79 years old -- my mom looks and feels great, and is not needy at all

[Anonymous]

I think the key is keeping active, honestly. I see it with my parents.

My mom didn't retire until 72, and that was basically a forced retirement because the company she was working for outsourced her department overseas. It just so happened that the end of her time at the company coincided with the pandemic, so until recently she was still receiving unemployment. If there wasn't a pandemic, I'm sure she would have looked for some type of job because she loves working. She knows that at 72, even if she looks younger, she doesn't look THAT much younger and probably will have a hard time getting another job like she had.

Anyway, my dad has been retired since he was in his late 60s, and it is like night and day with them. He's very content to sit around watching TV, movies, and reading. He will go play a round of golf occasionally, but most times he and his buddies play 9 holes and then spend the rest of the time at the bar. He has zero desire to travel more than going to visit family. He has zero desire to participate in classes or volunteering. I've seen the weight gain happening and also just the general mental decline with him. He also just looks older and older each time I see him.

My mom has a close group of friends that she does things with. She walks each morning with the "grannies" (hilarious that she doesn't consider herself one), volunteers at the local animal shelter as a dog walker, has done a few virtual classes to learn new skills, etc. Compared to my dad, she's just so much livelier overall because of keeping busy.

[Anonymous]

What is the point of this smug thread?

My MIL is in her late 70s and still extremely independent and travelling the world, literally. No real medical issues and able to keep up with the best of them.

My mother is in her late 50s and is having cascading medical issues. She can't walk around a store without getting very winded and I am scared she will not last that many more years.

Some of this is luck and some is choices. But your smugness about your mom's health is not serving any purpose whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

Same for my MIL, OP, who is early 80s and still working also.

I think that continuing to work, even part-time, can be a huge help. Or, it may be that people who are able to continue working are able to do so because they are mentally and physically healthier in the first place.

[Anonymous]

My mom was thin, heathy, and active her whole life. In her mid-60s, she started having heath issues which turned into a fast decline. She extremely needy now in her mid-70s.

Her sister, on the other hand, is 80 years old, barely exercised in her life, and is a dynamite who still works.

You just never know.

[Anonymous]

My mom was the same way. Active and healthy all her life. Then at 78 she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and died within months.

Sometimes it's just luck of the draw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both my parents are 77, but my Dad looks 10 years older and my Mom looks 10 years younger. My Dad is sedentary, eats soda and ice cream everyday. My Mom is always moving and eats a very Asian diet.

Why is it always the men who are sedentary and the women who are active? It is the same with my parents.

Also, when out in public I've noticed that more often than not, when you see an elderly couple, it's the woman helping the frailer looking man

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both my parents are 77, but my Dad looks 10 years older and my Mom looks 10 years younger. My Dad is sedentary, eats soda and ice cream everyday. My Mom is always moving and eats a very Asian diet.

Why is it always the men who are sedentary and the women who are active? It is the same with my parents.

Also, when out in public I've noticed that more often than not, when you see an elderly couple, it's the woman helping the frailer looking man

It's not always. My ILs are the opposite as are some other couples I know. But if that is true, then it might be because men don't have social support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both my parents are 77, but my Dad looks 10 years older and my Mom looks 10 years younger. My Dad is sedentary, eats soda and ice cream everyday. My Mom is always moving and eats a very Asian diet.

Why is it always the men who are sedentary and the women who are active? It is the same with my parents.

Also, when out in public I've noticed that more often than not, when you see an elderly couple, it's the woman helping the frailer looking man

It is not always this way. My mom is much more sedentary than my dad. This was also the case for my ILs, though my FIL wound up getting cancer and passing away in his mid-70s. And now his death has exacerbated my MILs tendency to be sedentary and not take very good care of herself.

It's not always the men. There are plenty of women in this age group who don't stay active enough for a variety of reasons. Aging is incredibly hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On this forum, I read about a lot of people whose parents are in their late 70's, and seem to be kind of a mess, or very needy.

Not trying to rub it in at all, but age 79 should not mean that a person is a hopeless mess.

My mom is 79, and she still works (elected politician), looks great, works out daily, dresses really nicely, has done of friends, and is just a very strong person. (My mom has been widowed since at 59, but she has a big group of friends who like to travel together, go to symphony concerts, etc.)

She is not needy AT ALL.

My mom went to her high school reunion recently (high school class of 1960). She sent me a photo of her with all of her classmates. Her classmates all look old and kind of like they have let themselves go. My mom (without ANY plastic surgery) looks so much younger than they are -- she is slim and always dresses in a stylish way.

When I hear about other peoples' parents who are kind of a mess at this age, it seems like it does not need to be that way.

Cool story

[Anonymous]

My grandmother is 92 and still mentally sharp and quite healthy but certainly with some aches and pains. She lives alone and drives a red SUV. My Mom is 70 and looks and acts much younger than her age. My friends can’t believe she is 70 and married 45 years. I hope I have inherited their genes!

[Anonymous]

That's great OP.

I could have said just as many positive things about my mother - who was a community leader, scientist, mentor, world traveller....

Unfortunately she was also exposed to Agent Orange extensively as a child because it was in pesticides applied to the crops her father farmed.

So she had unusual and awful cancers which ended her life well before she wanted to (at 79).

Nothing she could possibly have done about that.

My father died at 78. He had lifelong health problems stemming from a drunk driver hitting him head on in his 20's. Nothing he could have done about that.

Both of my parents were a success story for thriving as long as they did.

Probably best to keep the assumptions and judgments you're making from your very limited experience to yourself.

[Anonymous]

At 72 my dad had not retired, rode his bike to work, and bragged about how people thought is was much younger than he was. By 74 he had been diagnosed with Parkinson's, asked to retire, was no longer even able to walk steadily. Luckily he planned well for changes even though he was very independent for a long time.

Enjoy the time with your mom OP because things change very quickly in that age range.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like my mom at 78. Now she is 90..different story. Enjoy your time with her as it passes by fast.

[Anonymous]

Of course this forum isn’t full of people posting to say, “Everything is going great with my parents. Alive and well at 79.” People post when there is a problem or they have a question. It’s the same reason the relationship forum isn’t full of people posting to say, “I’m happily married. Nothing to report here.”

[Anonymous]

My parents did really well until after their mid 80s. Then it was downhill really fast. Don't get too complacent OP.