Had an epiphany

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. Please dine healthy friends to do these excellent life experiences with.

The addictive, easy vices (video games, goofing around) your spouse and kids are selecting will not build character or real skills, especially id that’s all they do. Hopefully they do their homework, a couple sports or activities and get out there at some camps or outdoor things.

Sorry your spouse is a gamer.

[Anonymous]

*find

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do I feel like this is the spouse who enjoys the luxe hotel vacations hoping the camping spouse sees this post and has the epiphany?

There are a lot of types of vacations or long weekends besides vegging in a high rise versus camping outside.
Cultural trips to historic cities/countries, lake trips, beach trips, hiking island trips, mountain ski trips, rent an Airbnb in an old town square, culinary trips, performing arts trips, sports game trips, zoo or safari trips, cruises or amusement park trips, houseboat trips, museum city trips. And many places you can do a mix of things, a mix of enjoy the resort grounds plus a day trip here or there.

Plus Airbnb or timeshares or plain hotels are an option versus whatever easy pricey thing your spouse quickly selected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get rid of the tent but save the hiking gear. Go on vacations near resorts with amazing scenery like the Broadmoor in Colorado, rent a cool house at Lake Tahoe. Make sure there is good Wi-Fi. Spend some time hiking, let the kids play video games in the room if they want, see a movie, swim etc.

Ok. I just need to get rid of this crazy discomfort I feel around dropping several thousand dollars on accommodations when I would enjoy sleeping in a tent much more for far less than a tenth of the price. But I also need to remember I also easily spent a grand on all the camping gear- tents, sleeping pads, sleeping bags, lighting, and the kitchen/cooking stuff.

I also need to let go of this vision/fantasy I have of our family and our camping trips together, leaving our devices at home, coming together to pack up the car, work to build a fire, put up the tent, cook together, and just enjoy the simplicity and beauty of nature. Sigh. It is hard. It really is something I wanted for our family but I’m realizing I do have to take everyone’s desires into consideration when planning family activities- not just my own vision.

You’re just now realizing that you “have to take everyone’s desires into consideration” when planning time THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO ENJOY WITH YOU? Change your ways right this second, or don’t come pouting and whining when…surprise!…your adult children don’t want to vacation with you or spend holidays with you.

I guess you do kind of plan things around what the parents want to do when kids are very young. But now their likes and dislikes are much stronger and they are older and more opinionated. Just requires some pivoting to take everyone’s desires into consideration. My husband likes his staycations, zoos, and high-rise condo type trips and minimalist packing (as in whatever will fit into one backpack) and does not pack or carry for anyone but himself. One kid likes the outdoorsy stuff but doesn’t like to do any of the work involved around it. Another prefers staying at home with the usual comforts in their own bed, with ready access to screens. The other kid hates bugs and public bathrooms but likes amusement parks and rides. So, it’s not like I haven’t planned activities around all these desires- it’s just that when it comes to the things I enjoy, I have been especially persistent and proactive about planning them.

[Anonymous]

I don’t like your epiphany at all. You seem to have very black/white thinking. Giving up your idea of a good time completely is just as bad as trying to force your family into your vision. Agree with the others to work harder to find the middle ground.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do I feel like this is the spouse who enjoys the luxe hotel vacations hoping the camping spouse sees this post and has the epiphany?

There are a lot of types of vacations or long weekends besides vegging in a high rise versus camping outside.
Cultural trips to historic cities/countries, lake trips, beach trips, hiking island trips, mountain ski trips, rent an Airbnb in an old town square, culinary trips, performing arts trips, sports game trips, zoo or safari trips, cruises or amusement park trips, houseboat trips, museum city trips. And many places you can do a mix of things, a mix of enjoy the resort grounds plus a day trip here or there.

Plus Airbnb or timeshares or plain hotels are an option versus whatever easy pricey thing your spouse quickly selected.

Lake trips have worked for all of us pretty well. So thanks for the reminder. beach trips have been ok too. Mountain ski trip was a disaster but might work if we rented a house instead of a hotel room. I’m not a huge fan of zoo/safari trips, but my family is, and we have done a few of those so I guess we can plan a few more. We do a yearly amusement park trip which is fun for the kids and not fun for me and the husband. My husband hates urban/city type places or places that have crowds, so we tend to avoid city trips. But I sometimes get to do a weekend getaway in a city with friends so I do get my city fix once every couple years or so. We have not done a hiking island trip and that sounds like something we all might enjoy.

Thanks for all the great ideas!! Maybe I have been limiting myself….and on further thought, I think I have just gotten over doing all the planning, prepping, packing, organizing, cooking, shopping, cleaning, cheerleading, and leading, for minimal reward, and am just ready for lazier vacations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t like your epiphany at all. You seem to have very black/white thinking. Giving up your idea of a good time completely is just as bad as trying to force your family into your vision. Agree with the others to work harder to find the middle ground.

