What Would You Say is Inappropriate Touching Between Opposite Friends

[Anonymous]

she's into you

[Anonymous]

It's very context dependent.

I'm a cis straight white man. One of my best friends was a white lesbian (she died of cancer in her 30s, RIP). We would occasionally kiss each other with a quick joking peck on the lips as a greeting, frequently walked arm-in-arm, would cuddle on the couch when watching a movie with a big group of friends in the living room of my NYC apartment, etc.

We both had serious significant others and it was never an issue. There was no mistaking our physical interaction for anything more than just good friends.

I've hugged people at work, when it's someone I know well and we haven't seen each other in a long time.

One of my old roommates (woman) is a great friend of mine and we always walk arm-in-arm when we visit her in NYC. We have a sibling relationship, it's nothing untoward. We are both married and neither of our spouses care.

[Anonymous]

My take on this. And this could be same-gendered if you were interested in the same gender.

Holding hands - 4 - Mostly inappropriate, unless there is some extenuating circumstance, such as I've been drinking and you are helping me across the street. Or my knees are bad and you are helping me up the stairs.
Walking arm in arm - 3 - It could go either way. My old college friends I'd do this with. My newer neighborhood friends I would not. But if I were cold and they were keeping me warm? Sure. If I was wobbly and they were helping me accross the street safely, again, sure. Similar situations would also be OK.
Hugging - 1 - Mostly appropriate, but sometimes I just don't want to hug you. You know who you are.
Hugging with a kiss to the chest - 5- WTF totally innapproriate if my male friends kissed my chest I'd slap them. Also, how short ARE they? Little people excluded here.
Kissing on the cheek - 0 - 100% OK. I'm fine with this. Your cheek is so not sexy.
Kissing in the lips - 4 - mostly innappropriate. But if you are drinking that may happen by accident with no ill-intent.
Cuddling - 5 - highly inappropriate, unless you are stuck in a snowstorm with no heat in an uninsulated tent.

0 is highly appropriate. 5 highly inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

OP, in this case, you are into the signals she is sending, and she is sending the signals that she is interested in being more than friends.

[Anonymous]

This is funny because I am again reminded how oblivious I am to flirting or any kind of interest in me. I went out with friends/colleagues recently and ended up spending most of the night chatting with one guy in particular. He was 100% cuddling up against me, and touching me some (my arm and so on), in addition to lots of (in retrospect) verbal signals. When I relayed the story to him later, my husband had to hit me over the head with a 2x4 to get me to realize the guy had been flirting with me.

[Anonymous]

If you’re both single, I don’t think any are inappropriate. I did a lot of those with male friends, usually we’d hook up, which is fine as long as everyone is single.

If married/in a relationship, I think only hugging is appropriate, and it depends on the kind of hug. A quick goodbye hug, or consoling someone who is grieving? Totally fine. A long, full-body hug where your crotches are touching? Not okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is funny because I am again reminded how oblivious I am to flirting or any kind of interest in me. I went out with friends/colleagues recently and ended up spending most of the night chatting with one guy in particular. He was 100% cuddling up against me, and touching me some (my arm and so on), in addition to lots of (in retrospect) verbal signals. When I relayed the story to him later, my husband had to hit me over the head with a 2x4 to get me to realize the guy had been flirting with me.

Is"and so on"code for yadda, yadda, yadda???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, in this case, you are into the signals she is sending, and she is sending the signals that she is interested in being more than friends.

I'm feeling a bit confused, because we have both had mutual attraction but I backed off because she told me awhile back she just wanted to be friends, and yet.... here we are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My take on this. And this could be same-gendered if you were interested in the same gender.

