Parenting on the Weekends (Young Kids)

[Anonymous]

For those of you with young kids who need to be watched at all times other than when they're sleeping, how much time do you expect to have for yourself on the weekends? I have an 18-month old and a 4.5 year-old who wake up between 6:30-7:00 am and go to bed at 7:30 pm (toddler) and 8:30 pm (older child). Toddler also takes an afternoon nap for about 2 hours.

Right now my husband will sometimes take both kids for a walk or to the park for an hour, but other than that, I'm "on" all weekend and hyper-vigilant to make sure no one gets seriously injured. By the time Monday rolls around, I am more exhausted than when the weekend began. Sometimes I'll let my older child watch a movie during naptime so I can get a break, but I think I need to hire a baby-sitter to make up for the hours when other moms get a break from their husband or other family members.

I don't want to have a conversation about my husband not doing enough since that's a different issue. And yes, I know there are single moms out there who never get a break (I feel for you!) My question is, how much time do you expect to have for yourself on the weekends so that you feel somewhat refreshed by Sunday night rather than absolutely depleted?

[Anonymous]

It just depends on the weekend. I definitely need 2-3 hours, ideally as a block, or I feel depleted. When I was pregnant with #2 and feeling pretty bad, we had a Saturday AM babysitter and it was fine.

Honestly I get a lot of my introvert down time during the week, at work. If I can take some time for work-related reading or a project I enjoy, I feel a lot better.

It doesn't really matter how much time other people get. You need what you need and that's that. Give your older child the movie or pick out some higher-quality TV that you feel good about.

[Anonymous]

More than that, but I have a husband who contributes.

[Anonymous]

Is this because you're arguing with your DH about how much time you deserve?

[Anonymous]

Can your preschooler have quiet time in his room while your younger child is napping? We did that at that age and he could easily entertain himself in his room for an hour. It was nice to be in the other room and have some time to myself while still being aware of what my older child was doing.

[Anonymous]

Ummm 0. I think putting a movie on for the 4yo while toddler naps is fine. You have a bit of a break even though you are still mentally on. I tho knots strange that your goal is just them not getting injured, you need to be proactive not reactive. We usually go out in the mornings. Hike, playground with friends, bikes and scooters, nap/quiet time after lunch, I can get some house stuff done then if needed. Then sometimes we go back out after nap, or do play doh, sandbox, water play, building blocks. What is your DH doing on the weekends. Assuming he’s not working you could trade off a Sat or Sun morning every other weekend.

[Anonymous]

We usually have a babysitter come for 3-4h one of the days so we can have a date. Aside from that, we trade off solo exercise activities (3-4h each, usually a round of golf for him and a long bike ride for me) -- usually one on Sat, one on Sun. The rest of the time is the whole family together, although DD (2 yo) takes a 1.5-2h nap every day and sleeps 7pm-7:30am. So I guess we are lucky, now that I type it all out. But it's important to us to prioritize still "being a person"

[Anonymous]

Dad needs to spend more time with the kids. But, give the preschooler a tablet with educational videos and games and take a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can your preschooler have quiet time in his room while your younger child is napping? We did that at that age and he could easily entertain himself in his room for an hour. It was nice to be in the other room and have some time to myself while still being aware of what my older child was doing.

Forgot to add--and yes, sometimes I would leave the house during that time for DH to deal with. Most of the time I would come home and they would all be watching football or something.

[Anonymous]

I always felt like I needed about one day per week to myself. I often used that time doing errands or cleaning, but it was at my pace and alone, so I don’t really mind that so much, and it still counted.

When I was a SAHM, I hired a once a week babysitter and was pretty much “on” all weekend. When I returned to work, my DH and I split one of the weekend days so we each had half a day or so to ourselves. I’m not sure he even knew we did this. I would let him sleep as long as he liked, fix the kids’ lunch, then “disappear” until bedtime.

[Anonymous]

I only have one kid (age 4) so it's not as hard, but I do think getting at least 4 hours at some point in the weekend is a reasonable expectation. In our house, we each get about this much "free" time on the weekend and then the rest of the time we are all together as a family. We also sometimes borrow time for both of us by offering screen time or signing DC up for a class where we can drop them off.

Admittedly, sometimes this free time isn't actually free, as often I have to work on the weekend and DH never does. So sometimes he is taking DC for the morning on Saturday so that I can get work done, and I'm taking DC for the morning on Sunday so he can go to the gym or play video games or something. So it's not equal, but that has to do with some job stuff that is no one's fault really. So I don't resent it even if it sometimes sucks for me because I never get a true break. When this happens, I try to give myself a break from work on Monday to relax with a long lunch, or cut out early to go to the gym.

If I were you and I really couldn't get DH to do more, I'd have no guilt in hiring a sitter to come every weekend for a 4-hour stint. Honestly, that's kind of the bare minimum you can get a sitter for anyway, because otherwise it's not worth the travel time for them.

You 100% deserve a break. And for what it's worth, most of the single moms I know get this kind of break somewhere in their schedule, whether facilitated by family members or a paid sitter or some other arrangement, because everyone needs a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this because you're arguing with your DH about how much time you deserve?

No, not at all. I need to hire someone to help, and am trying to decide if I should have my nanny come for a fixed number of hours or hire a mother's helper to be an extra set of hands all weekend. Some of it will be trial and error, but I'm trying to figure out a starting point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ummm 0. I think putting a movie on for the 4yo while toddler naps is fine. You have a bit of a break even though you are still mentally on. I tho knots strange that your goal is just them not getting injured, you need to be proactive not reactive. We usually go out in the mornings. Hike, playground with friends, bikes and scooters, nap/quiet time after lunch, I can get some house stuff done then if needed. Then sometimes we go back out after nap, or do play doh, sandbox, water play, building blocks. What is your DH doing on the weekends. Assuming he’s not working you could trade off a Sat or Sun morning every other weekend.

Yep, we have good structure on the weekends, but it's still a lot trying to watch two kids of different levels at a busy playground on a Saturday (for example). Maybe I'm just low energy compared to other people and need more down time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ummm 0. I think putting a movie on for the 4yo while toddler naps is fine. You have a bit of a break even though you are still mentally on. I tho knots strange that your goal is just them not getting injured, you need to be proactive not reactive. We usually go out in the mornings. Hike, playground with friends, bikes and scooters, nap/quiet time after lunch, I can get some house stuff done then if needed. Then sometimes we go back out after nap, or do play doh, sandbox, water play, building blocks. What is your DH doing on the weekends. Assuming he’s not working you could trade off a Sat or Sun morning every other weekend.

Yep, we have good structure on the weekends, but it's still a lot trying to watch two kids of different levels at a busy playground on a Saturday (for example). Maybe I'm just low energy compared to other people and need more down time?

No, your kids are at particularly bad ages for this specific issue. Now that my kids are older and I can drop them off for longer activities or dropoff playdates, it's much easier.

Nanny/helper just depends on your preferences. Personally I wouldn't like having someone around the house for many hours at a time. I'd rather have a sitter come and take the kids to the playground so that they're out of my hair entirely for a shorter period of time.

[Anonymous]

I’m in the same boat, OP. My kids are almost 3 and 5 and it is still pretty miserable.

We just hired a weekend nanny but the problem is what I most want in the world is time alone in my house. I am tired. I don’t want to go out on “date night” with DH. I’m an introvert and want time by myself.

We are hoping to work up to where the weekend nanny takes the kids out on weekends to a park or activity, but it’s still extremely hot where we are and we are worried about Covid and don’t want them indoors (like at trampoline parks or museums). So far she takes them to the park for an hour or two before it’s too hot.