8 years, I’ve never received a raise (even when 2 more kids were born) but I accepted it because the parents were nice and I love their children. I don’t receive health benefits or mileage when I use my car. My starting rate was $20 net and I do not receive overtime. I have guaranteed hours, sick days, and 3 weeks vacation. Working for this family, I have to do side jobs to have a quality of life, because I’m in an expensive area. I would have happily continued this arrangement, because of my love for their 3 kids, until pandemic happened.

During pandemic, the family kept me on which I am grateful for, however they let the housekeepers go. Now I had 3 kids (two under 4), distance learning, plus housekeeping and cleaning up all day after the parents. I worked so hard. I was crying most days after work. My boss would tell me how relaxing the pandemic was for and I would silently seethe. For Christmas, I didn’t receive a bonus, when years prior I received a weeks pay. I was hurt, but still grateful to be employed. I love the children so much, I tolerated all the extra job creep and lack of appreciation because the kids make me so happy.

As I mentioned previously, to pay my bills, I have to work side jobs. While my boss went away for 2 weeks this summer (I was paid) I worked for a family through an agency. There is apparently a nanny shortage in my area (big city/high COL area) so wages have skyrocketed. The family paid me $35/hr cash for a newborn and a toddler. I’ve continued babysitting for them on the side (which my boss knows about and is fine with) and they’ve offered me a full time position. The new family know I’ve been with my current employers for many years, but aren’t aware how underpaid I am. They offered me $40/hr gross with overtime, full benefits, mileage, 2 weeks vacation, 5 sick days. They are willing to wait for me until January.

I feel like I need to take this job. I love the kids at work and start to cry whenever I think about leaving, but I’m just so tired. Not from my main job, but from doing that plus all the other side jobs I need to do to get by. I don’t even know how to have to conversation with my boss. We have a weird dynamic where I don’t think the mom actually likes me, but she knows I’m great with the kids and that I am responsible and reliable.

How much notice should I give? After 8 years? I feel like I should give 6 weeks, but I know it the roles were reversed she wouldn’t give me any. Would 4 weeks be sufficient and what can I do to make things easier for the kids? After 8 years I’ll need this reference for the future so I need to leave in the right way. Do I really need to give more than 4 weeks? My bosses are currently working from home, but need to go back to work in January so I know this will be stressful. I just can’t really get past how I was treated during the pandemic and as much as I love the kids, it’s time to move on, but I want to do it the right way.

Sorry, but you were an crazy for staying the 2nd year without a raise and a total idiot for staying 8 years with no raise!

[Anonymous]

Last poster is an ass for calling you an “idiot”. But I do have to second the sentiment that you need to be more organized with your new employer. Get scheduled, pay, etc. in writing. The agency you’re using should facilitate this. And then have a sit down with the family after your first week to discuss expectations. Write them down. Turn that into a list of top 5 priorities. Then sit down again in six months to review how things are going and decide if priorities need to be adjusted. Do the same in six more months, point out how awesome you’ve been and get that annual raise!

To put it more succinctly. Don’t let them treat you like a “member of the family”. Act like a professional, so you’ll be treated like one.