Wife demanding I apologize to her for a flat tire?

[Anonymous]

Divorce her.

[Anonymous]

Who earns the money? If its you, tell her to STFU. If she continues to nag, send her packing.

[Anonymous]

As someone with an unhealthy relationship with money, I get how awful it can be to ha e significant unexpected expenses. But she’s crazy. This was definitely one of those stuff happens.

[Anonymous]

I grew up really poor and after my divorce, the kids and I qualified for public assistance for two years. For years, I worked a FT job and multiple PT jobs to survive and then because I was determined to never struggle like that again. It was horrible stress that I put on myself once the crisis was over. Ironically, it helps that my DH also grew up poor because he doesn’t do impulsive spending, looks for bargains, and doesn’t disregard how money makes me feel. When I had to get new tires, he helped me be calm about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you all have a budget? It sounds like she has a lot of anxiety around money. One way to deal with that is to write a budget, including a generous allowance for unexpected expenses/emergencies. That way she can know that you can afford it.

Yeah, we make ~$400k and have a 12 month liquid emergency fund

That's not a budget. The question isn't can you afford it, the question is does your wife *feel* you can afford it. Since you say she has an unhealthy relationship with money and clearly has a lot of anxiety with money, it sounds like money is a frequent cause of fights between the two of you. If this is a relationship you think is worth fixing, it might be helpful to write a monthly budget. Divide your take-home pay into 12, and then sort it into categories: so much for your mortgage, so much for entertainment, so much for emergency expenses, so much for whatever else is important to you (and her). Since you have plenty of money, it almost doesn't matter what decisions you make or if you stick with it: the point is to have a discussion in which your wife can see that there is plenty of money.

We have a budget spreadsheet where everything from mortgage payment to toilet paper from Target is tracked and grouped in budget buckets. Our financial picture is clear to both of us and if anything more to my wife as she’s the one managing the spreadsheet.

Then when she gets annoyed, just redirect her back to the spreadsheet.

[Anonymous]

She wants you to apologize to her for getting a flat tire??? What if you were mugged, would she want you to buy her flowers and grovel at her feet?

[Anonymous]

You should sleep with her best friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should sleep with her best friend.

I doubt this woman has a friend.

[Anonymous]

Is your wife a Virgo?

[Anonymous]

I assume your wife is still in her 20s or early 30s and as a couple, you have financial goals/expenses which require you to budget and watch your money closely. If so, she is just stressed out about maybe not being able to take that nice vacation, pay the mortgage, go out for that special dinner, save for kids college, etc, etc. She is having an immature response to a growing list of adult responsibilities. She is taking her stress/frustrations out on you and blaming others. Not the end of the world. I was like this when I was younger and grew from the arguments and became a better person. Married 30 years now and both my wife and I are less stressed, communicate better and laugh about the silly arguments we had in our youth.

[Anonymous]

I find it better to agree on a set price below which each of you has discretion to make the purchase decision. Maybe it's $500. Only discuss if the rule is being abused. Not all decisions require two people.

[Anonymous]

She is insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you all have a budget? It sounds like she has a lot of anxiety around money. One way to deal with that is to write a budget, including a generous allowance for unexpected expenses/emergencies. That way she can know that you can afford it.

Yeah, we make ~$400k and have a 12 month liquid emergency fund

That's not a budget. The question isn't can you afford it, the question is does your wife *feel* you can afford it. Since you say she has an unhealthy relationship with money and clearly has a lot of anxiety with money, it sounds like money is a frequent cause of fights between the two of you. If this is a relationship you think is worth fixing, it might be helpful to write a monthly budget. Divide your take-home pay into 12, and then sort it into categories: so much for your mortgage, so much for entertainment, so much for emergency expenses, so much for whatever else is important to you (and her). Since you have plenty of money, it almost doesn't matter what decisions you make or if you stick with it: the point is to have a discussion in which your wife can see that there is plenty of money.

We have a budget spreadsheet where everything from mortgage payment to toilet paper from Target is tracked and grouped in budget buckets. Our financial picture is clear to both of us and if anything more to my wife as she’s the one managing the spreadsheet.

Then I'd suggest counseling. Stuff happens. A flat tire is really no one's fault unless you hit the curb at high speed, aimed for a nail, etc.

My kid opened the car door in a tight parking space tonight and managed to ding the car next to us. Well, it was a brand new car from a rental place so we may be on the hook for the ding. I don't have as much money as you, but we aren't hurting. It happens. My kid wasn't even being careless. I am certainly not going to make her feel worse than she already did.

This isn't really a money problem. This is an emotional/attitude problem that your wife has. There's nothing to apologize for here. She needs to get to the bottom of whatever her issue is and solve it.

[Anonymous]

She ain’t worth it. Divorce.

[Anonymous]

You two are insufferable. I hope you never have any real adult problems to deal with because it's going to be tough.