Husband Doesn’t Understand The Struggles

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband works FT and I work PT and we have an infant son. We need to hire help because working and caring for a baby is hard work. He knows it’s tough and tries to be involved as possible, but he doesn’t think we need any help. He thinks because the baby sleeps most of the day and is only awake for a short time, I can manage throughout the day. It’s more challenging than he realizes. I have to stop working to feed and then my son gets annoyed at times and wants to be held or wants to be interacted with while he is awake. I’m going back FT next month and just don’t know how I will manage without help. I need to convince him we need to help.

Leave for an entire Saturday. When you get back, see what he got done besides “keep an infant alive.” It won’t be much haha. Sometimes you have to experience something to get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if you kept track of the times you were actually able to work over a day or two and showed him the data? Or perhaps the two of you together could keep track of the time blocks on a weekend day when work was potentially feasible, based on the baby's schedule?

You should also make sure he reads up on a baby development. Does he have any idea what a day looks like for a 3-month? A 9-month-old? Babies do not sleep all day magically until the day they enter kindergarten.

What if she didn't?

Her husband has no issue with leaving the house everyday to work FT without a worry in the world that his child is being cared for. OP stating what she needs childcare to perform her job is not something she has to prove. It's just the truth.

I agree that she needs childcare and shouldn't need to prove it. But OP did say, "I need to convince him we need to help." I was trying to help her be able to provide compelling evidence. But yes, she can also make childcare arrangements, and if DH doesn't like it, he can take baby to work with him.

[Anonymous]

Wait.

Your husband expects you to go back to work full time AND take care of an infant with no help?? While he leaves the house to go to work full time?

This is absurd. Hire help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if you kept track of the times you were actually able to work over a day or two and showed him the data? Or perhaps the two of you together could keep track of the time blocks on a weekend day when work was potentially feasible, based on the baby's schedule?

You should also make sure he reads up on a baby development. Does he have any idea what a day looks like for a 3-month? A 9-month-old? Babies do not sleep all day magically until the day they enter kindergarten.

What if she didn't?

Her husband has no issue with leaving the house everyday to work FT without a worry in the world that his child is being cared for. OP stating what she needs childcare to perform her job is not something she has to prove. It's just the truth.

Is it bad if I would have half a mind to just leave half an hour before DH? Just sneak out and leave baby at home. When DH calls frantic that he will be late to work, I would be all, “Oh, you just leave and expect the baby thing to sort itself out. So I did the same.” Then turn my phone off for eight hours. Because that’s what he is doing.

[Anonymous]

That’s 100% ridiculous. What does he think SAHM’s if infants do all day? Why does he think other countries give a year of maternity leave? Does he think these women are just doing nothing bc their baby is “sleeping all day”?

[Anonymous]

One Saturday or Sunday tell him you have plans for the day (doing whatever), and tell him he needs to watch the baby and get a whole bunch of chores done. Be gone for 6+ hours.

Hopefully he changes his tune after that.

[Anonymous]

Daycare. It makes more sense and is cheaper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband works FT and I work PT and we have an infant son. We need to hire help because working and caring for a baby is hard work. He knows it’s tough and tries to be involved as possible, but he doesn’t think we need any help. He thinks because the baby sleeps most of the day and is only awake for a short time, I can manage throughout the day. It’s more challenging than he realizes. I have to stop working to feed and then my son gets annoyed at times and wants to be held or wants to be interacted with while he is awake. I’m going back FT next month and just don’t know how I will manage without help. I need to convince him we need to help.

Don't most jobs require you to have childcare if you WFH full-time?

I agree with the PP - take the bull by the horns and hire someone. He's not even home - how does he know how the day goes with the baby?

I know people who worked FT and still cared for their kids on their own.

Not happening these days, great-grandma.