I’m tired of “working harder”- I am ready to go with the flow and follow the path of least resistance!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t like your epiphany at all. You seem to have very black/white thinking. Giving up your idea of a good time completely is just as bad as trying to force your family into your vision. Agree with the others to work harder to find the middle ground.

I’m tired of “working harder”- I am ready to go with the flow and follow the path of least resistance!

Also the problem with the activities I enjoy is that they take tremendous effort to include. It is not an easy “add-on” apart from hikes. So weighing the
Amount of effort I have to put into it to make it happen, vs the overall enjoyment factor for the whole family, it no longer seems worth the effort to me.

[Anonymous]

The path of least resistance is to go to an AI. Each person can find something that they enjoy.

Or join an eco adventure group tour for yourself once in a while to scratch that itch.

Look, your family has different needs than you, and they're not putting any effort into group activities. Disappointing? Yes. But, they never asked you to go to such length planning the trips that you did, and that's on you, not on them. Whenever you get resentful, keep that in mind. Nobody asked you to do what you did.

My mom was the same way. Steamrolled us into doing things her way and got resentful when we were not appropriately appreciative or helpful. It was exhausting for all of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The path of least resistance is to go to an AI. Each person can find something that they enjoy.

Or join an eco adventure group tour for yourself once in a while to scratch that itch.

Look, your family has different needs than you, and they're not putting any effort into group activities. Disappointing? Yes. But, they never asked you to go to such length planning the trips that you did, and that's on you, not on them. Whenever you get resentful, keep that in mind. Nobody asked you to do what you did.

My mom was the same way. Steamrolled us into doing things her way and got resentful when we were not appropriately appreciative or helpful. It was exhausting for all of us.

All these "steamrolling" comments seem misplaced. There are two grown ups in this house, and it seems like they enjoy different things for vacation. It also seems like, up until now, they have been doing both types of trips, with one adult happy and one adult miserable. Hard to tell without knowing more about the dynamic, but it seems like both adults have been dragging the other along on their version of a fun vacation, instead of thinking creatively to find activities that everyone might enjoy. If OP is a steamroller, then so is her DH (and kids) for insisting on a type of vacation that she does not enjoy.

OP, you have gotten a lot of good suggestions on this thread for ways to enjoy camping without your family and to find compromises and alternatives to the either/or dilemma currently at play in your family. If you can put aside the name calling and people projecting their childhood issues onto you, hopefully you can find some good ideas for a third way forward to more enjoyable vacations.

[Anonymous]

I think you’d be better off if you alternate the trips, or take a few weekend camping trips.

I think the world of my DH and my kids, but I am not sleeping in a tent for a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you have your cake and eat it too? Some outdoorsy stuff, just less of it. Different vacations each year, etc.

Outdoors stuff can be fun but nobody likes a parents’ forced death March through the woods.

We camp once a year. It’s fun, it’s also enough.

Yes, this. Do a bit of what you like and a bit of what they like? And pitch it that way. That's what I do with my family.

[Anonymous]

I am biased as my kids like or put up with camping and my husband loves it I like it but I have found it is such a better way to vacation with kids. They have to put tents up, hammocks up, go find kindling - let's them blow off steam. The key for us is finding cool campsites - if it is on a lake where we can boat/swim - huge bonus. Or if it is near cool hikes, amazing views, restaurants/towsn you can walk to.

I prefer sleeping in my tent with fresh air over iffy hotels. That said - the suggestion to do resorts/Air BNBs in outdoorsy places might work. What does your family like to do outside? If anything. Horses? White water rafting? Kayaking? Rock Climbing? Mountain Biking? Caving? Animal sightings? Anything? If so - build it around that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you’d be better off if you alternate the trips, or take a few weekend camping trips.

I think the world of my DH and my kids, but I am not sleeping in a tent for a week.

Oh we’ve never done more than 1 or 2 nights! I know better than that- ha! Husband says weekends do not work for him- that’s his time to recuperate and catch up on sleep, not lose sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am biased as my kids like or put up with camping and my husband loves it I like it but I have found it is such a better way to vacation with kids. They have to put tents up, hammocks up, go find kindling - let's them blow off steam. The key for us is finding cool campsites - if it is on a lake where we can boat/swim - huge bonus. Or if it is near cool hikes, amazing views, restaurants/towsn you can walk to.

I prefer sleeping in my tent with fresh air over iffy hotels. That said - the suggestion to do resorts/Air BNBs in outdoorsy places might work. What does your family like to do outside? If anything. Horses? White water rafting? Kayaking? Rock Climbing? Mountain Biking? Caving? Animal sightings? Anything? If so - build it around that.

For some reason I never thought of it that way- planning around other attractions. Most of us like white water rafting and rock climbing, animals. Husband and I like kayaking but kids hate it. We all like hanging near a lake. So maybe we can plan a once a year trip that might involve some sort of fun activity like rafting and combine it with an overnight.

And yes I love tent sleeping much more than hotels, where I once got eaten alive by bed bugs.