Long term baby quitting - parents advice
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Anonymous
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Hello! I am hoping Jeff will please leave this here vs moving to the nanny forum because I’d like advice from parents, please.
I’ve been a nanny for the same family for the past 8 years. During those 8 years, I’ve never received a raise (even when 2 more kids were born) but I accepted it because the parents were nice and I love their children. I don’t receive health benefits or mileage when I use my car. My starting rate was $20 net and I do not receive overtime. I have guaranteed hours, sick days, and 3 weeks vacation. Working for this family, I have to do side jobs to have a quality of life, because I’m in an expensive area. I would have happily continued this arrangement, because of my love for their 3 kids, until pandemic happened. During pandemic, the family kept me on which I am grateful for, however they let the housekeepers go. Now I had 3 kids (two under 4), distance learning, plus housekeeping and cleaning up all day after the parents. I worked so hard. I was crying most days after work. My boss would tell me how relaxing the pandemic was for and I would silently seethe. For Christmas, I didn’t receive a bonus, when years prior I received a weeks pay. I was hurt, but still grateful to be employed. I love the children so much, I tolerated all the extra job creep and lack of appreciation because the kids make me so happy. As I mentioned previously, to pay my bills, I have to work side jobs. While my boss went away for 2 weeks this summer (I was paid) I worked for a family through an agency. There is apparently a nanny shortage in my area (big city/high COL area) so wages have skyrocketed. The family paid me $35/hr cash for a newborn and a toddler. I’ve continued babysitting for them on the side (which my boss knows about and is fine with) and they’ve offered me a full time position. The new family know I’ve been with my current employers for many years, but aren’t aware how underpaid I am. They offered me $40/hr gross with overtime, full benefits, mileage, 2 weeks vacation, 5 sick days. They are willing to wait for me until January. I feel like I need to take this job. I love the kids at work and start to cry whenever I think about leaving, but I’m just so tired. Not from my main job, but from doing that plus all the other side jobs I need to do to get by. I don’t even know how to have to conversation with my boss. We have a weird dynamic where I don’t think the mom actually likes me, but she knows I’m great with the kids and that I am responsible and reliable. How much notice should I give? After 8 years? I feel like I should give 6 weeks, but I know it the roles were reversed she wouldn’t give me any. Would 4 weeks be sufficient and what can I do to make things easier for the kids? After 8 years I’ll need this reference for the future so I need to leave in the right way. Do I really need to give more than 4 weeks? My bosses are currently working from home, but need to go back to work in January so I know this will be stressful. I just can’t really get past how I was treated during the pandemic and as much as I love the kids, it’s time to move on, but I want to do it the right way. |
Anonymous
| Ooops that title was supposed to say long term nanny quitting! |
Anonymous
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Parent who has had a nanny for 7+ years here. You do not owe anyone, least of all an employer who has treated you this badly, 6 weeks notice. We have 4 weeks written into our nanny contract, though if you don't have any clause or agreed upon timeframe...I would say 2 weeks is sufficient and way more than fair.
Your current employer is taking massive advantage of you...not to mention illegally not paying you OT. You don't owe them very much, IMHO. |
Anonymous
| Give two weeks or whatever is specified by your contract. They'll figure it out. More than that will be awkward (and they will still scramble at the last minute). Good luck! |
Anonymous
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OMG take this job! Girl! Where are your friends and family and why are they not helping you talk through this. You love those kids. You can still love them. You are not their parent.
You have a much higher paying offer and you even got to know them before hand. TAKE THIS JOB. TODAY. YOUR CURRENT KIDS ARE LOVED AND CARED FOR AND THAT WILL CONTINUE WITHOUT YOU. |
Anonymous
Also, two weeks. Two weeks. No more, that would just be painful for everyone. |
Anonymous
| That's nuts. Why did you never ask for a raise? Our nanny went from $21 to $28 with the birth of #2. If you go to quit, see if there's a price you'd be willing to stay for. But I'd take the benefits over anything. Just make sure you try to carve out time to see your old kids some weekends. |
Anonymous
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Follow your original contract. Likely 2 - 4 weeks.
They have done what is best for them equalling more down time and money in their pocket. Well past time for you to do what is best for you. The transition to a new care provider is not your responsibility. If they cared about keeping you they would not have treated you this way. |
Anonymous
| Give a month's notice. They are not going to give you a christmas bonus. Get out. |
Anonymous
+1. I'd have years of resentment built up over how you've been devalued. |
Anonymous
| If would give two weeks notice and then take two weeks off after that to rest & recharge before starting your new better paying job! |
Anonymous
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I think four weeks is great. Two weeks would really leave them in a tough spot (which maybe they deserve, but doesn't mean you need to operate at their level)
Six weeks is too much - it will just have you lingering around, and as a PP said, may even make them just push off the reality and still be scrambling at the end. Decide for yourself if you want to tell them soon and start with the new family for the holidays, or if you think it would be cleaner to start with the new family after Christmas. |
Anonymous
| Wait they paid you $20 an hour for 3 kids?! Quit immediately. You deserve better. |
Anonymous
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“Boss, I’ve found another opportunity and I feel like it’s time to move on. [two weeks from now] will be my last day, though I may be able to stay another week or two if you need the extra time to find new childcare. I truly love your children and I am grateful to have had the chance to care for them these past 7 years.”
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Anonymous
| Good luck OP! Here's to better days for you. |