Beating the dead horse again (sexless marriage)

[Anonymous]

I have been in your situation for years. It doesn't get better. I wonder if he is gay or has some hangup. This is not normal.

No real advice but if you were looking for permission to have an affair, 3 years of sexlessness is plenty of an excuse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been in your situation for years. It doesn't get better. I wonder if he is gay or has some hangup. This is not normal.

No real advice but if you were looking for permission to have an affair, 3 years of sexlessness is plenty of an excuse

It really isn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask him to get a vasectomy since you have agreed not to have another child and the pill kills your libido and works on a plan to improve your fitness together. He raised the issue not you, but you can take the lead. Suggesting you open your marriage was pretty dumb but it’s water under the bridge. In terms of pity sex, why not have it and make it so worth his time and effort that he comes back for more.

I asked to open the marriage because I myself feel more mad at him than anything else in terms of sex. I feel that my crushes may grow into something. I have not thought this part through at all. He’s fine being just parents and buddies, and we are a good team in that regard. You’d never know we have no sex. I also had a night sex drive before kids but I was naive and relatively inexperienced and thought sex does not matter.

I tried to be accommodating and understanding but I am not sure whether, at this point, I want sex with him. It’s been 3 years, ffs.

*higher

He sounds like he has real issues. I would tell him if he doesn’t want to divorce, he needs to start therapy with you immediately. Give him 3-6 months to get things going again, at that point if you have to open the marriage then hopefully he’ll at least accept it. I think opening now though will create more issues than it solves. You also sound as if you’re hungering for real intimacy, unclear whether you will be able to get that from an affair. Good luck… it’s definitely possible to light a flame again, but you need a willing partner.

By issues, I mean that he sounds as if he doesn’t love himself. Comments about his body, about opening the marriage… he almost sounds disgusted by sex and desire. I am not saying every guy needs to be open minded but his reaction is extreme. Hopefully he’ll figure out how to work through it. Could he be depressed?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been in your situation for years. It doesn't get better. I wonder if he is gay or has some hangup. This is not normal.

No real advice but if you were looking for permission to have an affair, 3 years of sexlessness is plenty of an excuse

It really isn’t.

I know you chime in on every thread to ensure there is never an excuse for cheating but in case you wonder....people who are in sexless marriages, their spouses usually don't care if there is cheating. Often it is relief.

But anyway, her choice is cheat, divorce or be miserable.

[Anonymous]

Get an iud and have the pity sex. Set your husband up for it by giving him the day off kids and encourage him to go do something he enjoys outside. See how it goes.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he needs anxiety meds or antidepressants or something. I don’t think anything will get solved until he addresses his mental heath issues

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get an iud and have the pity sex. Set your husband up for it by giving him the day off kids and encourage him to go do something he enjoys outside. See how it goes.

If you try this I would be really direct with him. Tell him the negative talk about the bodies turns you off. Tell him you find him attractive, if you do, that you like your body. Take a shower and light some candles. Cuddle and massage or whatever might get you close without having to have sex. Maybe you can frame it as you miss being touched.

[Anonymous]

Blue pill needed?

I got divorced bc of sexless marriage… but in 30s, that was not an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been in your situation for years. It doesn't get better. I wonder if he is gay or has some hangup. This is not normal.

No real advice but if you were looking for permission to have an affair, 3 years of sexlessness is plenty of an excuse

It really isn’t.

I know you chime in on every thread to ensure there is never an excuse for cheating but in case you wonder....people who are in sexless marriages, their spouses usually don't care if there is cheating. Often it is relief.

But anyway, her choice is cheat, divorce or be miserable.

I promise there is more than one person out there who doesn’t think that a sexless marriage is justification for cheating. And I have no idea why you’d think OPs husband would be thrilled about it, he already nixed the open marriage idea.

It’s amazing how many people care so little about their spouses enough to cheat on them yet want to stay married to them.


The other posters are right, OP’s husband needs major therapy. I hope he can get help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been in your situation for years. It doesn't get better. I wonder if he is gay or has some hangup. This is not normal.

No real advice but if you were looking for permission to have an affair, 3 years of sexlessness is plenty of an excuse

It really isn’t.

It really is. Be grateful you haven’t experienced it.

[Anonymous]

PEOPLE, JUST HAVE SEX WITH YOUR SPOUSE, FFS!!!

WTF is this so difficult to understand?

[Anonymous]

Hugs, OP.

Hope you guys work this out.

And to those bitter, man-hating women on DCUM: go to ****. Women too, suffer in sexless marriages. It happens and it’s a difficult, sad thing.

It’s not just men.

Peace, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PEOPLE, JUST HAVE SEX WITH YOUR SPOUSE, FFS!!!

WTF is this so difficult to understand?

I think you hace problems understand. Her spouse doesn't want to have sex with her. It's been 3 years.

[Anonymous]

*have

[Anonymous]

It feels really gross to be the person “receiving” pity sex. The person giving it does not want to do it whatsoever and they are forcing themselves to. It absolutely does not feel like it’s consensual, and is definitely not loving or enjoyable.