Holding hands - 4 - Mostly inappropriate, unless there is some extenuating circumstance, such as I've been drinking and you are helping me across the street. Or my knees are bad and you are helping me up the stairs.
Walking arm in arm - 3 - It could go either way. My old college friends I'd do this with. My newer neighborhood friends I would not. But if I were cold and they were keeping me warm? Sure. If I was wobbly and they were helping me accross the street safely, again, sure. Similar situations would also be OK.
Hugging - 1 - Mostly appropriate, but sometimes I just don't want to hug you. You know who you are.
Hugging with a kiss to the chest - 5- WTF totally innapproriate if my male friends kissed my chest I'd slap them. Also, how short ARE they? Little people excluded here.
Kissing on the cheek - 0 - 100% OK. I'm fine with this. Your cheek is so not sexy.
Kissing in the lips - 4 - mostly innappropriate. But if you are drinking that may happen by accident with no ill-intent.
Cuddling - 5 - highly inappropriate, unless you are stuck in a snowstorm with no heat in an uninsulated tent.

0 is highly appropriate. 5 highly inappropriate.

I'm 5'10". She's between 5'3" - 5'4"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My take on this. And this could be same-gendered if you were interested in the same gender.

Holding hands - 4 - Mostly inappropriate, unless there is some extenuating circumstance, such as I've been drinking and you are helping me across the street. Or my knees are bad and you are helping me up the stairs.
Walking arm in arm - 3 - It could go either way. My old college friends I'd do this with. My newer neighborhood friends I would not. But if I were cold and they were keeping me warm? Sure. If I was wobbly and they were helping me accross the street safely, again, sure. Similar situations would also be OK.
Hugging - 1 - Mostly appropriate, but sometimes I just don't want to hug you. You know who you are.
Hugging with a kiss to the chest - 5- WTF totally innapproriate if my male friends kissed my chest I'd slap them. Also, how short ARE they? Little people excluded here.
Kissing on the cheek - 0 - 100% OK. I'm fine with this. Your cheek is so not sexy.
Kissing in the lips - 4 - mostly innappropriate. But if you are drinking that may happen by accident with no ill-intent.
Cuddling - 5 - highly inappropriate, unless you are stuck in a snowstorm with no heat in an uninsulated tent.

0 is highly appropriate. 5 highly inappropriate.

I'm 5'10". She's between 5'3" - 5'4"

I was thinking female getting kissed on the chest. kind of always inappropriate. Also, I'm married. None of this is innappropriate if she's flirting with you and you like it.

[Anonymous]

I'll see whether she continues this way or not going forward. We probably won't see each other for a month or so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On a scale of 0-5, please rate the level of inappropriate touching between opposite sex friends:

0 is highly appropriate. 5 highly inappropriate.

Holding hands
Walking arm in arm
Hugging
Hugging with a kiss to the chest
Kissing on the cheek
Kissing in the lips
Cuddling

everything but the cheek kiss is a 5 if you're married

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On a scale of 0-5, please rate the level of inappropriate touching between opposite sex friends:

0 is highly appropriate. 5 highly inappropriate.

Holding hands
Walking arm in arm
Hugging
Hugging with a kiss to the chest
Kissing on the cheek
Kissing in the lips
Cuddling

Cultural, totally. In most of Europe kissing on the cheek would happen regularly between colleagues.

America is weirdly puritanical. Within that context, only hugging between opposite sex friends seems to be deemed totally appropriate. I would also walk arm in arm with a close guy friend.

Holding hands, kissing on the lips, cuddling — probably inappropriate if you’re married.

Why do people always post crap like this? Are most Americans really so ignorant that they think of Europe as a cultural monolith? As if Romanians and Scots and Swedes and Greeks all have the same culture and norms?

It's very annoying and makes you sound ignorant. PSA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is funny because I am again reminded how oblivious I am to flirting or any kind of interest in me. I went out with friends/colleagues recently and ended up spending most of the night chatting with one guy in particular. He was 100% cuddling up against me, and touching me some (my arm and so on), in addition to lots of (in retrospect) verbal signals. When I relayed the story to him later, my husband had to hit me over the head with a 2x4 to get me to realize the guy had been flirting with me.

Bull. If you were so clueless about it and it was such a nothingburger, then why were you telling your DH about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, in this case, you are into the signals she is sending, and she is sending the signals that she is interested in being more than friends.

I'm feeling a bit confused, because we have both had mutual attraction but I backed off because she told me awhile back she just wanted to be friends, and yet.... here we are.

I can't stand attention seeking game playing women like her. I bet if you started dating someone or expressing in another woman she'd be miffed.