Parenting on the Weekends (Young Kids)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ummm 0. I think putting a movie on for the 4yo while toddler naps is fine. You have a bit of a break even though you are still mentally on. I tho knots strange that your goal is just them not getting injured, you need to be proactive not reactive. We usually go out in the mornings. Hike, playground with friends, bikes and scooters, nap/quiet time after lunch, I can get some house stuff done then if needed. Then sometimes we go back out after nap, or do play doh, sandbox, water play, building blocks. What is your DH doing on the weekends. Assuming he’s not working you could trade off a Sat or Sun morning every other weekend.

I agree.
OP, what is your house like that you have to be "hyper vigilant" every single moment? Have you done basic child proofing? Is there a room/space in your house that you can make very safe and child friendly?

[Anonymous]

My twins are in elementary now, but we hired a babysitter on weekends for 4 hour blocks (sometimes on both days). DH and I both needed breaks and it was totally worth it. If you are exhausted, get extra help. If you can't find a sitter, maybe a relative? As a third option, sometimes we would watch the neighbors kids with our kids and then trade off so both sets of parents would get a break. It is so exhausting!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ummm 0. I think putting a movie on for the 4yo while toddler naps is fine. You have a bit of a break even though you are still mentally on. I tho knots strange that your goal is just them not getting injured, you need to be proactive not reactive. We usually go out in the mornings. Hike, playground with friends, bikes and scooters, nap/quiet time after lunch, I can get some house stuff done then if needed. Then sometimes we go back out after nap, or do play doh, sandbox, water play, building blocks. What is your DH doing on the weekends. Assuming he’s not working you could trade off a Sat or Sun morning every other weekend.

I agree.
OP, what is your house like that you have to be "hyper vigilant" every single moment? Have you done basic child proofing? Is there a room/space in your house that you can make very safe and child friendly?

I had this issue, but I had twins and they were constantly getting into everything. We babyproofed the entire house, but they would still try to crawl up kitchen cabinets onto the countertops, crawl up the stair railings, crawl over the baby gates. You could not take your eyes off of them for a minute. We could put them in their room (which was basically like a padded cell lol) but they would get bored and cry and not want to stay there. It was SO hard.

[Anonymous]

I know several people who have separate weekend nannies with 2 kids. I have one and occasionally ask the regular nanny to come on the weekend - sometimes she can, sometimes not. DH is pretty hands on, so between us it's close to 50/50, but it's only one child and we have other support from family from time to time.

[Anonymous]

Weekends from age 1 to 4ish are just exhausting! I remember being so happy for Monday morning when I could drop my kid back off at daycare! You are not alone or weird for feeling exhausted. It's hard.

For us, it worked best to divide and conquer. Our son is an early riser, so one parent would wake up with him on Saturday and the other would sleep in and wake up with him on Sunday. We also did weekend classes (music, swim, soccer, gymnastics, whatever we could find, this was pre covid) so one parent would take the child to the class mid morning and the other would have that time to themselves. Then one parent would take him to the playground or something similar in the afternoon and the other would have that time to themselves. It was usually small blocks of solo time - one or two hours at most each day. And, whomever wasn't on kid duty was prepping dinner or doing laundry or light cleaning, so it wasn't ever a total break.

At age 6 now, weekends are way easier! We don't have to wake up with him which is a game changer to be able to sleep in a little bit each day. And, most of his activities are drop off, or he can entertain himself with a friend for most of the day, or he's content to help out with adult things like errands, cooking, even some cleaning, so we have much more control over our time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: My question is, how much time do you expect to have for yourself on the weekends so that you feel somewhat refreshed by Sunday night rather than absolutely depleted?

To answer your question, I typically get a chunk of 3-4 hours in the day; then additional time after the kids have gone to sleep as time to myself.

I agree that it is a lot of work to take care of two toddlers playing on the playground for an hour! If I only had time to myself while my husband took them for a 30 minute walk, I would go crazy. Clearly your DH is not doing his share right? DH and I make a schedule so that we are clear that our childcare responsibilities are evenly distributed. This works out very well for us since we understand that it is a 50/50 responsibility. I don't understand why one spouse needs to bear more of the childcare responsibilities. I suppose it makes sense in scenarios where one partner has a much more stressful/demanding job; or one partner takes care of all of the non-kids work like cooking, cleaning, and lawn care. I agree with the nanny suggestion if getting him to do more is not a viable option.

[Anonymous]

We have a special needs child that has to be watched all waking moments and doesn’t sleep. We have help for 6-10 hours on both saturdays and sundays typically. This allows us to do stuff with our neurotypical kid, get chores done, go on dates and have alone time. When you realize you will be doing this forever, you get a lot of help if you can afford it.

