Did You Pick A Safe Guy?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I love him and I don’t want to think of a life without him. I can’t imagine not marrying him and having kids with him. I’m very much in love with him. I just wish he were a more adventurous. We are both introverts but I’m a more up for travel or trying new places. He likes to stick to the same places. I just miss having a partner who was willing to try new things. His other qualities far outweigh this but it would be nice.

[Anonymous]

What you need to discuss and work on before marriage is compromise and flexibility. It is great to acknowledge and accept each other the way you are, but it is not OK for one of you to always be the one in your comfort zone, and the other always the one compromising. You need to find the balance in the ship. He's the anchor, you are the sail, but you need to let him know that sometimes the relationship needs to pull up anchor and unfurl the sail; just remember to find the quiet port again to regroup.

Also make darn sure he's OK with you sailing off without him sometimes, and you are OK if he stays behind sometimes. Also with kids: do you want them to see the world? Will he go along with that? Will he join you at social functions with people you don't know well -- lots of expectations around that once kids are in school.

[Anonymous]

How long have you been dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you define exciting?

If by exciting you mean relationship drama or fighting then yes, you should ignore that. If you're bored like you're tired If sex of hanging out with him, you should break up.

OP here. Sex life is probably best I’ve had. I love being with him. No drama or fighting. He’s just not adventurous. I love to travel and had exes who used to love it but my boyfriend hates it. He doesn’t like to try new things. We go to the same places and the same restaurants all of the time. I will offer up other places and he will turn it down. I’ve really realized that this is just who he is.

I chose a “safe” guy in that he is stable, calm in most situations, not the life of the party. And I love all of those things about him. But we both love to try new restaurants and travel and explore. Sounds like you aren’t the right match.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I love him and I don’t want to think of a life without him. I can’t imagine not marrying him and having kids with him. I’m very much in love with him. I just wish he were a more adventurous. We are both introverts but I’m a more up for travel or trying new places. He likes to stick to the same places. I just miss having a partner who was willing to try new things. His other qualities far outweigh this but it would be nice.

BLah, blah, blah, if I had a dime for every miserably married or divorced woman who said this about her BF become husband I'd be Jeff Bezos level rich.


There can't be a but I wish... You either accept or you don't and if you are thinking this way when you are still in your honeymoon phase there's nothing but resentment in your future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been dating?

OP here. Almost a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my boyfriend but he is “ boring”. We have the same hobbies and I love him but he every “ vanilla”. I definitely will marry him and can’t see my life without him, but sometimes I do think about if I picked someone else. He’s the safe option. Does anyone else feel like they gave up a little bit of their wild self and ended up with a “ safe” guy? Someone very vanilla.

Define vanilla? What are your hobbies?

[Anonymous]

I went with the safe vanilla choice and now almost 10 yrs later...idk. it wasn't what I was expecting. At first it didn't bother me but dude still never has any opinions on many issues which is well, boring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you define exciting?

If by exciting you mean relationship drama or fighting then yes, you should ignore that. If you're bored like you're tired If sex of hanging out with him, you should break up.

OP here. Sex life is probably best I’ve had. I love being with him. No drama or fighting. He’s just not adventurous. I love to travel and had exes who used to love it but my boyfriend hates it. He doesn’t like to try new things. We go to the same places and the same restaurants all of the time. I will offer up other places and he will turn it down. I’ve really realized that this is just who he is.

TBH, this would drive me totally crazy. During the pandemic my husband and I found a lot of places to hike together and tried making a.bunch of new recipes. It was fun.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I married a safe guy who I loved very much. 15 yrs later, he wants a divorce. So much for safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I married a safe guy who I loved very much. 15 yrs later, he wants a divorce. So much for safe.

Why does he want a divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I married a safe guy who I loved very much. 15 yrs later, he wants a divorce. So much for safe.

Why does he want a divorce?

Short answer; he doesn’t feel the same & doesn’t want to try. He’s “done”. No affair. Lots of small stuff that wasn’t addressed along the way & led to resentment & growing apart. I wish I had done do much differently. It seems like it’s too little too late. 3 kids & im heartbroken.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I married a safe guy who I loved very much. 15 yrs later, he wants a divorce. So much for safe.

Why does he want a divorce?

Short answer; he doesn’t feel the same & doesn’t want to try. He’s “done”. No affair. Lots of small stuff that wasn’t addressed along the way & led to resentment & growing apart. I wish I had done do much differently. It seems like it’s too little too late. 3 kids & im heartbroken.

I'm sorry to hear about that ... that can happen in any marriage, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to stop talking about marriage. You’re not even close to being ready or mature enough to understand what you’re signing on for if this is what you’re pondering.

Is he your safe place to fall?
Does he “get” you?
Can you let down your guard with him and not feel judged?
Does he make you a better person?

And are you the same for him with these questions? If not, and if you feel you are settling, do him a favor and move on.

These are questions an insecure 20-something would consider. I'm sorry, Im not trying to snark you, instead I want to help OP.

OP, you can't have it all. I think the most important 3 things are stability, attraction/sex, and marrying your best friend. The rest is unimportant. Of course you two won't always like the same things. You can go on fun ladies trips, restaurant outings, etc. It's ok to share some experiences with gal pals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I married a safe guy who I loved very much. 15 yrs later, he wants a divorce. So much for safe.

Why does he want a divorce?

Short answer; he doesn’t feel the same & doesn’t want to try. He’s “done”. No affair. Lots of small stuff that wasn’t addressed along the way & led to resentment & growing apart. I wish I had done do much differently. It seems like it’s too little too late. 3 kids & im heartbroken.

I'm sorry to hear about that ... that can happen in any marriage, unfortunately.

I'm sorry too