Does your husband talk down to you in front of your kids?

[Anonymous]

My wife did that for years. When they were young, my kids thought I was an ass because they trusted my wife and thought she would talk to me that way unless I was in the wrong aomehow. When my kids got older, they figured out what was happening. Kids got annoyed at wife. We are no longer together and, to her surprise, kids did not take her side. They all took mine or stayed neutral.

[Anonymous]

Couples counseling.

When someone else noted the post was similar, I was wondering if my prior posts would have fit that bill. My husband and I have a fairly equitable share of the household. I am the main wage earner and does a bit more of the pickups and everything else is generally split. But, he has a need to control the house and can be quite short and authoritarian. I hate the kids see this dynamic. Recently, he was agitated by my leaving on video controls for the kids a few times so he was going to take away my administrator access and have to text him to let the kids use devices when he is not home. Or lecture me about some housework issue, etc. Our issues are bigger than this one issue, but for your situation, his reaction to you is not okay and you need a way to talk about it with an understanding of how to navigate those issues in a different way. If you can’t achieve this in a conversation between you both, you need a third party to help navigate why he reacts that way, how he can stop that reaction and how you can help de-escalate (if possible).

[Anonymous]

No, but my wife does.

[Anonymous]

My ex-husband used to. Notice the ex part.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to stop engaging the moment his tone turns nasty.

Your mistake is trying to explain your side. STOP doing that! The moment he turns nasty you walk away. You disengage. The fewer words you speak, the better. You need to SHOW him. Telling him is ineffective, so stop talking. You can tell him to do it himself or simply that the conversation is over. Immediately walk away. You do not raise your voice—and do not pick up the Amazon package off the floor under any circumstances. It stays there until he deals with it.

If he follows you, you can say “I’m done talking.” Say it once, say it calmly and be DONE. Do not engage anymore.

[Anonymous]

My DH gets snippy if you don’t answer his question with as few words as possible in the most direct way. Yes, sometimes I ramble or sometimes his question is too narrow and is missing critical information, or is not clear. Lots of times I’m just seeking clarification and he is acting like I won’t answer him. I got over the top mad earlier this summer and it helped by maybe 70%. I’m going to try the “don’t engage” advice suggested earlier. Any other ideas?

[Anonymous]

I’m like this often with my husband. His complete lack of attention has impacted me, I’m resentful and sort of done. He needs adhd meds and we both need counseling.

Thank you for the mirror and check in. I’ll work on being calmer. I wish he’d get help too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex-husband used to. Notice the ex part.

So did my ex-wife. Notice the ex part.

[Anonymous]

My father talks down to my mother. She is super frustrating at times, BUT, he took out his frustrations out on her and us, all the time.

My DH disrespected me in front of someone once... ONCE. I let it go at that time because I did not want to escalate. But, once we were alone, I let him have it. I told him "don't you EVER talk to me like that again.. EVER!".

He apologized.

And no, he has never done this in front of our kids. It would not end well, and he knows it.

My kids are 13 and 16, and if he spoke that way to me, they would not like it, either. And IMO, it would hurt their relationship with their dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH gets snippy if you don’t answer his question with as few words as possible in the most direct way. Yes, sometimes I ramble or sometimes his question is too narrow and is missing critical information, or is not clear. Lots of times I’m just seeking clarification and he is acting like I won’t answer him. I got over the top mad earlier this summer and it helped by maybe 70%. I’m going to try the “don’t engage” advice suggested earlier. Any other ideas?

Ha.. we have the opposite problem. I am very direct in my response - short and sweet. DH rambles, and gives out long draw out answers. It bugs the kids, too.

[Anonymous]

I know it can be really rough when our spouses talk down to us in front of our children or not. But, he did apologize. We don't win battles by insisting we are right. We end battles by forgiving one another and moving past it. The fact that 95% of the time you have a solid relationship is a total blessing and I would focus on that and let go of the petty stuff. Compliment him with all the wonderful things he does do that bring you joy.

[Anonymous]

yes, unfortunately. He is impatient and impulsive and gets angry easily. Now that my kids are a bit older, they are starting to do it and I find myself being pissy back. I'm so tired of it. And unfortunately disengaging makes him more angry--what he wants is reaction and when I dont answer or take my time or am neutral sometimes that pushes him even more. so muchof this is situational--its definitely stress related, but its not an excuse. I think that, and his total inability to deal with finances, and paperwork, are the biggest issues in our marriage.

[Anonymous]

He doesn't talk down to me at all. His parents talk to each other respectfully.