Their jobs is clearly very easy and low paying. I could never leave my meetings to attend to my baby and I would never leave my baby crying for an hour because I have to finish my meeting. I could take care of a baby only if I had no important meetings and could work on simple tasks that don’t require concentration.

[Anonymous]

Didn’t you have a discussion about childcare before the baby was born, OP?

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t actually matter what he thinks. It would be nice if he wasn’t dumb about it but hire help anyway.

[Anonymous]

I understand where your husband is coming from. Do you truly have an infant? As in four weeks old? In that case, disregard. I am more surprised you can work with the lack of sleep.

A typical baby sleeps at least 4-5 hours during the work day. You’re saying you work PT. Isn’t PT 4-5 hours? You should have a 2 hour nap stretch in the morning and another 2-3 in the PM. You say you’re interrupted by feeding. Except for cluster feeding, which is very early on and typically early evenings, the child should be on more of a schedule and feed every 2-3 hours. Again, enough time for you to work.

I had a baby and hired a nanny because I was supposed to. Until my child was walking, it wasn’t really necessary. There was a time window in the morning when I often had meetings and used the nanny. Besides that, it was easy to have the child on a playmat, carrier or the child was sleeping. It was kind of a waste and awkward having the nanny there with so little to do. I remember I hired a cleaner for the first time and during maternity leave it was comical because the only thing I Did was go on a walk when my cleaner was at my house. I could have easily cleaned with the baby but had been so scared precooked into ordering frozen dishes and having cleaners lined up.

There is a reason babies don’t do much - they haven’t developed and people couldn’t have additional kids if a baby was truly a FT job. Unless you have a child with a developmental disorder or illness, it’s not that hard. Get your kid on a schedule, naps aren’t optional and be religious about sleep. Once you’re strict with a schedule, it’s pretty easy. I mean a baby sleeps every afternoon! I’d love my child to now take afternoon naps.

Or maybe you’re back at work at four weeks but I didn’t catch that from your post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand where your husband is coming from. Do you truly have an infant? As in four weeks old? In that case, disregard. I am more surprised you can work with the lack of sleep.

A typical baby sleeps at least 4-5 hours during the work day. You’re saying you work PT. Isn’t PT 4-5 hours? You should have a 2 hour nap stretch in the morning and another 2-3 in the PM. You say you’re interrupted by feeding. Except for cluster feeding, which is very early on and typically early evenings, the child should be on more of a schedule and feed every 2-3 hours. Again, enough time for you to work.

I had a baby and hired a nanny because I was supposed to. Until my child was walking, it wasn’t really necessary. There was a time window in the morning when I often had meetings and used the nanny. Besides that, it was easy to have the child on a playmat, carrier or the child was sleeping. It was kind of a waste and awkward having the nanny there with so little to do. I remember I hired a cleaner for the first time and during maternity leave it was comical because the only thing I Did was go on a walk when my cleaner was at my house. I could have easily cleaned with the baby but had been so scared precooked into ordering frozen dishes and having cleaners lined up.

There is a reason babies don’t do much - they haven’t developed and people couldn’t have additional kids if a baby was truly a FT job. Unless you have a child with a developmental disorder or illness, it’s not that hard. Get your kid on a schedule, naps aren’t optional and be religious about sleep. Once you’re strict with a schedule, it’s pretty easy. I mean a baby sleeps every afternoon! I’d love my child to now take afternoon naps.

Or maybe you’re back at work at four weeks but I didn’t catch that from your post.

It’s awesome that you had an easy baby, easy recovery and easy enough job to accomplish everything you listed. That’s not the experience everyone has. It’s also a little surprising to hear someone say that the supports they had and relied on are unnecessary and easy to do without. I’m sure it’s easy to have the baby in the room playing while you’re working, knowing you can have the nanny take the baby to a different area if they become distracting to you. That doesn’t mean your nanny wasn’t necessary or helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand where your husband is coming from. Do you truly have an infant? As in four weeks old? In that case, disregard. I am more surprised you can work with the lack of sleep.

