Husband Doesn’t Understand The Struggles

[Anonymous]

My husband works FT and I work PT and we have an infant son. We need to hire help because working and caring for a baby is hard work. He knows it’s tough and tries to be involved as possible, but he doesn’t think we need any help. He thinks because the baby sleeps most of the day and is only awake for a short time, I can manage throughout the day. It’s more challenging than he realizes. I have to stop working to feed and then my son gets annoyed at times and wants to be held or wants to be interacted with while he is awake. I’m going back FT next month and just don’t know how I will manage without help. I need to convince him we need to help.

[Anonymous]

If he won’t, just hire the help yourself. Give him the option of helping you pick someone out but otherwise just hire them.

If he balks, offer to hire someone part time for your half of the hours. So say you’re responsible for baby 8-1, he is 1-6. Hire someone to cover your hours and he can care for baby solo during his hours. Or hire someone 3 days a week and he can be responsible for the baby on the other 2 days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he won’t, just hire the help yourself. Give him the option of helping you pick someone out but otherwise just hire them.

If he balks, offer to hire someone part time for your half of the hours. So say you’re responsible for baby 8-1, he is 1-6. Hire someone to cover your hours and he can care for baby solo during his hours. Or hire someone 3 days a week and he can be responsible for the baby on the other 2 days.

OP here. Not possible. He doesn’t work from home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband works FT and I work PT and we have an infant son. We need to hire help because working and caring for a baby is hard work. He knows it’s tough and tries to be involved as possible, but he doesn’t think we need any help. He thinks because the baby sleeps most of the day and is only awake for a short time, I can manage throughout the day. It’s more challenging than he realizes. I have to stop working to feed and then my son gets annoyed at times and wants to be held or wants to be interacted with while he is awake. I’m going back FT next month and just don’t know how I will manage without help. I need to convince him we need to help.

Don't most jobs require you to have childcare if you WFH full-time?

I agree with the PP - take the bull by the horns and hire someone. He's not even home - how does he know how the day goes with the baby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he won’t, just hire the help yourself. Give him the option of helping you pick someone out but otherwise just hire them.

If he balks, offer to hire someone part time for your half of the hours. So say you’re responsible for baby 8-1, he is 1-6. Hire someone to cover your hours and he can care for baby solo during his hours. Or hire someone 3 days a week and he can be responsible for the baby on the other 2 days.

OP here. Not possible. He doesn’t work from home.

Then stop being a doormat. Your husband is a dick. He thinks it’s NBD if you do two people’s jobs. And stop trying to convince him. Hire a full time nanny or sign up for daycare. Those are the only options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband works FT and I work PT and we have an infant son. We need to hire help because working and caring for a baby is hard work. He knows it’s tough and tries to be involved as possible, but he doesn’t think we need any help. He thinks because the baby sleeps most of the day and is only awake for a short time, I can manage throughout the day. It’s more challenging than he realizes. I have to stop working to feed and then my son gets annoyed at times and wants to be held or wants to be interacted with while he is awake. I’m going back FT next month and just don’t know how I will manage without help. I need to convince him we need to help.

Don't most jobs require you to have childcare if you WFH full-time?

I agree with the PP - take the bull by the horns and hire someone. He's not even home - how does he know how the day goes with the baby?

I know people who worked FT and still cared for their kids on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband works FT and I work PT and we have an infant son. We need to hire help because working and caring for a baby is hard work. He knows it’s tough and tries to be involved as possible, but he doesn’t think we need any help. He thinks because the baby sleeps most of the day and is only awake for a short time, I can manage throughout the day. It’s more challenging than he realizes. I have to stop working to feed and then my son gets annoyed at times and wants to be held or wants to be interacted with while he is awake. I’m going back FT next month and just don’t know how I will manage without help. I need to convince him we need to help.

Don't most jobs require you to have childcare if you WFH full-time?

I agree with the PP - take the bull by the horns and hire someone. He's not even home - how does he know how the day goes with the baby?

I know people who worked FT and still cared for their kids on their own.

There's always this person on every thread, isn't there?

[Anonymous]

What if you kept track of the times you were actually able to work over a day or two and showed him the data? Or perhaps the two of you together could keep track of the time blocks on a weekend day when work was potentially feasible, based on the baby's schedule?

You should also make sure he reads up on a baby development. Does he have any idea what a day looks like for a 3-month? A 9-month-old? Babies do not sleep all day magically until the day they enter kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband works FT and I work PT and we have an infant son. We need to hire help because working and caring for a baby is hard work. He knows it’s tough and tries to be involved as possible, but he doesn’t think we need any help. He thinks because the baby sleeps most of the day and is only awake for a short time, I can manage throughout the day. It’s more challenging than he realizes. I have to stop working to feed and then my son gets annoyed at times and wants to be held or wants to be interacted with while he is awake. I’m going back FT next month and just don’t know how I will manage without help. I need to convince him we need to help.