Imagining that we only had neurotypical kids, I still think we likely would have had help 3-4 hours one or two days of the weekend. We like to go on dates.

[Anonymous]

The first few years with young kids is super exhausting. It gets better and you get more used to it. I have a 6, 4 and 1.5 year old. And a DH who usually works 2-4 hours at a minimum Saturday and Sunday (lawyer). I am just used to being on all day with the kids. Thankfully the 1.5 year old naps for about 2 hours during the middle of the day and the older two can entertain themselves for the most part. While the 1.5 year old naps I usually use that time to do laundry, clean up, make dinner, take some time to have lunch and relax. Its hectic but it goes so quickly. Weekends now are insanely busy with sports for the older two, birthday parties and other get togethers that a nice quiet weekend at home is rare.

[Anonymous]

I'm a full time (no shared custody) single parent to an 18 month old and feel like we have pretty nice weekends.

In terms of time to myself, I get a 2 hour naptime each day and evenings alone starting at 7:15 PM.

But here's what makes it manageable, which may help you figure out exactly what your needs are beyond a length of time to hire a sitter:
1. I don't do any housework during naptime. That 2 hours is sacred alone time. And in the evenings I limit household tasks to 7:15 - 8:15 PM - after that, it's my time.
2. We get out of the house a lot. My toddler is much easier to manage out and about than she is cooped up at home. But we don't do any outings that don't have at least one thing that is fun for me too.
3. We do a lot socially on the weekends with friends. I find the being with a toddler on the weekend gets really hard without time with other adults you enjoy.
4. My downtime from parenting is alone time - unless I choose to go out with friends at night.

If there is one thing I could change, it would be someone to cover the morning wakeup one day a week. That's the hardest on me.

If I were you, I would want DH to take Saturday morning wakeup (because no sitter will do that), use screen time for preschooler during Saturday nap time and then hire a sitter for 3 hours on Sunday afternoons so you can be totally alone. But I would also focus on working in fun family outings you enjoy too and finding ways to see friends as part of kid time.

[Anonymous]

It's called parenting. Unless you pay someone or have close family, you are going to have your kids 24/7. What did you expect?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I gave each other 1-2 hours to exercise both days each weekend day during those early years. I would at least make sure you can go for a walk, run, or bike daily. I would ideally not hire help for that but if your husband isn't budging, would mothers helper from 9-12 or 1-4.

[Anonymous]

Hmmm I am an introvert and I usually get 1-3 hours. I probably need more, but I also don't feel like I am totally on all the time with my kids. LIke I feel that they play and hang out and I am doing other stuff even though I am in charge of them Of course not always - sometimes its more stressful than others, but I was surprised how you felt you have to be totally on with them all the time. 5 and 2.5 year old. 5 year has quiet time at nap time and they probably watch 1-1,5 hours of TV each morning too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a full time (no shared custody) single parent to an 18 month old and feel like we have pretty nice weekends.

In terms of time to myself, I get a 2 hour naptime each day and evenings alone starting at 7:15 PM.

But here's what makes it manageable, which may help you figure out exactly what your needs are beyond a length of time to hire a sitter:
1. I don't do any housework during naptime. That 2 hours is sacred alone time. And in the evenings I limit household tasks to 7:15 - 8:15 PM - after that, it's my time.
2. We get out of the house a lot. My toddler is much easier to manage out and about than she is cooped up at home. But we don't do any outings that don't have at least one thing that is fun for me too.
3. We do a lot socially on the weekends with friends. I find the being with a toddler on the weekend gets really hard without time with other adults you enjoy.
4. My downtime from parenting is alone time - unless I choose to go out with friends at night.

If there is one thing I could change, it would be someone to cover the morning wakeup one day a week. That's the hardest on me.

If I were you, I would want DH to take Saturday morning wakeup (because no sitter will do that), use screen time for preschooler during Saturday nap time and then hire a sitter for 3 hours on Sunday afternoons so you can be totally alone. But I would also focus on working in fun family outings you enjoy too and finding ways to see friends as part of kid time.

Thank you! This is fantastic advice.

[Anonymous]

It really helps to meet up with a friend with kids approximately the same ages. Put the kids in a safe place to place. Sit and chat with your friend while the kids play. Intervene only if someone is bleeding. It feels like a 2 hour break, but you can get credit with your DH for watching the kids solo for 2 hours. Leverage that to get your DH to then cover a 2 hour chunk of free time for you.

[Anonymous]

Same boat of misery with my 3 and 5 year old. Dh travels a lot and when he’s home he’s fixing stuff.

Dh and I wish there was a kid walking program, like the dog walkers. Someone who comes and takes the kids for an hour to the playground and runs the energy out of them. Just an hour would be fantastic!!