Does your husband talk down to you in front of your kids?

[Anonymous]

DH asked me to do something on his way out the door this evening. 15yr old DS was there. I didn’t understand what he was asking (it was about processing an Amazon return and there were multiple orders/items to return and I was momentarily confused). He threw down the package and said he didn’t know why I was making it so complicated and that it was so simple and couldn’t be simpler. I tried to explain what I meant but I looked at DS and decided to let it go. When he got home I expected him to apologize, which he did for losing his temper, but he wanted me to apologize for being stubbornly insistent that I was right. I tried to explain that I was just confused and that my issue was the way he talked to me in front of DS. He knows exactly what he did (which is what his father does to his mother). I’m not backing down. It was humiliating. He’s an amazing partner 95% of the time, but this piece of him crushes me.

[Anonymous]

Never! He can say something stupid but not talk down to me. He knows better!

[Anonymous]

That example didn’t really illustrate what you are accusing him of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH asked me to do something on his way out the door this evening. 15yr old DS was there. I didn’t understand what he was asking (it was about processing an Amazon return and there were multiple orders/items to return and I was momentarily confused). He threw down the package and said he didn’t know why I was making it so complicated and that it was so simple and couldn’t be simpler. I tried to explain what I meant but I looked at DS and decided to let it go. When he got home I expected him to apologize, which he did for losing his temper, but he wanted me to apologize for being stubbornly insistent that I was right. I tried to explain that I was just confused and that my issue was the way he talked to me in front of DS. He knows exactly what he did (which is what his father does to his mother). I’m not backing down. It was humiliating. He’s an amazing partner 95% of the time, but this piece of him crushes me.

"You are welcome to do it yourself from now on."

My husband was a dick to me over what I packed for him when I packed a bag for a trip when he was really busy at work and I wasn't working at the time. I haven't packed a bag for him in 15 years.

[Anonymous]

OP: sorry. I realize this was kind of rambling. The point is his temper. And how he can turn on me in front of the kids. Always says I deserved it basically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: sorry. I realize this was kind of rambling. The point is his temper. And how he can turn on me in front of the kids. Always says I deserved it basically.

Have you posted about DH before? This bahvior sounds familiar

[Anonymous]

OP: no, but I suppose it’s not unique.

[Anonymous]

You don’t owe him an apology for this at all. At minimum, take 21:55’s advice.

You wrote that he apologized for losing his temper, but not for talking down to you or doing it in front of your child. There’s more to this iceberg than you’re seeing above the water. Unfortunately this is who your DH is.

https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/power-and-control/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: sorry. I realize this was kind of rambling. The point is his temper. And how he can turn on me in front of the kids. Always says I deserved it basically.

My ex-wife was like that. I divorced her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t owe him an apology for this at all. At minimum, take 21:55’s advice.

You wrote that he apologized for losing his temper, but not for talking down to you or doing it in front of your child. There’s more to this iceberg than you’re seeing above the water. Unfortunately this is who your DH is.

https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/power-and-control/

Only on DCUM does a total stranger tell another stranger who is 95% thrilled and in love with her spouse that said spouse is an abusive asshole. Because of course the bi**hes here know you, your husband and your marriage better than you do, OP.

[Anonymous]

My husband does not do that and i would be pissed if he did. That said, it stuck out in your OP that his dad did this to his mom. Hes now modeling that same behavior. That is worth a conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH asked me to do something on his way out the door this evening. 15yr old DS was there. I didn’t understand what he was asking (it was about processing an Amazon return and there were multiple orders/items to return and I was momentarily confused). He threw down the package and said he didn’t know why I was making it so complicated and that it was so simple and couldn’t be simpler. I tried to explain what I meant but I looked at DS and decided to let it go. When he got home I expected him to apologize, which he did for losing his temper, but he wanted me to apologize for being stubbornly insistent that I was right. I tried to explain that I was just confused and that my issue was the way he talked to me in front of DS. He knows exactly what he did (which is what his father does to his mother). I’m not backing down. It was humiliating. He’s an amazing partner 95% of the time, but this piece of him crushes me.

My DH has a short fuse sometimes when he is hungry or post work residue.

When he is like this, I try to stop conversing with him bc I know it will lead NO WHERE. But I agree, "You can do it yourself if you don't like me clarifying then". Model to your kids that you are not taking his crap. haha

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband does not do that and i would be pissed if he did. That said, it stuck out in your OP that his dad did this to his mom. Hes now modeling that same behavior. That is worth a conversation.

Yes. And to nip in the bud. If necessary see a therapist that helps address unfortunate patterns set from birth families, even just a couple sessions might help him see your side clearly

[Anonymous]

My husband sometimes does this to me and I call him on it directly, and will specifically point out that we should not model disrespect for our partner in front of our child. It’s actually the most compelling argument for him.

Just this last weekend he was in a bad mood and got annoyed with me and acted out by mimicking me (that thing people do where they pretend they are you but act dumb, to imply you were acting that way). I called him out immediately. It’s childish and hurtful. He apologized in front of our kid because I think that’s important too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband sometimes does this to me and I call him on it directly, and will specifically point out that we should not model disrespect for our partner in front of our child. It’s actually the most compelling argument for him.

Just this last weekend he was in a bad mood and got annoyed with me and acted out by mimicking me (that thing people do where they pretend they are you but act dumb, to imply you were acting that way). I called him out immediately. It’s childish and hurtful. He apologized in front of our kid because I think that’s important too.

Good for you. I need to do this with DH.