Don't most jobs require you to have childcare if you WFH full-time?

I agree with the PP - take the bull by the horns and hire someone. He's not even home - how does he know how the day goes with the baby?

I know people who worked FT and still cared for their kids on their own.

Yeah, but they tag-teamed. OP’s DH wants to do his job unencumbered while OP does both all on her own.

OP, this is really not okay. You need to hire help. It’s not fair to you or to your employer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband works FT and I work PT and we have an infant son. We need to hire help because working and caring for a baby is hard work. He knows it’s tough and tries to be involved as possible, but he doesn’t think we need any help. He thinks because the baby sleeps most of the day and is only awake for a short time, I can manage throughout the day. It’s more challenging than he realizes. I have to stop working to feed and then my son gets annoyed at times and wants to be held or wants to be interacted with while he is awake. I’m going back FT next month and just don’t know how I will manage without help. I need to convince him we need to help.

Don't most jobs require you to have childcare if you WFH full-time?

I agree with the PP - take the bull by the horns and hire someone. He's not even home - how does he know how the day goes with the baby?

I know people who worked FT and still cared for their kids on their own.

They are probably bad at both things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband works FT and I work PT and we have an infant son. We need to hire help because working and caring for a baby is hard work. He knows it’s tough and tries to be involved as possible, but he doesn’t think we need any help. He thinks because the baby sleeps most of the day and is only awake for a short time, I can manage throughout the day. It’s more challenging than he realizes. I have to stop working to feed and then my son gets annoyed at times and wants to be held or wants to be interacted with while he is awake. I’m going back FT next month and just don’t know how I will manage without help. I need to convince him we need to help.

Don't most jobs require you to have childcare if you WFH full-time?

I agree with the PP - take the bull by the horns and hire someone. He's not even home - how does he know how the day goes with the baby?

I know people who worked FT and still cared for their kids on their own.

An infant????? LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if you kept track of the times you were actually able to work over a day or two and showed him the data? Or perhaps the two of you together could keep track of the time blocks on a weekend day when work was potentially feasible, based on the baby's schedule?

You should also make sure he reads up on a baby development. Does he have any idea what a day looks like for a 3-month? A 9-month-old? Babies do not sleep all day magically until the day they enter kindergarten.

What if she didn't?

Her husband has no issue with leaving the house everyday to work FT without a worry in the world that his child is being cared for. OP stating what she needs childcare to perform her job is not something she has to prove. It's just the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband works FT and I work PT and we have an infant son. We need to hire help because working and caring for a baby is hard work. He knows it’s tough and tries to be involved as possible, but he doesn’t think we need any help. He thinks because the baby sleeps most of the day and is only awake for a short time, I can manage throughout the day. It’s more challenging than he realizes. I have to stop working to feed and then my son gets annoyed at times and wants to be held or wants to be interacted with while he is awake. I’m going back FT next month and just don’t know how I will manage without help. I need to convince him we need to help.

Don't most jobs require you to have childcare if you WFH full-time?

I agree with the PP - take the bull by the horns and hire someone. He's not even home - how does he know how the day goes with the baby?

I know people who worked FT and still cared for their kids on their own.

Sanctimommy martyr alert!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband works FT and I work PT and we have an infant son. We need to hire help because working and caring for a baby is hard work. He knows it’s tough and tries to be involved as possible, but he doesn’t think we need any help. He thinks because the baby sleeps most of the day and is only awake for a short time, I can manage throughout the day. It’s more challenging than he realizes. I have to stop working to feed and then my son gets annoyed at times and wants to be held or wants to be interacted with while he is awake. I’m going back FT next month and just don’t know how I will manage without help. I need to convince him we need to help.

Don't most jobs require you to have childcare if you WFH full-time?

I agree with the PP - take the bull by the horns and hire someone. He's not even home - how does he know how the day goes with the baby?

I know people who worked FT and still cared for their kids on their own.

Not happening these days, great-grandma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if you kept track of the times you were actually able to work over a day or two and showed him the data? Or perhaps the two of you together could keep track of the time blocks on a weekend day when work was potentially feasible, based on the baby's schedule?

You should also make sure he reads up on a baby development. Does he have any idea what a day looks like for a 3-month? A 9-month-old? Babies do not sleep all day magically until the day they enter kindergarten.

What if she didn't?

Her husband has no issue with leaving the house everyday to work FT without a worry in the world that his child is being cared for. OP stating what she needs childcare to perform her job is not something she has to prove. It's just the truth.

+1. She shouldn’t have to prove she needs help. It’s common sense you can’t care for a child and work FT.

Just hire the help and if H doesn’t like it, he can quit his job or move to WFH and do it himself.