A typical baby sleeps at least 4-5 hours during the work day. You’re saying you work PT. Isn’t PT 4-5 hours? You should have a 2 hour nap stretch in the morning and another 2-3 in the PM. You say you’re interrupted by feeding. Except for cluster feeding, which is very early on and typically early evenings, the child should be on more of a schedule and feed every 2-3 hours. Again, enough time for you to work.

I had a baby and hired a nanny because I was supposed to. Until my child was walking, it wasn’t really necessary. There was a time window in the morning when I often had meetings and used the nanny. Besides that, it was easy to have the child on a playmat, carrier or the child was sleeping. It was kind of a waste and awkward having the nanny there with so little to do. I remember I hired a cleaner for the first time and during maternity leave it was comical because the only thing I Did was go on a walk when my cleaner was at my house. I could have easily cleaned with the baby but had been so scared precooked into ordering frozen dishes and having cleaners lined up.

There is a reason babies don’t do much - they haven’t developed and people couldn’t have additional kids if a baby was truly a FT job. Unless you have a child with a developmental disorder or illness, it’s not that hard. Get your kid on a schedule, naps aren’t optional and be religious about sleep. Once you’re strict with a schedule, it’s pretty easy. I mean a baby sleeps every afternoon! I’d love my child to now take afternoon naps.

Or maybe you’re back at work at four weeks but I didn’t catch that from your post.

You had a nanny to make your life easy but you’re telling another mom it’s not necessary?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand where your husband is coming from. Do you truly have an infant? As in four weeks old? In that case, disregard. I am more surprised you can work with the lack of sleep.

A typical baby sleeps at least 4-5 hours during the work day. You’re saying you work PT. Isn’t PT 4-5 hours? You should have a 2 hour nap stretch in the morning and another 2-3 in the PM. You say you’re interrupted by feeding. Except for cluster feeding, which is very early on and typically early evenings, the child should be on more of a schedule and feed every 2-3 hours. Again, enough time for you to work.

I had a baby and hired a nanny because I was supposed to. Until my child was walking, it wasn’t really necessary. There was a time window in the morning when I often had meetings and used the nanny. Besides that, it was easy to have the child on a playmat, carrier or the child was sleeping. It was kind of a waste and awkward having the nanny there with so little to do. I remember I hired a cleaner for the first time and during maternity leave it was comical because the only thing I Did was go on a walk when my cleaner was at my house. I could have easily cleaned with the baby but had been so scared precooked into ordering frozen dishes and having cleaners lined up.

There is a reason babies don’t do much - they haven’t developed and people couldn’t have additional kids if a baby was truly a FT job. Unless you have a child with a developmental disorder or illness, it’s not that hard. Get your kid on a schedule, naps aren’t optional and be religious about sleep. Once you’re strict with a schedule, it’s pretty easy. I mean a baby sleeps every afternoon! I’d love my child to now take afternoon naps.

Or maybe you’re back at work at four weeks but I didn’t catch that from your post.

It’s awesome that you had an easy baby, easy recovery and easy enough job to accomplish everything you listed. That’s not the experience everyone has. It’s also a little surprising to hear someone say that the supports they had and relied on are unnecessary and easy to do without. I’m sure it’s easy to have the baby in the room playing while you’re working, knowing you can have the nanny take the baby to a different area if they become distracting to you. That doesn’t mean your nanny wasn’t necessary or helpful.

You had a very easy baby. Mine needed to be held for naps the first few months. You can’t breastfeed and nap a baby like that, and work the kind of intellectually demanding job I have. Our nannies had plenty to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A typical baby sleeps at least 4-5 hours during the work day.

Or maybe you mean the "ideal baby sleeps at least 4-5 hours during the work day." My baby was less than ideal in this regard. I could count on a two half-hour naps. And I WAS religious about sleep. I prayed for a long nap every time I put the baby down!